Self Destructive Behaviour

4fuxache

I had to make a new account because I can't post anonymously ! So basically I'm a 25 year old girl and am single for the first time since I was a teenager. Any time I go out I feel like I need to get men or it's an unsuccessful night , but I always do but it's really out of control and quite frequently involves multiple people. On one particularly bad night I kissed about 30 men. I've only recently realised this is not normal behaviour for a single person and wake up feeling really embarrassed. Then during the week I use dating sites for further male validation. Does anyone else have this problem ? I actually can't stop and my friends just leave me to it ..

Ave Sodalis

If you're using protection and keeping yourself safe (going for regular tests etc), I don't see anything particularly wrong with it. However, if you are not happy then it needs to change. You mentioned that you go on dating sites as a form of validation, so I'm going to assume that it's self esteem issues causing you to need to take someone home every night. Have you seen a counselor about this? It might be worth talking to someone. Have your friends ever tried to stop you before and what was your reaction? Although it won't help in the long run, especially if there's underlying issues causing, but maybe ask your friends to not let you for a while?

4fuxache

sup_dude wrote: »

If you're using protection and keeping yourself safe (going for regular tests etc), I don't see anything particularly wrong with it. However, if you are not happy then it needs to change. You mentioned that you go on dating sites as a form of validation, so I'm going to assume that it's self esteem issues causing you to need to take someone home every night. Have you seen a counselor about this? It might be worth talking to someone. Have your friends ever tried to stop you before and what was your reaction? Although it won't help in the long run, especially if there's underlying issues causing, but maybe ask your friends to not let you for a while?

I never end up having sex with them because my friends drag me home luckily. But it is a problem because I'm projecting an image that I'm easy when I'm not , like people I work with have seen me do it ! Noone has stopped me but I only thought about it when one of my guy friends asked me why I was doing it and said that I didn't need to. Like last time I went out I told my friend and she did stop me with one person but I ended up with some sleazebag anyway. Usually I'm not even attracted to the men. I think counselling would be a bit much though , hopefully it's just a phase because it is shameful.

deseil

4fuxache wrote: »

I never end up having sex with them because my friends drag me home luckily. But it is a problem because I'm projecting an image that I'm easy when I'm not , like people I work with have seen me do it ! Noone has stopped me but I only thought about it when one of my guy friends asked me why I was doing it and said that I didn't need to. Like last time I went out I told my friend and she did stop me with one person but I ended up with some sleazebag anyway. Usually I'm not even attracted to the men. I think counselling would be a bit much though , hopefully it's just a phase because it is shameful.

First and foremost, you need to realise your an adult now and people won't stop you, you need to stop yourself.

Go out enjoy yourself if you meet someone you like and get with them that's great, if you don't there's always other night's

CaraMay

You really need to stop drinking

4fuxache

CaraMay wrote: »

You really need to stop drinking

Very true but there'll still be an egotistical attention seeking demon inside me

Lalealynn

I think you need to find a different way of getting attention and feeling you are enough in yourself. I think it's bad habit it will be very difficult to break.
Work on having a good relationship with yourself.

Lalealynn

I think you need to find a different way of getting attention and feeling you are enough in yourself. I think it's bad habit it will be very difficult to break.
Work on having a good relationship with yourself.

Merkin

You need to cop on quite frankly. You also can't expect other people to stop you from behaving like this, your behaviour isn't anyone else's responsibility apart from your own. I think you should embrace singledom but be single in every sense of the word. You may have felt defined by boyfriends before, you say this is the first time you've ever been single and it sounds to me like you're not at all used to it and you're going scoring lots of people and garnering attention on dating sites in order to feel desirable. I think you should cut down on your alcohol intake and also consciously spend some time enjoying singledom BY YOURSELF for a couple of months to really get to grips with who you actually are as opposed to who's girlfriend you are!

DoYouEvenLift

Over the age of 18 and shifting 30 people in one night lol...I remember my first teenage disco.


Regarding the validation point, that's really up to yourself but nobody should feel they need other people's validation. Maybe you should try different hobbies besides going out to pubs or clubs, hobbies that don't involve alcohol would be a wise choice.

R.D. aka MR.D

You say that you are ashamed but you can't think it's that bad if you still do it.

As for going on dating sites, are you just bored?

You said that you were in a relationship since your teenage years. Have you spent any time developing your own interests? Finding out what you like to do?

At 25, this behavior comes across as sad and like someone who is maybe lonely.

You say that you don't want to seek professional help and it's just a phase. If it's just a phase then you need to take steps to get out of it because the older you get and the longer this behavior continues the sadder it's going to get.

Go out and get some hobbies and maybe buy a self-help book or two about building self-esteem.

I don't mean to sound harsh but it sounds like your friends aren't stepping in to help you with this, i'd bet they talk about it plenty behind your back though.


You're worth more than throwing yourself at men. You're enough without male attention. You just need to realize that.

Mr. Incognito

I know how you feel.

Its insecurity.

I found i had to work on me rather than wait for someone to fix me. Go to the gym. Volunteer with a charity or give grinds. Seek your validation in positive healthy ways and not based on other people desiring you.

LegacyUser

4fuxache wrote: »

I think counselling would be a bit much though , hopefully it's just a phase because it is shameful.

OP, how do you mean "hopefully"? It sounds like you're speaking about somebody else.

You've said things like this a few times. All the "luckily my friends stop me", the "OMG my work mates saw me", the "there'll still be an egotistical attention seeking demon inside".

Are YOU not in charge here OP? Is there someone else in your mind, controlling you?

You are acting as if you are not in charge of yourself, and that is why you need counselling. If it's that hard to be yourself inside your head (to be the person who actually deals with the consequences of your behaviour) then you need some help hon. Cos right now, I think you're pretending to yourself that you're out of control so that you don't have to stop and deal with this.




btw. It's ok to have an egotistical attention seeking demon inside you!! Extroverts are great! But you must learn to use your powers for good (for yourself) and not evil (against yourself).

CaraMay

4fuxache wrote: »

Very true but there'll still be an egotistical attention seeking demon inside me

We'll start by stopping the booze as that's probably making you more impulsive and work on the rest from there.

Do you do this sober?