My Girlfriend won't stop talking.

LegacyUser

So my girlfriend and I (mid 20s) have been going out for 2 years now . In the beginning it was fine but over the last year this problem has just got worse and worse.

I try to be a decent boyfriend and pay attention to what my girlfriend is saying , but she just won't stop talking. Every day she calls me on the phone after she's off work , then we see each other in the evening and the problem continues. She talks about the most boring topics that she is 100% aware I have no interest in , complains about everything and everyone , talks about how other people should do this or that, and worst of all can't tell a story or talk without using the word 'like' and 'literally' every sentence. The talking only stops every 2-3 minutes for me to say 'yes' and the conversation to continue. Any time I have any input to the conversation , I get less than 5 words into my point and I'm interrupted by her starting again.

I really do love her but this is driving me mad, every conversation we ever have is about her, or what she wants to talk about. Even if I start a conversation I get one sentence in and Im interrupted and the topic changed. She does 90% of the talking in our time together and most of the time its like I'm being talked at , not talked to.

I have brought up the interrupting before and tried to tell her it was rude and disrespectful but she didn't even let me finish my point before she gave her take on it as "I just want to get the words out before I forget" then dragged up disagreements from a long long time ago to say this was my problem not hers and continued on talking and changed the topic completely.

Does anyone have any suggestions of what to do. It used not be like this and she was quite respectful in listening, but it seems that she just got comfortable and let her guard down and let the rude out.

Toots

I'd usually say sit her down and tell her how much this bothers you, but I get the impression that you won't have much joy there. Regardless, I'd attempt to sit her down and explain how you're feeling, and if she constantly interrupts and won't let you finish then write her a letter saying how you're feeling and add in that the fact that she continued with the interrupting even when you were trying to tell her about it really illustrates just how bad it is.

If you manage to talk to her and/or give her a letter, but she makes no attempt whatsoever to reign herself in and listen to what you have to say then you'll need to ask yourself how much more are you prepared to put up with. To me the fact that she constantly talks over you and interrupts, despite being called out on it, isn't only rude and disrespectful, it's also selfish and uncaring. If she really does care for you she'll make an effort to be more polite and listen to you.

Barely There

goinginsane wrote: »

I really do love her

Why?

She sounds like a constant pain in the arse. I couldn't put up with 10 minutes of what you describe.

What are the good parts of your relationship and when do they happen if she's constantly talking sh:te?

SIX PACK

I'd hate to have a partner like that. I like peace and quiet especially when my fiance gives me the silent treatment suits me grand

MagicMarker

Barely There wrote: »

Why?

She sounds like a constant pain in the arse. I couldn't put up with 10 minutes of what you describe.

What are the good parts of your relationship and when do they happen if she's constantly talking sh:te?

Agreed. I would actively dislike someone like this.

womandriver

It sounds like you are just not well suited. It actually sounds like you don't like her very much despite the fact you say you love her. She is who she is. Just because you don't like the fact she talks a lot doesn't mean she's not someone else's dream partner.

I'd advise breaking up with her so she has the chance to meet someone who actually likes her.

Don't give the girl a complex by trying to change her.

Pawwed Rig

I wouldn't see the talking as an issue but more her selfishness in that she wants all the conversations to be about her and on her terms. Some people are like that unfortunately. Sounds like she managed to hide it during the honeymoon period but you are finding out now that she is self centred. Are there good parts to your relationship that make it worthwhile?

A.Partridge

I'm not being funny but...it's possible she just doesn't realise that she's going-on a lot.

Maybe if you could use the recording feature on your mobile phone while she is in mid rant and then play it back to her so that she can hear exactly what you have to hear...it might make her think before she speaks?

Teyla Emmagan

Imagine you stay together and both die in your late seventies. I wonder how many billion words of drivel you'll have put up with at that stage? Some people just like to talk, and about themselves and what they think and what they want to give out about. Personally I think such people are unbearable and I would rather be alone forever than listen to such inanity. Is your girlfriend even aware that you're there? Or does she just see you as someone (anyone) to talk at? If this is what she's like she's not going to change. What you are seeing is a basic part of her personality. I don't think it's likely to change. You are only mid twenties, get out and find someone who is interested on what YOU have to say.

Gannicus

Toots wrote: »

write her a letter saying how you're feeling and add in that the fact that she continued with the interrupting even when you were trying to tell her about it really illustrates just how bad it is.

If you manage to talk to her and/or give her a letter, but she makes no attempt whatsoever to reign herself in and listen to what you have to say then you'll need to ask yourself how much more are you prepared to put up with. To me the fact that she constantly talks over you and interrupts, despite being called out on it, isn't only rude and disrespectful, it's also selfish and uncaring. If she really does care for you she'll make an effort to be more polite and listen to you.

O/P, I think writing her a letter is a fantastic idea. you can lay your feeling out and let her read it and if you're not there she has to...... or at least should read through the whole thing and maybe take in what you have said and how you feel. Be careful how you word it aswell. You don't want to come off as a bit of an assclown in the letter

A.Partridge wrote: »

Maybe if you could use the recording feature on your mobile phone while she is in mid rant and then play it back to her so that she can hear exactly what you have to hear

I don't think that's such a good idea. It may come off as very in your face and insensitive. She might not like the idea of you secretly recording her talking only to (in her eyes) shove it back in her face.

mikeyjames9

I don't think it will get any better for you

Is she just a big talker or does she also prioritize her own needs above everything else?

skallywag

You have my full sympathy OP, I have known girls (probably from the same area judging from the contsant 'like' !) who rabbit on constantly like this too, it's extremely irritating, though all the worse for you as it's your girlfriend so not someone you can get away from so to speak. I really don't know how you can go about changing this behaviour as I have never seen such a trait in someone improve rather than deteriorate. You can certainly try speaking to her again, but the thing is, will she even be able to take it in board?

LegacyUser

I went through a similar thing fairly recently. I pointed out the issue more than once with no success, barely even an acknowledgement of the problem, so I took a different tack - I started interrupting her and insisting on talking over her, or standing up and going to another room. When she said "are you listening?", I said no and pointed out why. She's had an epiphany and now judges better when to open her ears before her mouth. She can still talk for Ireland, but I like to listen to her anyway and she just understands now that conversation has to be more of a two-way street.

Rubberchikken

I work with someone like that and tbh it drives me mad.
Only.plus is I can walk away and go home.

If it's bugging you now it's only going to get more annoying in thr the future.

Good luck with whatever decision you make

gormdubhgorm

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201204/5-steps-dealing-someone-who-wont-stop-talking

Vixen24

Hi, only speaking from my own experience, I have several people in my life suffering from Aspergers, this condition causes one of them in particular to never stop talking, she cannot hold a two way conversation, however when you are direct with her, she realises the necessity to let other people talk, hints or subtleties dont work, otherwise she will not ask other people questions and and will primarily speak about herself and her life in monologue fashion for a looong time. This is not done deliberately, its part of her being on the spectrum and she only realises when told. There are a range of other symptoms that go along with this condition, including aversion to socialising, sensory issues, Ie to light, sounds, textures, and tastes, high anxiety levels and emotional outbursts, to name a few, so I am not diagnosing at all, one characteristic does not mean anything whatsoever, but if you take a step back and examine at all aspects of her behaviour and life, sometimes there's a bigger picture that needs to be looked at by a professional.
Just to add, not every person with aspergers will have the exact same or all of the symptoms, but one of the main features is difficulty with social skills and ques,reading between the lines, a bluntness or a directness that isnt alway appropriate, anyhow its might be worth looking into if only to eliminate.

liz lemoncello

I used to have a close friend like this, OP.

She would talk incessantly about whatever entered her head and interrupt others all the time. One of the things that bothered me most was her describing in detail a movie or tv show that I had not seen. I would even say, "No, I haven't seen that, it looked really boring to me. Not my thing." This wouldn't stop her. Twice I resorted to waving my hand in front of her face, saying. "You don't have to give a play by play of the action". I immediately felt bad for doing this, but, I swear, it didn't stop her.

I used to tell myself that she was a good person and that was the reason I remained friends with her. Then I thought about some selfish things she'd done and it became clear that, although she might be sweet about things, and was generally good-natured, she always got her way. In short, she was a very self-absorbed person.

I distanced myself from her. After that, whenever we did meet, I realised that, for years, I had dealt with her talking by tuning her out and that I was no longer accustomed, or willing, to do that.

I don't think peopled like this can change.

thefeatheredcat

If the topic of conversation revolves around her, her life, her interests and her thoughts, opinions, experiences then really you have a very self centered and self obsessed but insecure person in your girlfriend. I've known a few people like this and I always put it down to them being quite shallow and self centered and by other behaviours incredibly insecure and not understanding social boundaries. This sort of constant need for attention and validation by being the centre of attention by prattling on about nonsense isn't something you can change in a person, it is only something you can either react to or draw attention to.

Suggestions like writing a letter i.e. using a different form of communication sounds to me like a great idea. I would especially express the part of feeling being talked at, rather than talked to.

So to is positive adjustments to your behaviour such as not validating the behaviour and try to discourage one way conversations where you are just a soundboard.

However, you said in your post that she wasn't always like this and it's got quite worse of late; has something changed in her life that she has to yapper on about meaningless nonsense, that rather than previously having talked about something of weight that her life is empty and now only open to talking about nonsense? Has a friend that she talked with like this become unavailable in some way? Did your topics bore her or were disinteresting to her?

If the suggestions of the letter and changing how you react to her don't work, or only work for a while, then you might have to re-consider if you really want to remain in a relationship like that.

If conversation with her means every thought and opinion and topic is expressed by her, and everything conversationally revolves around her, and you are not allowed to be part of the conversation, it would have me wary that everything else will eventually revolve around her, not just conversations, but plans, decisions and everything else in between.