Loneliness & Older Men

ancapailldorcha

I’ve recently seen a few adverts regarding older people and loneliness and it got me thinking. While browsing older threads on this forum, it seems to be something which affects older men more often than older women (http://www.independentage.org/isolation-a-growing-issue-among-older-men). According to the Guardian, there will be over 1 million men over 50 suffering with extreme loneliness in the next 15 years with the current figure estimated to be 700,000 (http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/oct/13/men-face-future-loneliness-problems).

I’m not quite sure what the reason is myself. Social networking sites serve only to perpetuate the problem in my opinion; religion is no longer regarded as being as essential as it was even 20-30 years ago, and a lot of people have the option to make quite easy changes to their lifestyles to save money, ie using Netflix instead of the cinema for example.

In hindsight, it seems like something which has been coming for a while now. Television gave people the option of staying in rather than going out but we’ve had so many more advances since then chief amongst them being the internet as I mentioned above. There are a few initiatives like Men’s Sheds but it’s not enough. Individualism seems to be more important now than ever.

I’ll end with another Guardian piece on the subject:
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/oct/14/age-of-loneliness-killing-us

Lalealea

I lot of lonely men/women try and misplace the feeling. Or fill the gap in the wrong way. The elderly are prey for a certain type of person.

fits

Used to do a lot of field work around mayo and Sligo. Lots of single elderly farmers in very rural areas. Living in poor conditions often. Its tough. Would like to see more supported living in villages. Living out your days in a farmhouse miles from anywhere is tough. They can't drive to the pub anymore, marts don't happen as regularly, the creamery has gone. And nothing has come in to replace those things.

DoYouEvenLift

Is this not what old folks homes and community homes are for? If people are choosing to not get married or have long term partners then they should also choose the options available to make them happy in their old age. Chances are, if you live long enough you'll end up on your own and lonely anyway, regardless if married or with a partner or not, since one partner will outlive the other.

I agree there should be a better effort made to get communities going for the elderly too. Look at Florida in America. Lots of old people retire and move there to live out their days amongst lots of similar people. We could easily have a town/village here along the same lines where there's always something on for them to do and meet people.

abff

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Is this not what old folks homes and community homes are for? If people are choosing to not get married or have long term partners then they should also choose the options available to make them happy in their old age.

I'm sure there are lots of people out there who would have loved to get married or to enter a long term partnership, but never got the right opportunity (or maybe failed to recognise it when it happened).

Lalealea

A lot of elderly people are very individual and not really family orientated themselves these days. These tend to be people who are used to being very independent.

mackg

Then there are the people who cut themselves off from their families through alcoholism etc. You can't expect families to put up with that stuff forever but it doesn't make it any less sad to see.

Lalealea

mackg wrote: »

Then there are the people who cut themselves off from their families through alcoholism etc. You can't expect families to put up with that stuff forever but it doesn't make it any less sad to see.

That is SO true. And in this generation Drug use too.

People don't admit they need people.

Taltos

In some cases it just happens slowly, almost imperceptibly.
Picture it, large family, raised and encouraged to stand to their own feet, to strike out into the world.
Kids have children and move away, maybe not that far but if you think back say 50 years a lot further than just down the road.

Grand children's lives now pick up - Saturday is gymnastics, Sunday is cross-country / soccer / basketball.
Mon to Fri is work to pay for the mortgage, school fees, holidays. Hell even the grand children see less of their own parents.

Into all this one of the parents (now grandparents) die. Folk rally around for a short while. But that older generation pushes back - whether it's pride or guilt at eating up so much of the precious time of their own kids and by default they find they suddenly are back to the old routine, except now instead of their partner to spend time with they have just the four walls and memories.

You see - it can happen all too damn easily even for folk with kids. Imagine how much harder it is for a singleton living on their own. And not just in the country, with the way our towns have changed if you are not all that sociable you may not know your neighbours next door or in the apartment across the hall. Add to the mix the issues in this country many people face - depression / mental health and it is more than easy for older (and younger) to feel alone or even marginalised. Quite often in some of the other forums I encourage folk to get out and try activities to get them out of their comfort zone, to work on their self-esteem and by default meet people. But what do you do with an older person who has bad hips, can't drive and is miles or a distance from any type of activity they would enjoy?

Lalealea

I always stayed in touch with my grandmother. Until she died.

My other grandparents died when I was young.

I see older people as people.

mackg

Taltos, great point and well made.

Just to mention one thing we have here and I think it's brilliant is free travel for people over 66. It's not going to benefit the people who are already sealed off so to speak but it definitely helps prevent more from ending up that way. We were all worried about my mother after my father died but jaysus she is making the best of that free travel and you don't know where she will pop up in any given week. I'm happy to contribute the few bucks to keep it going.