Where do I begin

LegacyUser

I'm a 19 year old lad and in 1st year of college living away from home. Recently I have started feeling very different. My life growing up wasn't great but it could of been a lot worse. One of my parents was an alcoholic and is now very depressed. I've come to the college I am in now without knowing anybody. I thought it would be ok and I'd make new friends but I haven't. All people do is get drunk and I don't want to sound snobby about this because I'm not. It's just that it's not something I particularly like doing that often because of living with an alcoholic. I also don't have money for going out that much. Basically i've started to feel horrible. It's like whenever I have the opportunity to make new friends there's something stopping me from doing it. Like I would just think back on my life so far and remember bad things that happened in it.

I live with 3 other people who knew each other from school before coming to college. They are really nice and everything but I just feel sort of different because they all know the same people and have the same stories to talk about and all that. I feel really lonely. I haven't been home for 4 weeks and although its lonely here I'm still happier to be away from home. I just feel like no body really notices me or cares that much. I'm also finding my course hard which is just adding to everything that is going on in my head.

When I'm walking into college my head is full of loads of different thoughts and worries and it just feels really overwhelming. I have always worried alot but recently it has gotten really bad. This probably doesn't make sense but for example I worry about doing things wrong even if in my mind I know I did the thing right I will still think I did something wrong. I want somebody to talk to me and actually care but I know that its not going to happen.

I was going to go to the counsellor place in college but I just couldn't do it. I know guys aren't supposed to say things like this but I literally just want to hug someone. I'm just so lonely and confused. The only thing that makes me ok with things right now is when I think of how good I have things. That I'm able to be in college and basically how other people have to deal with things that are alot worse.

I suppose the main thing I want to know is how do I fix all of this and start to get a normal life.

Mr. Loverman

Hey.

Go for a walk and ask yourself what is really wrong with your life. Think about people who live in poor countries, people who are sick, people who have lost everything... and then think about your life. Hopefully you'll see you're doing ok, and your problems are temporary and can be fixed. Try to keep perspective on life, it's very important.

I remember reading that humans go insane if they don't have friends and other people around them. I really recommend you join some clubs and societies in your college. Maybe find one which will give your life a purpose; for example, some sort of human rights society. You'll meet lots of kind people there.

Also, don't forget to stay on top of your college work. Do a little bit of study everyday so at least your college is going well. I also recommend you start doing some exercise. I lift weights and run on the mountain most days; it really helps my mental health.

Good luck.

Rubberchikken

First of all go to the counselling on campus.
Having experience if dealing first hand with alcoholism, you're right to avoid the drinking culture that's there.
But there are plenty of others like you so you need to set about finding them.

If you haven't joined a society then do it now.
Decide what it is you enjoy and make it your business to belong.

The people you're sharing with sound grand, so if there's an opportunity to join in conversation then do.
It won't always be about things or people only they know.

If you're finding the course difficult talk too the course head.
That's what they're there for.

I can understand you're lonely, but you sound like a person with a good head on their shoulders, and if you stay positive you'll do great.

Virtual hugs.
Good luck

ivytwine

Oh you poor pet. My heart broke for you reading that.

I'm 25 now and when I started going to college I was in a similar situation. I thought two of my closest friends were going to the same college with me; one went to another college after CAO and the other commuted from home and did a lot more college hours than me so I didn't see her all that much. There was a lot of knocking around on my own for the first few weeks, and I made some mates in my course but even then it was early days and I didn't want to impose on them all the time.

I then got into a really intense relationship and we broke up, and because I was essentially off the scene for 6 months and a bloody misery when I was around again I think a lot of people forgot I existed! So towards the end of first year I had to make new friends and make more of an effort to be better friends with my course mates as the breakup was so bad there was no chance of me and my ex's mates hanging around together!

There's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to drink and believe me there are people like you in every college in Ireland who don't want to get hammered every evening. There has to be a sport, club or society you'd be interested in- what would you love to do if fear wasn't holding you back?

I really would recommend going to a counsellor in college. I went to mine and I could not recommend it highly enough. Unless you get into a company with an EAP this is probably your only chance to get free/low cost counselling so go for it. They will give you tools to cope with your thoughts- and I know overthinking all too well, it's a bitch. But honestly, given what I learned through counselling, it's nowhere near as bad as it was.

The counsellor will have heard it all before. My one was like an Irish mammy in the best sense, I just felt so much better being in her company.

Have a virtual hug in the meantime OP and hope you feel better soon xx

Eeden

Hi OP,

You would not believe how many people your age who start college go through the same or similar things to what you are going through. Most try to put a brave face on it, so you would never know how insecure many of them are feeling. Believe me, even some of the people who seem most together can be going through tough times.

It can be a very difficult time of life to adjust to. It's the first big change in circumstances for most people. Some find it liberating, some go off the rails, but many do find it frightening and lonely.

Of course, you are trying to tell yourself that things could be worse; but if you are finding it hard to cope, that's not much consolation.

Try to do whatever you can to help yourself. Counselling can be a HUGE help. Don't rule it out.

I wish you the very best of luck.