Where to start???

LegacyUser

Hi,
Kind of a personal issue, so think i will go unreg.

Am 33 male in dub with decent job and money, and have never even so much as kissed a girl let alone sex. I have no idea what my looks are like, but im guessing a 5/10. Basially my worry is I will never meet a nice girl, and if i do my 100% lack of any experience will just push her away.
I feel like shyness just robbed me of any experiences i should have had in my 20's and now im 30's i feel too old to hit on any girl i fancy. Anytime i have ever hit on a girl its been a coffee shop type situation and she just looks mortified that i even bothered to ask.

Where is a decent place to meet girls? Not that I would blurt it out but would a girl be put off by lack of experiece ( either basic kissing or even sex ). Am I too old to be hitting on girls ( say 25+ ). Any general advice?

racso1975

If you can hit on a girl in a coffee shop fair play to ya!!!! That is confidence....

Unfortunately this being Ireland you are about 10 years ahead of yourself!!!!

What is your social circle like and where do you socialise? Have you ever considered on line dating?

LegacyUser

trust me i am not that confident, have asked a girl serving me once - we had the usual customer, waitress banter that obviously misread.
Not much of a social circle really, any of my friends have moved away. Also does not help that i dont drink - so nights out in ireland are utterly boring to me.

LegacyUser

How about walking clubs, or volunteer (community?) groups OP? What ARE your interests/passions, and if you can't think of one....well, maybe that's somewhere to start. And to be honest, I don't really mean to "start looking for women", but more that you find and pursue an activity and become interested, knowledgeable and confident in it. In that way is shyness beaten! When you have a major passion/opinion/knowledge about something, you'll be on track to actually meeting people (women included) who want to have these conversations with you and it's no longer about trying to impress someone, but more about shared interests. A shared interest is a very good start to attraction.

Mr. Loverman

Are you doing everything to maximise your attraction to women?

In no particular order...

1. Nice clothes. If possible, expensive clothes. Ask a girl you know who has good style to come clothes shopping with you. Also buy nice shoes. This is really important.
2. Good haircut.
3. Good hygiene. No harm buying an expensive cologne. (Use sparingly).
4. Clean skin.
5. Good posture.
6. Get your teeth cleaned.
7. Clean up your diet and hit the gym to get a fit looking physique.

1 - 6 can be accomplished in a week. 7 is a long term lifestyle change, but if you go to the gym regularly you'll notice a dramatic change in 3 months.

Some people will be annoyed that I am saying you should be physically attractive or you're only going to attract shallow women or something like that. The reality is physical attraction is really important and it's not actually that hard to make the most of yourself.

As regards where to meet women, it depends what kind of women you want to meet. Can you join the IFI and IMMA? You can meet decent women and make new friends at events there. You could also join a theatre group. Or an art class. These tend to be full of nice ladies.

LegacyUser

Jaysus, that's some list Loverman! Take it from a woman who's more into personality and interests - the important things on that list are:

1. Don't smell bad, ie. wash regularly
2. Don't have yucky unbrushed teeth

The rest is bollix (to me). Unless you are very particular about the expense of style/hair/make-up/shoes/sculpted body of the kind of woman you'd consider for a friend, then ignore all the rest as WAAY too much pressure. Not all women are that fussy, by any means. Your own personality and your own style, plus not smelling manky in any area. That'll do fine OP.

freshpopcorn

I wouldn't worry too much about having expensive/designer clothing. You can get nice clothes on the high street for reasonable prices if you feel your wardrobe needs a bit of freshening up. Somebody who's attracted somebody because there wearing a Jaeger shirt isn't really worth bothering about.
Obviously its good to look well but there's a lot more to it.

Mr. Loverman

-sminky- wrote: »

Jaysus, that's some list Loverman! Take it from a woman who's more into personality and interests - the important things on that list are:

1. Don't smell bad, ie. wash regularly
2. Don't have yucky unbrushed teeth

The rest is bollix (to me). Unless you are very particular about the expense of style/hair/make-up/shoes/sculpted body of the kind of woman you'd consider for a friend, then ignore all the rest as WAAY too much pressure. Not all women are that fussy, by any means. Your own personality and your own style, plus not smelling manky in any area. That'll do fine OP.

His goal should be to be as attractive to as many women as possible. He is, after all, trying to attract women.

My suggestions are easy and will give him an advantage.

Are you honestly saying if he had nice skin it wouldn't be an added bonus? What about if he wore nice clothes, that's not a plus? If he was in shape rather than overweight, that's not a plus? You get my point...

Lalealynn

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

His goal should be to be as attractive to as many women as possible. He is, after all, trying to attract women.

My suggestions are easy and will give him an advantage.

Are you honestly saying if he had nice skin it wouldn't be an added bonus? What about if he wore nice clothes, that's not a plus? If he was in shape rather than overweight, that's not a plus? You get my point...

It's not for us or anyone to decide what his goal should be. We may be pushing him in a place he is not meant to be.

Let him decide if he wants to be attractive to one woman a few or every tom dick and harry. (I am not saying that is wrong in anyway if he does choose that but I don't think we should be dictatorial about it). It could be his goal if he chooses not it should be his goal.

Putting negative thoughts in ones head is not a helpful idea. Firstly it presupposes women are shallow, we are not.

Are you honestly saying if he had nice skin it wouldn't be an added bonus?

well to think it would be a minus to the right woman or even many women is a very negative and damaging thought pattern and I hope the OP knows thats actually the pattern of thinking that is holding people back.

If the op truly decides the place that you describe is where he truly wants and needs to be then thats up to him.

Your list doesn't understand people. Intimacy understanding the unique individual in front of you.

I think we should look as at the OP as an individual too.

It's a very rigid way of thinking and not very sensitive or humanistic.

OP i think we should be supporting you and building you up. I would imagine you are already very highly self critical. So ease up on yourself :-)

Reso 1975 has a good point...fair play to you for asking in the coffee shop and I know how hard asking someone out is.

Well done. I think you are going to be fine. :-)

Mr. Loverman

I don't agree with you at all. Physical attraction is really important. I know this is boards.ie so I expected answers like "it's shallow" or "it's unhealthy" or "looks don't matter" but that's just projecting and not really the real world.

My suggestions for him are simple, they'll make him more confident, and they'll make him more attractive.

And no woman prefers bad skin over good skin. Be real.

Lalealynn

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

I don't agree with you at all. Physical attraction is really important.

And no woman prefers bad skin over good skin. Be real.

I'm very real and genuine.

I am a real genuine female.

I'm just saying we should not put him down under the guise of building him up. That is not real it's fake. And giving him a list which sounds as if it is based on someone's insecurities and trying to force people into molds is not appreciating who they are. That's all.

I am just thinking of what the OP might be feeling.

LegacyUser

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

Are you honestly saying if he had nice skin it wouldn't be an added bonus? What about if he wore nice clothes, that's not a plus? If he was in shape rather than overweight, that's not a plus? You get my point...

First off, thanks to Lalealynn.

Mr. L., some people cannot attain nice skin but that does not make them unattractive people. Your posts have paid no heed to the fact that we can't see the OP, and he could (for all we know) have had a lifetime's struggle with the areas that you are rather crassly suggesting are the criteria for attracting women.

Two women answered you, both with a steer towards the OP needing to be nothing more than himself. Both real women, and in my case in a LTR with a man who is 10yrs older than me, short, bald, nearly always in work clothes (except when in second hand worn but half-way decent clothes) and with a few dodgy (but clean) teeth. I have turned down a number of younger snazzy dressers with effortlessly fit, slim physiques since meeting him because they cannot compare to how gorgeous and kind my man is TO ME. You get my point....

LegacyUser

Just_nervous wrote: »

Hi,
Kind of a personal issue, so think i will go unreg.

Am 33 male in dub with decent job and money, and have never even so much as kissed a girl let alone sex. I have no idea what my looks are like, but im guessing a 5/10. Basially my worry is I will never meet a nice girl, and if i do my 100% lack of any experience will just push her away.
I feel like shyness just robbed me of any experiences i should have had in my 20's and now im 30's i feel too old to hit on any girl i fancy. Anytime i have ever hit on a girl its been a coffee shop type situation and she just looks mortified that i even bothered to ask.

Where is a decent place to meet girls? Not that I would blurt it out but would a girl be put off by lack of experiece ( either basic kissing or even sex ). Am I too old to be hitting on girls ( say 25+ ). Any general advice?

To get back to the OP's actual questions - No Just nervous, I don't think your 100% inexperience will push anyone away who would actually like you. Or your looks. Your shyness might push YOU away tbh.

I really feel like your real question about where is a decent place to meet women is the key to this. Like I said before, a shared interest is a decent place to start because involvement and passion in some activity means that you'd be on the same page already and you'd potentially meet women who tick more boxes for you, and you to tick more boxes for them.

Join a club, or volunteer group in an area that interests you? Helping people/environment, a sport, a book club, community support group....I think you need to meet more people OP.

Mr. Incognito

Mr Loverman has a point. If you look good, you feel confident and that attracts people.

No harm in trying.

Mr. Loverman

Lalealynn wrote: »

I'm very real and genuine.

I am a real genuine female.

I'm just saying we should not put him down under the guise of building him up. That is not real it's fake. And giving him a list which sounds as if it is based on someone's insecurities and trying to force people into molds is not appreciating who they are. That's all.

I am just thinking of what the OP might be feeling.

I accept you like men with bad skin and don't care if they are overweight, dress badly, have bad posture, etc. Good for you.

I'm attracted to models with tattoos. If a girl came here looking for advice attracting men, should I advise her to become a tattooed model, or would it make more sense to give her general advice which isn't specific to my kinks?

Taltos

Mod Note:
OK Mr Loverman you have made your point on the value of looks and personal appearance, please allow others to contribute here as you run the risk of soapboxing your point which is not on here.

LegacyUser

OP here again, thanks for the replies and advice.

I understand that I should try to look my best and I do, Online dating did not work, girls dont seem to bother reading messages once your picture is not hot.
Was turned down again in the last week - really am starting to lose hope, I am not expecting every woman i hit on to like me but at this point in my life i would have expected it to at least half work once!
Sorry dont mean to rant.

Mr. Loverman

Could you do something drastic?

I live in China and I see many guys who would struggle to meet women back home walking around with pretty girls on their arms. It's great.

Is living in Asia for a while an option for you?

As I said, it's drastic but it'd be an adventure and you'd be fighting women off you...

LegacyUser

You have to join a social group.

I know one guy, still lived with Mammy & Daddy at 40. I never heard of him having a girlfriend, but if he had ever had one unknownst to me I suspect he'd have wanted to keep it till marriage as he was quite religious underneath it all. He didn't drink, had no interest in pubs.

But he was gregarious and chatty. Very nice, actually.

So at the age of 40 he joins this Salsa dancing club. I doubt it was to meet women, I'd say it was more cos without pubs he wanted a bit of craic.

There was a woman there he kept getting paired with, she was fairly gregarious too, and it was a laugh. Soon they were having a laugh together.

Anyway they were engaged a year later and now they're out living in her flat very happily. He still takes care of the parents a lot, but she doesn't mind.

NO WAY would he be married now without that Salsa class.