Unfulfilled Career

LegacyUser

I will try to keep this short. Basically I am a 35yr old male, happily married, a great child, earn decent enough money, job security, nice house etc….nothing to really complain about. However, while all is going well in my personal life, I have lately become increasingly unhappy/unsure about my professional career and where it is going.

In brief, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do after college, so I kind of fell into a course that I thought I might like. Having obtained my degree, I then fell into a job soon after that suited that course. All the while, me still not being really sure if this is really what I wanted but just going with it anyway.

10 years later and with a few more decent qualifications under my belt I feel I am now in some ways “stuck” or am beginning to stall. I am looking at my situation and still feel the same way I felt back when I was deciding my college course, being not really sure if this is what I wanted to do professionally. While I am not in any way struggling in work, I do not however envisage myself being someone who is going to be a “high flyer” either. I look at others around me in my workplace and see their enthusiasm for their work, something I do not really have. The feeling of jealousy and resentfulness at also seeing others progress in work, even when I know they probably deserve it more than I do, is beginning to really get to me.

As I noted initially though, my current job provides me with a decent income, job security and a good work/life balance to spend time with my young family which is also massively important to me. On one hand I feel why should I rock the boat when things are going good for me, just keep doing what you are doing and don’t get so stressed about everything. On the other hand though I look and think that I have another 25-30 years in the workplace, surely there is more to accomplish than just this. Knowing what I know now about myself, I wish I could go back to the start and make some very different choices about the path my career has followed.

Basically I have 2 questions:

So in the bigger picture, I am interested to hear other people’s opinions on what a job/work means to them. Is it a means to an end, in that it provides money for you in order to live the life you want outside of work? Or is it something more than that, does a job need to be something that drives you to keep wanting to improve and better yourself?

Also, has anyone else found themselves in a similar position to me, feeling like you are settling because of the position you find yourself in while also feeling that you have more to offer in something different?

Wanderer2010

Hi OP, I happen to know exactly how you feel! I have a great flat, a few decent mates, a partner and a well paid job but I was really stuck in a rut a few years back when it dawned on me I had no passion at all for my industry and I really didnt care what happened or didnt happen as long as I got my cash. Then I realized this isnt a bad thing as such and channeled my energies into something to look forward to which you couldnt get if you werent working. Example, I was in Bali earlier this year after saving for a few months and it hit me one day in my 5 star hotel looking out the view that I am very very blessed to have the means to enjoy my life in whatever way i please (with you it could be family holiday, second honeymoon, extension etc).

I am not going to patronise you and tell you to just be grateful to have a job when so many are unemployed, as I think that is horrible advice which helps nobody and usually stems from jealous or bitter people. My advice certainly isnt a one-size-fits-all but I would write a simple list of pros and cons of your job and have a good long think about which is stronger and if you are willing to put up with the cons. For me, a lot of people I work with are just horrible and there are times when its very stressful. But....I can take a number of holidays with my mates during the year plus wear nice clothes and have relaxing weekends away etc. Its different for everyone, for you the training might be good but commute bad. Have a look at your own list and see where you sit in it.

Remember as well that the grass is rarely greener and all jobs have some bad points to them and a point where your interest will naturally level out. The best of luck OP!

Mr. Incognito

I find that you will focus your energy where your passion lies and other things may suffer.

You seem to be focusing on your family and as a result are not the high flier in the office. While this probably seems like a limitation between office hours I don't think it feels that way on the weekend.

A job is a job. For some people it is an identity. Not so for you, it seems a means to an end. I think you cannot cut it both ways- you cannot have an amazing all consuming high powered career and then just switch off any be a family man.

Everyone is going to be different really but it seems to me like you are not feelings stimulated or challenged. Maybe look at a sideways role in another organisation?

Wompa1

I'm almost 30. In my career for over 8 years. I'm kind of the opposite as you at the moment. Not feeling as though my career has stopped progressing. It's rapidly progressing but like you, I never really wanted to do this as a course in college, let alone as a job. I just fell into it and made the most of what I got. Now, I'm feeling that I'd like to start focusing my energy on something else.

I feel like that will probably be my personal life. Unfortunately, as I've got older, I've actually lost interest in all of my hobbies. The way I see it now. I'm going to spend the next 5 or 6 years keeping up my current work ethic and saving my pennies away to give me the security I need to do whatever I want.

Hopefully that will include at least a three month break away from work and start a family. I'd like to try out some new hobbies too

hairycakes

Hi OP,

I know exactly where you are coming from. I did an Arts degree in college which though I enjoyed, I didn't know what I wanted to do next. Fell into customer service/administration straight after finishing and have been there ever since (nearly 9 years now). The job is fine but I have no passion towards it and feel I'm going nowhere with it. I also have a little girl who I need to provide for so I can't exactly pack it all in. I could keep doing what I'm doing and realistically life would be fine for me but unfulfilled. It's not that I'm looking for a job which would give me more money, although that would be nice. I want a job in which I feel useful and making a real difference to someone. It has been really getting to me that past two years and early this year I decided I would make moves to get into the area I want (social care). I've started to do some small time volunteering and I've taken an evening class. Through doing this I've made great contacts, one in particular, who is really encouraging and helping me get into the area I want to be in. Just through the volunteering I already feel more fulfilled and feel it's an area I have a vocation for (shame I didn't realise sooner!).

My question back to you is do you have any idea what you would like to do? If you can figure that out, you should be able to work out if it is feasible to make a change.

santana75

Op I know exactly what you're talking about. I call it Revolutionary road syndrome. I'm in a similar situation and face some big decisions. I could play it safe and stay where I am but I think about doing what I'm doing for another 10 years and it scares the hell out of me.
The trick though is figuring out what you'd like to do if you did move away from your current job? I would stop comparing myself to your work colleagues though, maybe they're driven by money not passion or they Dont really care so long as it pays the bills. A lot of people are like that, you're obviously not and that's a great thing.
Its not all or nothing though, I mean you Dont have to jack in the job and go live in a commune in India. There's a middle ground, you can explore yourself a bit more, take some the just for you and try Some things you've always been interested in. But definitely do something because this won't leave you alone, it won't go away. I know you gotta look after your family but in order to that properly you have to look after yourself first and foremost.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the replies so far,

I think the issue has been hit on in a few of the posts. While I may be personally unfulfilled in my current job, I am however providing a very stable lifestyle to my family. It scares me to death to rock that boat and bring some instability into my personal life when everything is exactly how I would like it to be. However from a personal happiness point of view, to continue trudging along in my current role without ever achieving what I see as any major success or feeling like I am majorly contributing to anything also doesn’t fill me with joy either. Like most people, I like the feeling of progressing and achieving, something which I think has come to halt in recent years.

Maybe I should just be happy with my lot, go home every day, spend my time and the money I earn with the people who are important to me and not stress out about it so much. I am fully aware there are probably people who are reading this and thinking I should just be happy that I have a decent job and nice life outside of work.

To answer your question hairycakes, I have great notions about myself and what I think I would like to do with my career if I could start over, however being honest, I couldn’t say with any great confidence I really know exactly what I want even now. I just know I have hit a bit of a barrier in recent years and the desire to get really motivated about something I am not even sure is for me is not really there. Life doesn’t always play out exactly like you have envisaged, I just never imagined myself being someone who at 35 had achieved most of what life had in store for me.

Lalealynn

You only live twice or so it seems
One life for yourself and one for your dreams

I think you will become very bitter unless you keep trying. Don't listen to others telling you what you need, they might push you to where you are not meant to be, a job keeps you ticking until you have your career i guess motivation for the dream.

Do it bit by bit you have your personal life where its at. Your family will stand by you, you'll find a way.

But you really have to think about what you want.

Zulu

Regret the choices you make, not the ones you dont.

If you are not happy change. It mightnt get any better but at least you tried. Take control of your life.

implausible

StickOrTwist wrote: »

To answer your question hairycakes, I have great notions about myself and what I think I would like to do with my career if I could start over, however being honest, I couldn’t say with any great confidence I really know exactly what I want even now.

It could be worthwhile getting an appointment with a guidance counsellor, to get a handle on what you'd like to do or where your strengths lie. Nightclasses, online courses and volunteering are a good way to dip your toe into other areas without making any drastic changes or chucking in the job, they might clarify what you don't want to do if anything else.