My girlfriend slept with a friend (so called) days before we met.

thesushieater

This happened about a year ago, and I have been with this girl for about a year already. It was only 6 months later when I found out about the incident, I was devastated. My entire impression of her totally changed (didn't think she was the skanky sort). Everything was shaky for a bit but I got over the fact that she slept with this friend of mine. However, the thoughts on her ethics and morals have been bothering me. My girlfriend said to me that she has been a victim of a cheating boyfriend in two of her previous relationships, but when the the incident happened, she slept with this friend of mine with the knowledge that he has a girlfriend. I am puzzled. I managed to sweep this under the rug for a couple months now after finding out, but now it is creeping back unto me. Please advise.

Saipanne

I sympathize with you, to an extent, but I don't think she did anything wrong to you. Either get over it, or break up.

Penny Tration

You DIDN'T see her as skanky? Does that mean you think she's a skank now? If that's what it means, leave her to find someone who respects her.

I don't know why your title says 'so called friend.' Your friend did absolutely nothing to you. Neither did your girlfriend.

Ultimately, her past is her past. Had you never slept with anyone else before her? If you had, well, ye both have pasts.

Tbh you're coming across as extremely insecure, jealous and judgemental.

Either you accept and love your girlfriend, including her past (not in spite of it!), or leave her to find someone who can give her the love she deserves, while you find someone who fits the morals you desire in a partner.

ABajaninCork

thesushieater wrote: »

This happened about a year ago, and I have been with this girl for about a year already. It was only 6 months later when I found out about the incident, I was devastated. My entire impression of her totally changed (didn't think she was the skanky sort). Everything was shaky for a bit but I got over the fact that she slept with this friend of mine. However, the thoughts on her ethics and morals have been bothering me. My girlfriend said to me that she has been a victim of a cheating boyfriend in two of her previous relationships, but when the the incident happened, she slept with this friend of mine with the knowledge that he has a girlfriend. I am puzzled. I managed to sweep this under the rug for a couple months now after finding out, but now it is creeping back unto me. Please advise.

Are you for real??

Who are you to judge her and think she is a 'skank'? She owed no fidelity to you. You weren't with her at the time. Neither did she owe fidelity to your mate. HE is the one in the wrong - Don't you see that? Would you have got on your high horse if the mate cheated with someone other than your GF?

Didn't think so...

You need to get over this - if you want the relationship to continue. If you can't? Then fair enough - Break up with her.

Damien360

I am lost here. She was with someone before you and it bothers you ? Were you with anyone before her ? If yes, then what are you by your own definitions.

I am curious what age you are. You are acting like a 16 year old.

Mr. Loverman

I haven't lived in Ireland for a few years. I forget how conservative it can be.

Why is she a skank because she has sex with someone?
Women are not supposed to have sex, is that it?

I agree it's bad she slept with someone in a relationship, but actually she was single and free to do whatever she wants. It's the fella who is the prick.

Have you ever had sex with other girls?
If the answer is yes, why the double standard?

MagicMarker

If she knew he had a girlfriend then I'd be thinking less of her too.

DukeOfTheSharp

Ok 1: she isn't a skank, she had poor judgement and slept with someone with the foreknowledge that he had a girlfriend, and has a history of being cheated on...at worst, she's a tool. 2: she did this before you had met, so it doesn't effect you enough to call her anything other than a person who did something stupid and downright cruel.

If you've a problem with what she's done, break up with her. If your belief that her strange and contradictory morals could hurt your relationship in the long run, break up with her. But don't jump in and call her a 'skank' or insinuate she's a 'skank' because she slept with someone who was in a relationship. She's sort of an arse, but part of this seems to be the guy was your friend. I get being angry at him for cheating, I get being disappointed in her for going through with it knowing he was in a relationship, but you've no right to judge her sexual dealings and mix them with morality, those are two completely different things. She did something stupid and crap and yes, her rationale is compromised since she did the thing that happened to her - that's something to be worried about - but you have no right to shame her. My advice? Reevaluate your thinking, separate the morality and rationale from the sex, and then consider it.

CaraMay

You shouldn't be with someone you consider a 'skank'. Are you sleeping with her? If yes and you are sleeping with someone you consider a 'skank' do what does that make you? A user - that's what!!!

Break up with the girl - for her sake.

Wompa1

Personally, I wouldn't be up for shacking up with a girl my friend had sex with. Her sleeping with him knowing he had a girlfriend would also be a HUGE red flag. Duck and run

Buona Fortuna

Personally, I cannot imagine calling any gf I've ever had a "skank". Especially to a third party (some no names on the internet) - even the few who did the dirty.

I think you need to look at that. Whether you decide to leave or try and make the relationship work, you either respect her or you don't respect yourself.

hullaballoo

Surely this is an issue between your friend and his girlfriend.

It certainly doesn't seem to have anything to do with you.

If it's bothering you, though, you need to look at that as your own problem that you need to deal with. It would be totally unfair of you to lay any blame on a girl who slept with someone else while they were single. She didn't owe anyone any loyalty at that stage. No matter what your moral standpoint is, it was the cheating boyfriend who did wrong by both his girlfriend and your girlfriend. You can despise what he did but it wasn't a personal affront against you.

I understand that you may feel so uncomfortable in the scenario that you cannot stick and resolve that you have to end it. In doing so, though, you have to take responsibility for the fact that it is your own morals that are offended and not any objective moral standard. In other words, don't try and shove your own moral standards onto your girlfriend.

gaynorvader

thesushieater wrote: »

This happened about a year ago, and I have been with this girl for about a year already. It was only 6 months later when I found out about the incident, I was devastated. My entire impression of her totally changed (didn't think she was the skanky sort). Everything was shaky for a bit but I got over the fact that she slept with this friend of mine. However, the thoughts on her ethics and morals have been bothering me. My girlfriend said to me that she has been a victim of a cheating boyfriend in two of her previous relationships, but when the the incident happened, she slept with this friend of mine with the knowledge that he has a girlfriend. I am puzzled. I managed to sweep this under the rug for a couple months now after finding out, but now it is creeping back unto me. Please advise.

I'm guessing the bolded part is why you think less of her now rather than the simple fact that she slept with someone before she met you. Although, I can understand it'd be a bit weird knowing a friend had slept with your girlfriend.
I can't know her motives, not knowing her, but it sounds like she was trying to validate herself after being cheated on twice. I'd have a talk with your girlfriend and try to understand why she went through with it, knowing she was potentially ruining a relationship, since it's clearly sticking with you.

crazy maisie

Wow it must be great to have such high moral standards. This happened BEFORE you! Get over it.

I suppose if i guy sleeps with other girls you'd pat him on the back and tell him he's a stud.

Taltos

crazy maisie, welcome to PI/RI.

Please have a read of our charter and some other threads here. While opinion is welcome we do ask folk to stay civil and not to generalise. There is a thin line between giving constructive advice that will be listened to and just spewing judgements.

Thanks
Taltos

LegacyUser

Similar thing happened to me....found out a girl I was going out with had (knowingly) slept with a married man just before we met.

I stuck it out for a while, but ditched her in the end.

When it happened didn't bother me, but yes sleeping with someone with a girlfriend is a skanky thing to do.

skallywag

I have no issue whatsoever with this girl being called a skank, did some folks on this thread miss the fact that she knowingly slept with someone who has a girlfriend?

ABajaninCork

skallywag wrote: »

I have no issue whatsoever with this girl being called a skank, did some folks on this thread miss the fact that she knowingly slept with someone who has a girlfriend?

Nope. In the same manner the guy she allegedly slept with, knew good and well he had a girlfriend. She presumably didn't tie him down and force him to do anything! If you're going to call one, then call the other...

MagicMarker

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Nope. In the same manner the guy she allegedly slept with, knew good and well he had a girlfriend. She presumably didn't tie him down and force him to do anything! If you're going to call one, then call the other...

The thread isn't about the other. It's about the op's girlfriend.

skallywag

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Nope. In the same manner the guy she allegedly slept with, knew good and well he had a girlfriend. She presumably didn't tie him down and force him to do anything! If you're going to call one, then call the other...

Absolutely, the guy is a complete pr!ck to do the same. I've no issue at all with tarring them both with the same brush of shame :mad:

Taltos

skallywag - tone it down when posting in PI. If you post similar comments again in this forum it will result in moderator action. As it is I am closing this thread.

Taltos