Stupid things only you can

SureYWouldntYa

Earlier this evening I went to feed the ducks. It started to rain, so I got the last half of the loaf and decided to fling it into the pond. Thing is I forgot to let go of the bread and flung meself in the water

What other stupid stuff can only you do ?

Turtyturd

Never finish my sentences.

solomafioso

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lRIQGU2RRk

Turtyturd

Turtyturd wrote: »

Never finish my sentences.

Scratch that.

Timberrrrrrrr

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

Earlier this evening I went to feed the ducks. It started to rain, so I got the last half of the loaf and decided to fling it into the pond. Thing is I forgot to let go of the bread and flung meself in the water

What other stupid stuff can only you do ?

What a duckhead

solomafioso

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

What a duckhead

Huehuehue...

jamesbere

PizzamanIRL

Get so excited about creating a thread that I forget to complete the thread title.

kneemos

Must have been one heavy mothetfcuking loaf of brea

Daveysil15

I mixed up the coffee with the gravy for the Sunday roast. I had lovely Maxwell house on my spuds.

--LOS--

I'm pretty sure I managed to give myself a concussion a few weeks ago, whacked the back of my head off the wall sitting up in bed, really felt my head shake, it left the front of my head and face really sore weirdly, didn't feel right after it for a few days, felt really strange in my head.

castletownman

Was in a chipper a few weeks ago and when the chips came out in a bowl I didn't realise the salt and pepper were in their own special canisters and instead proceeded to pour sugar from a sachet I thought was salt. Had to drown it out with extra vinegar and red sauce and it was actually quite tasty.

Credit me with the invention when Heston Blumenthal brings a scientific twist to it soon.

toastedpickles

Changing an oil filter on my friends car once and put a bit too much pressure on the bar to open it, my face was where i was holding it, my hand slipped and i punched myself in the face, full force

I can confirm my punches hurt

I am pie

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

Earlier this evening I went to feed the ducks. It started to rain, so I got the last half of the loaf and decided to fling it into the pond. Thing is I forgot to let go of the bread and flung meself in the water

What other stupid stuff can only you do ?

Didn't happen.

Not many people have commented, change this to kicked yourself in the eye or something whacky.

This.. well, it's a sh1t story, for a made up story like.

Daveysil15

toastedpickles wrote: »

Changing an oil filter on my friends car once and put a bit too much pressure on the bar to open it, my face was where i was holding it, my hand slipped and i punched myself in the face, full force

I can confirm my punches hurt

You wouldn't be the first person to do that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdFP-R_LYSM

rawn

I dropped my phone on my face while texting in bed.

cloud493

I fell out of my bed, straight onto a plug.

Timberrrrrrrr

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I mixed up the coffee with the gravy for the Sunday roast. I had lovely Maxwell house on my spuds.

Of course you did, is your name Albert by any chance?

Joe Duffy..

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

Earlier this evening I went to feed the ducks. It started to rain, so I got the last half of the loaf and decided to fling it into the pond. Thing is I forgot to let go of the bread and flung meself in the water

What other stupid stuff can only you do ?

Bull****. That didn't happen.

Victor

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

Earlier this evening I went to feed the ducks. It started to rain, so I got the last half of the loaf

Don't feed bread to ducks. It doesn't match their natural diet and it pollutes the water.

Give them green vegetables or grain.

Roquentin

Daveysil15 wrote: »

You wouldn't be the first person to do that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdFP-R_LYSM

thats ****ing hilarious.....its a bit like when vidal kicked himself and wanted a penalty against madrid

Rosie Rant

I once got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, came back, flopped back down on my bed - and headbutted my bedside locker, giving myself a black eye.

AlanS181824

Stepped on a plug!

Every sane country in Europe, flat plug, Ireland... 3 Pronged spiky bastard!

Still sore....:(

Rosie Rant

rawn wrote: »

I dropped my phone on my face while texting in bed.

We've all done it

Omackeral

This is stupid. And I've only ever heard me doing it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehCcm8L1TYQ

Green Giant

Had a job interview on the outskirts of Dublin two years ago, researched like hell for it and brought my finest suit with me to change into when I got there, as I didn't want to wear it in the car going up.

Somewhere near the Citywest exit from the M7, I realised I had forgotten to bring a shirt. Also, the interview wasn't near enough to anywhere that I could swing in and buy one, nor did I have time to take a detour to Liffey Valley.

I didn't get the job.

Gannicus

rawn wrote: »

I dropped my phone on my face while texting in bed.

cloud493 wrote: »

I fell out of my bed, straight onto a plug.

Have done both of these. The plug being the most painful.

Couple nights ago I got up about 3am to go the jax. Went back up to bed and decided to jump into the air and sprawl out mid air so I'd land flat on the bed. Little did I know the dog had crept under the duvet . Just as I was landing I felt something under the duvet but it was too late to stop me. I landed full force on the dog. It yelped and squealed and shot out from under me and like a bolt of lightning was gone down the stairs. Woke everyone in the house up and they were none too happy with Gannicus.

eamonnq

Forgot to take off my seat belt when getting out of the car, walked into the house with the car swinging behind me, knocked over a lamp in the hall.

Sinister Kid

Put the shopping away, went to make a cuppa after and couldn't find the milk. Started to doubt if I even bought milk... had to go back to the shop to buy milk...


Two weeks later I find the gone off carton of milk in the press under the sink behind all the cleaning stuff!

Pherekydes

The metal trim is coming away from the glass on the oven door. So I decided to fix it myself. As you do. Anyway I was removing the door and I grabbed each side, but I managed to catch the fleshy part of my hand between the metal trim and the door itself. It took off a nice lump of skin. Cue a trip to the doc and two stitches. And I've still to fix the damn door.

Uh, why could I only have done it? Because I was the only one in the house. :pac:

GerB40

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I mixed up the coffee with the gravy for the Sunday roast. I had lovely Maxwell house on my spuds.

I watch Only Fool's & Horses, especially the episode where uncle Albert mixes the coffee with the gravy for the Sunday roast..

Edit; Looks like Timberrrrrrrr got there first. A bit of advice Daveysil, if you're going to plagiarise use something that isn't well known.