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Pathetic attempts to trick yourself.

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  • 09-10-2014 10:01pm
    #1
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭


    If I buy a packet of biscuits (which I did today), I eat them by breaking a half off then returning to eat the other half 5 minutes later. They're 80% less fattening if you eat them that way. Same goes for cake if you eat a slice in thin slivers.

    Fact.

    When I smoked, I used to smoke from the side of my mouth because you inhale 78% less toxic fumes than smoking them through the centre of your mouth (more direct to the lungs, you see).

    Fact.

    What stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatever things do you do (or did you do) that you know are stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatevs but convince yourself are not stupid by doing something nonsensical to "trick" yourself?


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    #2
    solomafioso
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,095 ✭✭✭solomafioso


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    What stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatever things do you do (or did you do) that you know are stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatevs but convince yourself are not stupid by doing something nonsensical to "trick" yourself?

    Wut.


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    #3
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    solomafioso wrote: »
    Wut.

    Yeah I'm hoping Bluewolf or someone can come in and give me a hand with that sentence.


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    #4
    Birneybau
    Registered Users Posts: 10,268 ✭✭✭✭Birneybau


    Smoking heroin instead of injecting it, can't get addicted that way.


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    #5
    KungPao
    Registered Users Posts: 4,782 ✭✭✭KungPao


    People eating "diet" chocolate bars and cakes, or eating rice cakes.

    You'll be unsatisfied and starving in no time, just have a banana instead.


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    #6
    keith16
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,061 ✭✭✭keith16


    If I go asleep now, I'll have X amount of hours sleep.

    :pac: I'm not gonna sleep now


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    #7
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    KungPao wrote: »
    People eating "diet" chocolate bars and cakes, or eating rice cakes.

    You'll be unsatisfied and starving in no time, just have a banana instead.

    Or eat cake (a whole one) in slivers. Completely calorie-free that way.


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    #8
    Sam Kade
    Registered Users Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    If I buy a packet of biscuits (which I did today), I eat them by breaking a half off then returning to eat the other half 5 minutes later. They're 80% less fattening if you eat them that way. Same goes for cake if you eat a slice in thin slivers.

    Fact.

    When I smoked, I used to smoke from the side of my mouth because you inhale 78% less toxic fumes than smoking them through the centre of your mouth (more direct to the lungs, you see).

    Fact.

    What stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatever things do you do (or did you do) that you know are stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatevs but convince yourself are not stupid by doing something nonsensical to "trick" yourself?
    Fact.

    If you cover your arse with your hand when farting it won't smell :)


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    #9
    KungPao
    Registered Users Posts: 4,782 ✭✭✭KungPao


    Sam Kade wrote: »
    Fact.

    If you cover your arse with your hand when farting it won't smell :)
    Or if you fart, you can turn up the radio to hide the smell.


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    #10
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Sam Kade wrote: »
    Fact.

    If you cover your arse with your hand when farting it won't smell :)

    Or if you clench your bum cheeks, you can force fart back into, eh, the place where farts are kept.


    Fact.


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    #11
    solomafioso
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,095 ✭✭✭solomafioso


    KungPao wrote: »
    ...just have a banana instead.

    Yup....and sorta nope.


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    #12
    Roquentin
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,130 ✭✭✭Roquentin


    i convinced myself i was happy in my "ideal" professional job, when i was actually not


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    #13
    namloc1980
    Registered Users Posts: 18,184 ✭✭✭✭namloc1980


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    If I buy a packet of biscuits (which I did today), I eat them by breaking a half off then returning to eat the other half 5 minutes later. They're 80% less fattening if you eat them that way. Same goes for cake if you eat a slice in thin slivers.

    Fact.

    When I smoked, I used to smoke from the side of my mouth because you inhale 78% less toxic fumes than smoking them through the centre of your mouth (more direct to the lungs, you see).

    Fact.

    What stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatever things do you do (or did you do) that you know are stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatevs but convince yourself are not stupid by doing something nonsensical to "trick" yourself?

    Pfft. Everyone knows that 73% of statistics are made up.


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    #14
    Mech1
    Registered Users Posts: 5,098 ✭✭✭Mech1


    you cant get preggers if i jam it up your ass

    Oh wait.....


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    #15
    namloc1980
    Registered Users Posts: 18,184 ✭✭✭✭namloc1980


    Mech1 wrote: »
    you cant get preggers if i jam it up your ass

    Oh wait.....

    No seriously you can't.


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    #16
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Roquentin wrote: »
    i convinced myself i was happy in my "ideal" professional job, when i was actually not

    What was that?


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    #17
    Intensive Care Bear
    Registered Users Posts: 661 ✭✭✭Intensive Care Bear


    I take my favourite cakes, bars ect and break them in half, because it's broken in half it's half the calories and because it's half the calories i can eat twice as much.


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    #18
    Mech1
    Registered Users Posts: 5,098 ✭✭✭Mech1


    namloc1980 wrote: »
    No seriously you can't.

    yeah thats it, was getting mixed up there.


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    #19
    Roquentin
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,130 ✭✭✭Roquentin


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    What was that?

    killing people.........

    accounting


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    #20
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    Yeah I'm hoping Bluewolf or someone can come in and give me a hand with that sentence.

    you're on your own, lady
    :p


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    #21
    the evasion_kid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,740 ✭✭✭the evasion_kid


    Only for one pint........


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    #22
    Flippyfloppy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    1210m5g wrote: »
    I take my favourite cakes, bars ect and break them in half, because it's broken in half it's half the calories and because it's half the calories i can eat twice as much.

    I like your attitude. How about a promotion?


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    #23
    Banjo String
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,380 ✭✭✭✭Banjo String


    ** puts willy between legs ala silence of the lambs pose**


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    #24
    Talib Fiasco
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,428 ✭✭✭Talib Fiasco


    In order that I'd come home to my own house so that I'd get up early for college the following morning, I'd make sure I'd go out without a condom in my wallet...always a plan doomed to fail.


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    #25
    KungPao
    Registered Users Posts: 4,782 ✭✭✭KungPao


    the evasion_kid wrote: »
    Only for one pint........
    Sure, I'll have one more and watch the end of the match, then off home to me bed...


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    #26
    Lenin Skynard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,970 ✭✭✭Lenin Skynard


    My mother sets her clocks five minutes fast so that she's never late for anything. When I lived there I would just leave five minutes late for everything. It still confuses me to this day, especially since phones and other technology set the right time automatically.


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    #27
    the evasion_kid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,740 ✭✭✭the evasion_kid


    KungPao wrote: »
    Sure, I'll have one more and watch the end of the match, then off home to me bed...

    Cue walking home when the suns coming up....with the birds singing your theme tune in the backround as you strut/stagger homewards


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    #28
    Lalealynn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 272 ✭✭Lalealynn


    Just 15 more mins on the internet then bed. The computer doesn't know!


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    #29
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Lenin Skynard wrote: »
    My mother sets her clocks five minutes fast so that she's never late for anything. When I lived there I would just leave five minutes late for everything. It still confuses me to this day, especially since phones and other technology set the right time automatically.

    That's another thing I do: the time on my mp3 player is 10 minutes fast but I simply deduct the 10 minutes from the time to figure out what the real time it is (this takes about 10 minutes) then carry on with my day.


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    #30
    The Strawman Argument
    Closed Accounts Posts: 477 ✭✭The Strawman Argument


    "I forgot to take my prescription the last two days ...I'll just take three times as much today and it'll be the same!"


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    #31
    Richard Hillman
    Registered Users Posts: 12,033 ✭✭✭✭Richard Hillman


    Something along the lines of

    "Jeez, I'd love a cheese sandwich right now"
    "Im getting pretty fat though. Maybe I should hold out an hour or so"
    "If I put ham on the sandwich it would be less calories than cheese"
    "If I toast the sandwich it would burn off some of the calories before they hit my mouth"
    "I may as well wack a bit of cheese on it too"
    "Feck it, I'll just eat it now since I got rid of those toasted calories"

    30 Mins later

    "Id love another one of those toasted cheese sandwiches"


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