in the dark or all the facts

biancab

Should expectant mothers be given all the facts about childbirth ? I for one wish I had known what to expect, I know sometimes it's better to not know , but I had no clue what was happening to my body after my son was delivered by emergency section, the labour was horrific

Idrive

That is a difficult thing to say. I understand where you are coming from but would it really help to know that contractions are like your body splitting in two :0).
I have never experienced pain like it and really thought I could breath my way through. My birth plan was awash with lovely little pieces about not needing any pain relief and such and such, which meant when I asked for something the birth " plan " was used against me in a way to try and deter me.
I had a fast enough labour with no pain relief and boy did I feel it. I've actually blocked out the crowning of babies head but I remember thinking WTF. And why hadn't anyone told me the real deal.

biancab

Idrive wrote: »

That is a difficult thing to say. I understand where you are coming from but would it really help to know that contractions are like your body splitting in two :0).
I have never experienced pain like it and really thought I could breath my way through. My birth plan was awash with lovely little pieces about not needing any pain relief and such and such, which meant when I asked for something the birth " plan " was used against me in a way to try and deter me.
I had a fast enough labour with no pain relief and boy did I feel it. I've actually blocked out the crowning of babies head but I remember thinking WTF. And why hadn't anyone told me the real deal.

I didn't really have a birth plan , as I am a newbie I just went with the advice I received from my midwife , she was fantastic and very sympathetic , I had to be induced as I was 10 days overdue with a pretty big baby (9.5lbs) , I had all but the kitchen sink during labour I just never got to the pushing stage.
it was a bit of a let down and I'm still quite upset with myself that I had to have a section , I was just unfortunate I guess , having said that I wish I'd known .

Jerrica

I'm a big fan of being informed, and I went to great lengths to try and find out as much as possible beforehand. I did have a set of birth preferences, but we described them as "best case scenario" ideals and kept an open mind. I'd have loved a drug free, hands off birth but baby had her own ideas, she was born back to back and we both had a tough time with a lot more interventions than we'd anticipated. But, because we'd listed our preferences, the midwife and obstetrician took a lot of time to explain our options and we gave informed consent for everything that was done so I came away feeling that I had retained my autonomy during the experience.

The feelings you're describing are very common for women who have traumatic labour experiences OP, and I think it's a huge failing of the Irish maternity system that women aren't given more information, more options and more say in such a personal and individual experience.

There are counsellors who specialise in post labour trauma, and organisations like Nurture will also be able to put you in touch with someone to talk to if you think it would help.

Rose35

My experience was not good either, it was a long labour, I was put on a drip as I couldn't keep anything down not even water, It nearly ended in an emergency c-section and baby was born with a team of doctors and midwives on hand in case..... we are now two years down the road and i still am not fully over the experience and to be honest it is putting me off going for number 2 and the fact my little boy was distressed during the latter stages of it I keep thinking I could have lost him...the horror

Big Bag of Chips

biancab wrote: »

... it was a bit of a let down and I'm still quite upset with myself that I had to have a section ,

I really don't like hearing people say this. Why oh why would you be upset at yourself? You delivered a healthy baby (I assume) why would you be disappointed with yourself because of the way it was delivered?

I think far too much pressure is put on women to have the "perfect" birth. Yes it is natural and our bodies are built for it yadda yadda! But it is also highly risky, and anything can go wrong. I'd much rather be handed a healthy baby and have "cheated" than to put either myself or my baby at risk.

I had 4 births, all completely different experiences. First was a section, 2 with epidural (1 theatre were already prepping for me!) and 1 with no pain relief at all. I don't feel wrong, wronged or differently about any of my deliveries. I was handed a beautiful baby at the end of each and that to me was more important than HOW they got there.

No woman should ever feel, or ever be made to feel, upset or disappointed in herself for how her labour goes. It's a tough enough job, during and after without feeling the added pressure of not doing it "right".... We're our own worst enemy, really!!

As for been given all the facts, I don't think it's possible. Somebody has said they felt like their contractions were splitting them in half... Not everybody's will be like that.. On my last I felt well able to manage the contractions, pushing etc. I was in the height of it at the time obviously, but it was a surreal, dare I say "enjoyable" experience!!

Some people have terrible horrific labours, others have "easy" ones. There is enough information out there for people to reasearch if they want! Some people want to hear every story... Good and bad. Others want to just wait and see! There's no one size fits all (pardon the pun!) Because of my last labour I would be advising everyone to go without pain relief, but not everyone's labour is going to be a mirror image of mine. There are plenty of horror stories, which people love talking about, but there are many many more "uneventful" births... They just don't make good reading, or story telling!!

lazygal

I wish the antenatal classes were more realistic. some 20%-30% of women will end up with a section, yet this was totally glossed over. I was facing into a 99% chance of a section, and the midwife wouldn't discuss them at all. I wish I'd pressed her on this, and asked exactly what happens, about the aftercare and about future pregnancies. Thankfully my consultant was extremely good at keeping me informed, but the nursing side seemed to want to hush anything that might be negative up.

LegacyUser

My labour lasted nearly 28 hours with no sleep due to loud door slamming in my room. I couldn't keep anything down, either. I had been told that I would need antibiotics after 9 hours (my waters had broken), but after 12 hours I was still waiting for them. All the usual things they told me to do to advance labour, i. e. walking, bouncing etc., had the exact opposite effect of stopping contractions. Why, I will never know. Then the contractions finally became strong and I had to beg for an epidural because I was only 3,5 cm - they normally don't give them before 4 cm. About an hour later I felt this incredible urge to push. Nobody had prepared me for that. It felt as if I had been eating nothing but beans for a week without going to the toilet... I was not examined, just given gas. Another hour full of misery and they eventually decided to check - after making me out to be some kind of wimp as there was no way I'd be fully dilated - and told me to push right then, right there. I was then expected to push my boy out within 3 contractions as his heartbeat rate was going down. I then told them the epidural wasn't working anymore, which was ignored. Instead of waiting for a contraction, an episiotomy was performed between contractions, so I felt every bit of it. I thought I was being slaughtered alive... It finally ended with forceps. The very first words the doctor said to me? "You didn't make enough of an effort, so you suffered a 3rd degree tear. We'll get you into theater now."

Needless to say, I felt like a complete and utter failure. My boy is 19 months now and I am still not entirely over the humiliation and pain of it all. I would have liked to not only be better prepared but also be taken seriously and not be blamed for something I was given no control over whatsoever. 28 hours of no sleep, no food, no drink followed by a super fast last stage of labour and I was effectively told I had failed. Yeah, I think there is lot that can still be improved in Irish maternity hospitals...

biancab

lazygal wrote: »

I wish the antenatal classes were more realistic. some 20%-30% of women will end up with a section, yet this was totally glossed over. I was facing into a 99% chance of a section, and the midwife wouldn't discuss them at all. I wish I'd pressed her on this, and asked exactly what happens, about the aftercare and about future pregnancies. Thankfully my consultant was extremely good at keeping me informed, but the nursing side seemed to want to hush anything that might be negative up.

I have to say I found the nurses great I suppose they don't want to alarm an already anxious mum to be , I have a friend who is a midwife and she was asking me what I thought the nurses could do for mums post birth, I said maybe they could give a booklet on what to expect as regards your own body and emotions and what happens normally or otherwise.
I found the gynaecologist ok ,except when he had to break my waters, now that wasTORTURE!

biancab

biancab wrote: »

Should expectant mothers be given all the facts about childbirth ?

You are. All the information is there if one looks for it and reads it and learns it. Theres books. Magazines. Stories of peoples experiences. Forums like Mumsnet. Programs like "One Born Every Minute".

You have been given all the facts - it is just up to each person to go and imbibe them.

But one must be careful with the phrase "ALL" the facts. There is so many and most of them will be of no interest to you. They will never apply to you because they require things to happen that likely will not happen. To get "ALL" the facts you need to be trained as much as any doctor or midwife in the field and they study for years.

But one can certainly learn the majority of the facts related to a "normal" delivery - and the options one has during that - and then learn facts more about the common complications and what choices are available or not available with each of them. For example many women who desire a water birth do not know that many medics will deny them it if their waters break "too early" in the process.

So it is always good to know not just what your options are - and which ones you are interested in - but what events can deny you those options and so forth.

pwurple

IHearYouOP wrote: »

The very first words the doctor said to me? "You didn't make enough of an effort, so you suffered a 3rd degree tear. We'll get you into theater now."

I had a tear, not as bad as yours... 2nd degree, and the midwives were both apologising to me! Saying that they didn't handle the speed of the birth of her shoulders correctly, and that's why I had that tear.

For someone who has that kind of damage done (and a 3rd degree tear on top of an episiotomy is serious damage), that is one of the worst things I've ever heard said. They have attended thousands of births, you might be on your first. How the fook are you supposed to know what is going on! You can't even see down there.

Please don't feel like a failure, you were very badly treated there, make no mistake about that. If anything, you're a hero for not throwing whatever you had to hand at that plonker.

lazygal

biancab wrote: »

I have to say I found the nurses great I suppose they don't want to alarm an already anxious mum to be , I have a friend who is a midwife and she was asking me what I thought the nurses could do for mums post birth, I said maybe they could give a booklet on what to expect as regards your own body and emotions and what happens normally or otherwise.
I found the gynaecologist ok ,except when he had to break my waters, now that wasTORTURE!

I wasn't anxious, I wanted information. I still remember how dismissive that nurse/midwife was during the class to another woman who asked about birth plans. I had a baby lying in a transverse position so I was never going to go into labour and give birth vaginally. I wanted to know about how my elective section would go and what to do afterwards, and she literally waved away my questions.
I also felt quite 'left alone' when on an antenatal ward and I had to ask what they were doing, no one volunteered the information and one or two seemed to take is as interference when I asked what antibiotics they were giving and why. Luckily it was my second pregnancy so I was able to stand up for myself.

Big Bag of Chips

I think sometimes what happens is everything is so routine to the maternity staff, that they don't realise we haven't a clue about most of it. They deal with hundreds of women in their weekly line of work. So sometimes, maybe not maliciously, they forget that it's not normal for us, or it's not something we are used to dealing with. That is why things aren't fully explained or spelt out for us.

I remember on my first the midwives saying things like "your blood pressure is a bit low/high", "baby seems slightly big/small" etc and then moving on... Leaving me in a panic that something was wrong. But then I started realising that my blood pressure was probably low/high on the average she had tested that day, or the baby was bigger/smaller than the previous baby/babies, but not necessarily anything to get worried over. I stopped taking too much notice of what they said unless the elaborated!! To them I was just "next". To me I was the only one!!!

eviltwin

I can't understand anyone not wanting to be as informed as possible. Knowledge is power and all that. Obviously you can't plan a birth to go the way you want but the more info you have about what to expect and what your rights are as the patient the stronger your position. I don't believe in the kind of scare mongering that goes on sometimes but you can inform someone without a horror story.

biancab

lazygal wrote: »

I wasn't anxious, I wanted information. I still remember how dismissive that nurse/midwife was during the class to another woman who asked about birth plans. I had a baby lying in a transverse position so I was never going to go into labour and give birth vaginally. I wanted to know about how my elective section would go and what to do afterwards, and she literally waved away my questions.
I also felt quite 'left alone' when on an antenatal ward and I had to ask what they were doing, no one volunteered the information and one or two seemed to take is as interference when I asked what antibiotics they were giving and why. Luckily it was my second pregnancy so I was able to stand up for myself.

oh dear that's bad form on the nurses part alright

January

Big Bag of Chips, no offense intended but I think it's unfair of you to say that women shouldn't feel upset because we have csections. Unfortunately sometimes we can't help how we feel and no matter how irrational or silly it is we still feel that way no matter what.

For what it's worth, I've had two csections and two 'natural' (1 with epidural, 1 without any pain relief at all) and I still feel upset and that my body let me down even after six years (that's when I had my first section, my second was five months ago!). I was well informed of anything that could go wrong during labour and birth, I googled to high heaven on each of them. Any twinge, anything a doctor mentioned, anything a midwife mentioned, anything somebody mentioned here, on other parenting forums, anything mentioned on birth info websites was googled for more information.

I knew any and all risk involved with everything but it didn't stop it happening in the end. My first birth ended in an emergency c section under general anesthetic, failed induction, failure to progress and fetal distress all featured in that birth. Oxytocin being the culprit. My body wasn't ready to contract, so even with the oxytocin it didn't and the oxytocin sent my babies heart rate haywire.

Second and third births I went into labour myself, fantastic, my body did what it was supposed to do!

Fourth birth, I went 10 days overdue, despite many tries at sweeps my cervix was tight shut. We discussed induction or elective section and I was so against having to have another csection that I agreed to have my waters broken and a bit of oxytocin (where the consultant basically admitted to me that on first births they don't know how women will react to oxytocin so they just wing it with the dosages but because I had an induction and csection before they'd only use lose doses on me). That was my first mistake, I was so caught up in not wanting another c section that I ended up with another anyway!

If, and that's a bit IF, I ever end up pregnant again nobody will be getting near me with oxytocin but I will be trying for another vaginal birth. If it ends up in c section from going too far overdue, then so be it, but it will be on my terms.

Big Bag of Chips

Sorry, I think you picked me up wrong. I know women do feel bad/guilty/upset etc after sections... I had one myself and really felt like I'd cheated!! What I mean is, we shouldn't feel guilty or be made to feel guilty by others, medical professionals, other women, mothers who've done it by the book etc.

It is normal to feel somehow wrong or wronged, but my point is, I had 1 section, I was 10 minutes away from another. The doctor asked me would I have any objection to another section... At that stage I knew my baby was getting distressed and I just wanted him out and safe. And if I had a section at that time I would have been happy and relieved that my baby was fine. I told the doctor I just wanted him to hand me a healthy baby, he said "That's what I'm here to do."

Labour doesn't always go to plan. My 2 epidural babies had to be suctioned out... Both times the midwives were consoling me that next time I'd do it myself..??? So even after a VBAC... I still should have felt sorry for myself, apparently!!

Maybe I just don't get upset by things that upset others.. But once my babies are here and safe I don't care how the they got here!! Honestly... 5, 10 years post labour .. Does it matter? Have any of us received any special recognition for our method of delivery!!

We are our own biggest critics. We should all learn to give ourselves a break!

Chocolate fiend

If a woman does not have "all" the facts about labour and birth who can she blame though, nobody. The information is out there, it isn't hard to get, knowledge as they say is power so it is up to each and every woman to spend time learning and researching about what can and does happen during most normal deliveries.

I labour quickly, I have scarily fast deliveries, one of them happened at home because there was no time to go to hospital. This is not within "normal" but, does happen and I feel that all pregnant women owe it to themselves to be informed of these sorts of senario's.

LegacyUser

pwurple wrote: »

Please don't feel like a failure, you were very badly treated there, make no mistake about that. If anything, you're a hero for not throwing whatever you had to hand at that plonker.

Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate your reply. The story doesn't even end there, but I try to focus on the positives, i. e., the nurses were extremely nice and understanding. They couldn't have been more helpful!

To everyone saying all the information is out there, well, that is true to some extent, but who is really going to prepare you for nastiness or downright cruelty? For the feeling of having no control over anything to do with your body? That's not something anybody would or should expect in Ireland in the 21st century.

biancab

biancab wrote: »

Should expectant mothers be given all the facts about childbirth ? I for one wish I had known what to expect, I know sometimes it's better to not know , but I had no clue what was happening to my body after my son was delivered by emergency section, the labour was horrific

yea I did my research about birthing , straightforward ,difficult ,post natal depression etc. but I didn't come across much about the mothers body post delivery,
ie massive swelling , so much so I looked like an elephant ha ha ,
despite not seeing much of it for some months , never have I seen my nether region in such a state, sorry TMI

indigo twist

I think it's definitely best to be informed about every possible outcome. I was a big fan of birth stories - I watched every episode of One Born Every Minute! I also read every birth story I could find online, the horror stories and the lovely stories. Of course, I hoped that mine would end up being one of the lovely stories, but I also felt like I was mentally prepared for an agonising three-day labour, or an emergency section, or whatever other outcome might arise.

What I wasn't really prepared for was the effect that going into labour had on me emotionally, on the day. I suppose it's maybe the effect of the natural hormones, oxytocin and all the rest, that your body produces when you're in labour? Because I was more relaxed than I've ever been in my life on the day I went into labour, in fact in hindsight, I was nearly in a drugged up state - ridiculously chilled out! When my waters broke at home, it felt like no big deal at all, and when they had meconium in them after a while, I still didn't panic - just decided that maybe I should see about making my way towards hospital a bit sooner than planned.

In theory, I was armed with all of the information I needed. I knew I wanted minimal intervention. Ideally I was hoping to avoid pain relief. But, while I had the information, and while I had thought I was prepared to be confident and assertive about my wishes and preferences ... well, in my spaced out state, I just went along with whatever they wanted to do. They gave me oxytocin, which in hindsight was completely unnecessary - I was progressing fine, and the baby's heartbeat was fine at that stage. The result was a labour that was far too fast, more painful than anything I could ever have imagined or prepared myself for, and the baby was quite distressed towards the end and came out cold and shocked.

And yes the baby was fine and healthy in the end, and I recovered physically with no problems, and it's great that I didn't have a section or any major complications. In fact, on paper, it was medically a very straightforward birth. But it did take quite a while for me to accept that it wasn't the birth that I'd hoped for, and this wasn't just down to medical circumstances - it's because I didn't speak up for myself enough on the day; I didn't ask enough questions; I didn't listen to my own body.

If I had asked more questions about why they wanted to give the oxytocin; if I had ended up refusing it (as both myself and the baby were fine at the time), who knows what might have happened - I might have ended up having the birth of my dreams, or I might have ended up needing even more intervention, maybe a section. I'll never know, but I've accepted now that there is no point in wondering what I could have done differently, however there are lessons I could learn from it for the next birth (if it happens!)

I don't know if every woman goes into the weirdly calm overly relaxed dream state that I went to; I don't know if it'll happen to me again next time; but if it does, I'll be well prepared by having all of my preferences down on paper - to remind me, as much as to remind the medical staff! I'll also involve my partner an awful lot more when it comes to my wishes - last time, I just didn't really bother, I was quite confident I'd be able to stand up for myself. Next time, I'd like to be confident that he'll ask the questions even if I don't. Also, I came across the mention of "Gentle Birth" when I was pregnant, but didn't really bother reading up on it as I thought it seemed like some sort of hippie rubbish - it's only since the birth I've read up on it a bit more, and it seems like a fantastic program, and something that I'll really look into for my next pregnancy. It's all about making your choices heard - which was my problem. I knew what I wanted, but my wishes weren't conveyed. I've heard of a lot of people having wonderful second births with Gentle Birth even after disastrous first births, so it does give me hope that I might actually enjoy the experience next time. For several months, I swore I'd never go through that again, but now I realise that I don't have to go through the same thing again, I'll just be better prepared next time around and hopefully it'll be a more positive experience.

indigo twist

biancab wrote: »

yea I did my research about birthing , straightforward ,difficult ,post natal depression etc. but I didn't come across much about the mothers body post delivery,
ie massive swelling , so much so I looked like an elephant ha ha ,
despite not seeing much of it for some months , never have I seen my nether region in such a state, sorry TMI

Yes, this is one thing that - despite all my research - I'd never really seen mentioned. I was so horrified at the state of "down there" when I took a peek a few days afterwards. I honestly thought something had gone horrifically wrong, I did not think it could be normal. And a couple of weeks later, it was all back to the way it was before, like nothing had ever happened. Maybe it is TMI, but it's one of the things that no one talks about or warns you about, and I'd have been reassured if I'd known it! I mean, obviously I hadn't been expecting things to spring back straight away, but I hadn't expected what it actually looked like! :eek:

biancab

indigo twist wrote: »

Yes, this is one thing that - despite all my research - I'd never really seen mentioned. I was so horrified at the state of "down there" when I took a peek a few days afterwards. I honestly thought something had gone horrifically wrong, I did not think it could be normal. And a couple of weeks later, it was all back to the way it was before, like nothing had ever happened. Maybe it is TMI, but it's one of the things that no one talks about or warns you about, and I'd have been reassured if I'd known it! I mean, obviously I hadn't been expecting things to spring back straight away, but I hadn't expected what it actually looked like! :eek:

thankfully I can laugh about it now

Rosy Posy

I think that it's incredibly important to be armed with as much information as possible for both the birthing mother and whoever is going to be supporting and advocating for her during the birth, and that both of them are on the same page. It's also really important to be flexible and not be too married to a specific birth plan.

For me, though, while I was happy to read and listen to positive birth stories I had no interest in hearing accounts of traumatic births or watching any kind of birth video. I wanted to have the objective information about what could go wrong but I didn't feel it was helpful to take negative or fearful emotions into my consciousness.

I'm very careful never to talk about birth in anything but the broadest of terms to my 'maiden' friends unless they are actively looking for details. I think this is because I have two close friends with a genuine phobia of pregnancy and birth.

One thing that surprised me about the whole process was the bleeding afterwards and the fact that after that I didn't have a cycle until I stopped lactating. No one told me and it wasn't in the book that my parents left on my bed as a preteen in lieu of an actual 'birds and bees' conversation.

Das Kitty

I don't think any amount of reading or being told can prepare you for the reality.

I knew it all going into my first birth, and still came out terribly traumatised after a very difficult and long birth.

I do think that perhaps I had read a bit too much. I had my expectations and they were dashed by reality. I felt I had failed. I think if I had gone with the flow and had no expectations this would have been lessened.

I don't know really. You can't go back, you can only go forward and I approached my second birth more coolly and it was a fantastic experience. I did opt out of labour the second time though! :pac:

ariana`

Rose35 wrote: »

My experience was not good either, it was a long labour, I was put on a drip as I couldn't keep anything down not even water, It nearly ended in an emergency c-section and baby was born with a team of doctors and midwives on hand in case..... we are now two years down the road and i still am not fully over the experience and to be honest it is putting me off going for number 2 and the fact my little boy was distressed during the latter stages of it I keep thinking I could have lost him...the horror

My 1st was very similar to yours, it went on forever so in the end he was in distress and every instrument possible was used to get him out as there wasn't even time for a section. He spent his first 24hrs roaring crying (yes i had that baby that cried all night while all the other mammies with dream babies cursed him - one lovely mammy told me the next morning how she thought i was amazing to stay to calm with him all night (she meant well but i was mortified!)), in the end the doctors had to give him pain relief, his head was so badly cut (he still has scars from it - and i still cry and feel so guilty every time i look at them or think about it).

But fast forward a few years and my 2nd was a dream labour/delivery, no intervention, just me, my partner and midwife present. I needed no stitches afterwards, i felt euphoric for want of a better word and wouldn't have changed a moment of it, it was the amazing experience that i hoped for on my 1st. So don't be put off, the next one could be a lot different.

IvyTheTerrible

I had read a lot and I knew what to expect in terms of the birth which helped a lot. This might sound silly but I was much more shocked/traumatised by the after-effects and how little I knew about it. I had an episiotomy and a tear (baby with a giant head, plus a very quick pushing phase) and no-one told me how painful recovery would be, and how long it would take (sex after 5 weeks, ha ha yeah right). Also the bleeding afterwards was a bit of a shock too. I knew I would bleed but I didn't realise how much.

Having said that, I'm glad I knew what I did, my mother said she didn't know anything and so she got a big shock when she had to push out the afterbirth.

we'llallhavetea

ignorance was bliss for me tbh, i didn't look anything up and i'm glad! i couldnt have coped with the impending doom hanging over me.

Hannibal Smith

I dunno can anything prepare you for it? You watch one born every minute etc and still you can't appreciate the reality. Even afterwards its hard to remember how it all was exactly.

I usually have quite a high pain threshold. ..but good jaysus! Lol I have never experienced anything like labour and I never even got to the pushing stage! It felt relentless!

Whatever about beforehand I would have liked more information afterwards. Did I cause them to go into distress? Did I go into distress and that's why I didn't progress like I should have. Afterwards I never really thought to ask because I wastoo busy lol. But I suppose its the medics job to keep you calm so you can recover, so maybe I didn't need to know.

Neyite

I think a debrief afterwards of your labour would be great, say at the 6 week checkup.

After my EMCS the surgeons who performed it came around to me the next morning to ask if I'd any questions for them but I didnt - I was still dazed, in awe of my little one, just delighted he was here.

It was only in the weeks afterwards when I was healing that I wondered about failure to progress (my EMCS reason) and had questions based on that.

Sittingpretty

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I had read a lot and I knew what to expect in terms of the birth which helped a lot. This might sound silly but I was much more shocked/traumatised by the after-effects and how little I knew about it. I had an episiotomy and a tear (baby with a giant head, plus a very quick pushing phase) and no-one told me how painful recovery would be, and how long it would take (sex after 5 weeks, ha ha yeah right). Also the bleeding afterwards was a bit of a shock too. I knew I would bleed but I didn't realise how much.

Having said that, I'm glad I knew what I did, my mother said she didn't know anything and so she got a big shock when she had to push out the afterbirth.

This. I too think I knew too much.

I wish I'd known more about how to look after a baby in the first few weeks and coping with the unbelievable tiredness than knowing step by step what was happening during labour.

My labour was 26 hours that went by in a FLASH the first few weeks however were a TOTAL shock to my system!

Rosy Posy

Neyite wrote: »

I think a debrief afterwards of your labour would be great, say at the 6 week checkup.

After my EMCS the surgeons who performed it came around to me the next morning to ask if I'd any questions for them but I didnt - I was still dazed, in awe of my little one, just delighted he was here.

It was only in the weeks afterwards when I was healing that I wondered about failure to progress (my EMCS reason) and had questions based on that.

Is that not a thing in Ireland? Here in NZ it's a midwife led service that goes through pregnancy to six weeks post partum and they do a full debrief of your labour- she gets you to tell your story and then does a sort of fill-in-the-blanks with technical stuff.

I had a bit of a traumatic labour with my second and when I was pregnant with my third the midwives devoted one whole visit to talking about what had happened and how to make me feel comfortable and avoid the same thing happening subsequently.

Neyite

Rosy Posy wrote: »

Is that not a thing in Ireland? Here in NZ it's a midwife led service that goes through pregnancy to six weeks post partum and they do a full debrief of your labour- she gets you to tell your story and then does a sort of fill-in-the-blanks with technical stuff.

I had a bit of a traumatic labour with my second and when I was pregnant with my third the midwives devoted one whole visit to talking about what had happened and how to make me feel comfortable and avoid the same thing happening subsequently.

Nope, not in my experience anyway. I know where to move to if I have another baby though . The NZ system sounds great.

lazygal

Pre and post natal care is the real difference between public and private IME. I had a full check up both times with my consultant 11 weeks post section. She went through the reasons for the sections (even though I was well aware of them), checked the scar, checked how my uterus was doing, advised on contraception and offered a further follow up if i felt it was necessary, which I didn't. I also had her overseeing my care during my hospital stay and I felt I had a better experience than friends who went private, because there was simply more time available for me to ask about things.
I had the usual GP appointment at two weeks (I think?) and while my GP is great in many ways I felt the follow up with the consultant made much more sense, as she had been the one there before, during and after the births.

Rosy Posy

Neyite wrote: »

Nope, not in my experience anyway. I know where to move to if I have another baby though . The NZ system sounds great.

It really is. I know I keep going on about it here and elsewhere but it's fantastic and because you don't ever see a doctor unless you're high risk it's actually way cheaper for the government. Also it's all free (even for our first when we my oh was on a work permit and I was on a working holiday visa) and there's no shared labour ward- straight to the delivery suite, then to a private room with bathroom and lazyboy recliner for Dad to sleep on!

Flippyfloppy

This thread is bringing back some hard memories...not good when I'm due a scheduled section in a couple of weeks!!

I'm happy I was in the dark I suppose, there's no way I could have prepared for labour, plus I was afraid enough deep down anyway!

In regard to actually being given facts... the worst is when staff tell you different things. My experience of that is when my labour had failed to progress, they had tested a part of my babies scalp, (I hadn't a clue what this was about) most of the team left the room leaving us with one midwife. I asked her what was going on, she said that baby was in distress and they were going to do a section. Myself and my husband were worried and when the team arrived back, I was all anxious asking if my daughter was ok, and the doctor queried why I was asking these questions. I said because my baby is in distress, only for the doctor to say 'we have no reason to think that' and myself and my husband just looked at the midwife in question, too tired to argue. It was bizarre.

I was c-sectioned anyway, and had been told I wasn't trying to push properly (reading '1.30am : Poor Maternal Effort' in my notes at my booking visit for this pregnancy was so upsetting I was in tears, because I was trying so so hard)

The next day, the nicer doctor that had been on visited me, and said my daughter was just too big for my pelvis, which is why things hadn't progressed. This, I found scary, because I thought your pelvis expanded. Then when I met my consultant during this pregnancy, and was giving my reasons for wanting a section this time, he said that my daughters size had nothing to do with failure to progress, it was to do with the fact she was sunny side up ?!? After a year and a half of thinking her size was the cause?!

And the midwife informed me I had hemorrhaged nearly a litre of blood as well, and said sometimes people are so out of it that they forget....I had been under a general anesthetic for the section, but I know for a fact that noone came and told us that! I remember the silliest little things and exactly who came to visit me!!

Sligo1

Rosy Posy wrote: »

It really is. I know I keep going on about it here and elsewhere but it's fantastic and because you don't ever see a doctor unless you're high risk it's actually way cheaper for the government. Also it's all free (even for our first when we my oh was on a work permit and I was on a working holiday visa) and there's no shared labour ward- straight to the delivery suite, then to a private room with bathroom and lazyboy recliner for Dad to sleep on!

I love the NZ system!!! Sooooo much more efficient than the Irish system. And the hospitals aren't from the Stone Age like they are here. If it wasn't for my family being here id be back there in a shot! I miss it