What should I do?

feelingweird

Thanks everyone

Penny Tration

Sounds like there are two issues at play here.

You seem to be refusing to treat him as your boss in work (which he is), and expect 'relationship' treatment in work.

Come on, I know you're in a relationship with him, but you have him the finger on a work outing?? That's beyond unprofessional!

The bigger issue seems to be that he's making no time for you. We all have busy schedules, but you sound as though you're willing to make time in your life for him, but he's not doing it for you.

It's only been a few months, and you only see each other in work.

It shouldn't be that difficult.

I think you need to chat to him about your expectations, and where you both go from here.

Sadly, it doesn't look good. It should be fun, not so difficult.

feelingweird

It wasn't a work outing, it was just an outing. I said I don't expect relationship treatment in work, it's hard to explain exactly what kind of "work" it is without giving away exactly who he is and for privacy reasons I would not like to do that. It is not an office job it's an outdoor type job and it's more relaxed than an office environment.

green_screen wrote: »

Sounds like there are two issues at play here.

You seem to be refusing to treat him as your boss in work (which he is), and expect 'relationship' treatment in work.

Come on, I know you're in a relationship with him, but you have him the finger on a work outing?? That's beyond unprofessional!

The bigger issue seems to be that he's making no time for you. We all have busy schedules, but you sound as though you're willing to make time in your life for him, but he's not doing it for you.

It's only been a few months, and you only see each other in work.

It shouldn't be that difficult.

I think you need to chat to him about your expectations, and where you both go from here.

Sadly, it doesn't look good. It should be fun, not so difficult.

LegacyUser

feelingweird wrote: »

It wasn't a work outing, it was just an outing. I said I don't expect relationship treatment in work, it's hard to explain exactly what kind of "work" it is without giving away exactly who he is and for privacy reasons I would not like to do that. It is not an office job it's an outdoor type job and it's more relaxed than an office environment.

That's pretty irrelevant on both counts. If the people at the TM know that you work together and you're going out, then your behaviour there will be seen in that light. I can only assume that they would have noticed that you had made a rude gesture towards him, then given him the cold shoulder, then made a point of thanking one of the team who did the opposite of what he did. His response may have been wrong, but your behavious seems pretty childish to me and really you made a public row out of something you could have spoken to him about in private. You also want to be both a co-worker and a girlfriend at the same time, regardless of your denial of that, then you wanted to be his teammate and girlfriend on the same day, then reacted rudely when he was supporting you. All in all, you seem as bad as each other so far, but to be honest you seem to be starting the rows.

If you are going to make a success of the relationship, I'd suggest you agree some proper boundaries. You are trying to be a teammate for an event, a girlfriend, an employee and a potential business partner, all without a particularily solid foundation for any one of them that I can see, never mind all of them at once. I think you're going to have to put some work into communicating differing expectations, so you understand when you to be the employee or the girlfriend, he understands that some basic courtesies have to be observed, you understand when he's going to race to his ability and so forth and you can both made sure that one doesn't bleed into the other. I'd also suggest not dragging teammates, siblings, or anyone else into rows, or making your arguments public, but that's hardly unique to your relationship.

If you can't draw those borders and make them work for the two of you, then maybe you'll have to decide if you want two days work or a relationship.

Tilly

I dont see how you can call this a relationship when you only see each other at work? It would seem that he is only your boss and not your boyfriend.

Mr. Incognito

Unless you live together why would he need to seek you out before he goes home? Is he not entitled to just leave work when he wants?

You publically humiliated your bf in front of his friends and expect him to laugh it off?

I think that you both sound like you are a bit selfish here and two selfish people are going to have difficulties.

You also have difficulty admitting I was wrong, I am sorry.

You should practice those words. They alleviate a lot of tension in a relationship and in general life.

Saying "us girls can be like that" would infuriate me even more tbh than the initial action.

Also- I doubt someone that had a business would "imply" that their girlfriend of five months would suddenly have a partnership in the business.

Either you are a partner or an employee and it sounds to be like you are an employee. I doubt the boss asks his employee if he can go home.

strobe

It sounds like there's two issues. He wants your work relationship to be professional, you're struggling with this.

The two of you are very busy and struggling to make 'couple time' for each other.

I don't think he's doing much wrong here tbh, although you both need to try and make more of an effort with relationship stuff if you want it to work. You seem to be as unavailable to him in this regard with all the other stuff you have going (Which is beyond his control) as he is to you.

(I very much doubt he isn't breaking up with you because you won't work for him. Very few people are irreplaceable employment wise. In the current environment he could probably have a dozen people equally capable vying for the job in a matter of days.)

jopax

Its very hard to guess what is going on in his mind.
There seems to be very little communication and that's the only way you will get any answers.
It doesn't sound like a very conventional relationship.
I think I would just bite the bullet and ask him outright how he feels about you.
Even if he says he's not that interested anymore at least you won't be in limbo.
I know it's easier said than done but if there is no open communication than it will break down at some stage.
Try not to get caught up in any petty arguments about what happened, just stick to how he feels about your relationship.
Best of luck with it.

doubter

I would agree with most of the things said here. I am a big fan of keeping work and personal life separate, i.e. don't work for him if you want a relationship with him.
It's very hard to keep that separated, and if he is good in keeping these things apart, and you're not, you're bound to have problems.
The fact that he doesn't touch base on a daily bases would infuriate me too and it has been the reason for me to break up with guys, as you, i find it simple courtesy.It can be excused a couple of times, but it shouldn't happen too often.
It's an expectation i have and it's something I'm very clear about when starting to date someone exclusively.

I think you need to make a choice what you want..work with him or date him.

feelingweird

Thanks for all ur replies, have a lot to think about. I am not saying I'm totally not to blame, have apologised for that and it wasn't infront of anyone else anyways.

Thanks for putting me straight.