husband nearly committed suicide

Atmywittsend

I need some advise. my husband has suffered from depression for some years now. He is on a lot of tablets f or this which don't seem to make any difference in fact it seems he would be as well off eating sweets. He has cut himself in the past but only small grazes and has immediately blamed me for it. He blames everyone for his problems and takes no responsibility at all. He hasn't worked for 5 years because he feels it will put him under too much pressure and when I tell him I need him to get a job he says I'm going to cause him to kill himself and that I'm selfish. I work full time support him our child that is 2. I pay the mortgage and all other bills, have to pay for everything ok he is home looking after our child. I need him to help me but he won't. Last week I asked him how the job hunt was going and he said I was unreasonable and took advantage of him. I got angry and told him I was not happy and wanted him to leave, he pushed me out of his way, said he was going to make me pay and was going to kill himself. He took a knife and cut himself really badly in front of me, there was blood everywhere and he laughed at me. I did all I could to help he was loosing so much blood I called ambulance and had to do cpr on him when his heart stopped waiting for help. I managed to get his heart going and he was taken to hospital. I spoke to psychiatric nurse and said he needed help but he managed to make then believe he wasn't a risk tof himself. Now he's home and has told me it was all my fault and he will do I t again but will do it properly next time. I'm so numb with hurt and images of what happened. When I told him this he said I was selfish and that I don't care
About him. Help I don't know what to do

Ann84

Hi OP, I'm sorry you are going through this but it sounds like your husband is very unwell.
First off, you are not responsible for his actions however, I would advise you to get in touch with social services quickly, he may need to be sectioned for an evaluation and for his own safety.
If you believe he is at risk of a repeat of this you can't live in fear, you need to get help him help from psychiatric services, you can't help him no more than if he had cancer.

I know this sounds extreme but I have personal experience of a similar situation and you shouldn't be dealing with this alone, I'm shocked questions weren't asked in the hospital frankly but that's another story.

http://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/information/finding-support.html

DazMarz

Involuntary committal to a psychiatric hospital may help. Here is the Citizens' Information page on committal; specifically the section on involuntary committal.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/health/mental_health/admission_to_a_psychiatric_hospital.html

I think that depression is an awful disease, but your husband blaming you for it is completely out of order. You need to protect not only yourself but your child as well. For someone to do that in front of their own wife is deplorable, depression or not. And to laugh about it as well?

The trauma you have suffered is awful. Apologies if I'm being harsh, but I really think that you need to get him committed to a hospital where he can be treated. As soon as possible. Before he does it again.

DukeOfTheSharp

I'm on board with the putting him in a hospital idea. And how in god's name he managed to convince the doctors he wasn't a risk to himself is beyond me. He's not well, he's far south of unwell and his depression is extremely bad. He isn't just at a stage where he gets bouts of bad lows, he's in a mindset that's very difficult to handle.

The usual I'd advise with this would be to let him talk until he's done talking, and then let him talk some more, but he's clearly past that stage at this point if he tried to kill himself and laughed because he was 'getting one over' on you. Get him sectioned as quickly as possible, he's clearly in desperate need of help and there could be more than a few underlying psychological issues with him.

On top of all of that, get yourself some help too. This is a high-stress situation and you need care too. Don't forget that.

indigo twist

For the sake of your child, you need to get help - you say he's at home minding the child during the day; he seems intent on "punishing" you, I'd be very concerned that he'd do so by hurting the child next time and not just himself. You are not to blame in all of this, but please go to your GP immediately and tell them everything and ask how best to get him immediate and urgent help. And please don't leave your child alone with him anymore while he's so unwell.

Merkin

indigo twist wrote: »

For the sake of your child, you need to get help - you say he's at home minding the child during the day; he seems intent on "punishing" you, I'd be very concerned that he'd do so by hurting the child next time and not just himself. You are not to blame in all of this, but please go to your GP immediately and tell them everything and ask how best to get him immediate and urgent help. And please don't leave your child alone with him anymore while he's so unwell.

I came on to post the same thing. Your husband is clearly extremely unwell and intent on 'showing' you, you simply cannot leave your child in his care for a moment. Take tomorrow off work, go to your GP and request that he be sectioned. It is a relatively straightforward process. I'm amazed that he was discharged so casually. Please put your child first.

Taltos

OP I am with the rest here your husband needs more help than you are able to give him. His refusal to take any responsibility and to attempt suicide over a reasonable request to get a job to help support his daughter is a clear signal something is seriously wrong.

Have a look at this thread for some other organisations who will be able to help you too. They can better advise you on what you can do but you have to keep this at the forefront of your mind - if/when he attempts again, it is not your fault. I like some of the others as well would be concerned though at his next attempt to punish you - it may not stop at just hurting himself. Please get some help today...

Suicide

1Life Suicide Prevention Helpline - (1800 247 100) - service for anybody who may be feeling suicidal, in crisis or worried about a loved one or friend.

• Freephone Helpline, available 24 hours every day - 1800 247 100
• By text message - Text the word HELP to 51444

turn2me.org - online mental health community providing peer and professional support to people in distress. Boards.ie also has a registered representative contactable at turn2me.org

Pieta House - Suicide and Self Harm Crisis Centre, providing services for those who are in suicidal distress and those who engage in self-harm. Contact information for your local Pieta House can be found here.

National Office for Suicide Prevention - information and signposting resource regarding suicide in Ireland. NOSP is not a crisis support service.

LegacyUser

God, you poor poor thing. Same as everybody else I advise you to go to a GP immediately (a good one, and tell them everything). I believe the procedure is that it takes a close family member, a GP and a Garda to have somebody sectioned, but in my experience if (when confronted with this) he decides to go voluntarily (I think this means he can sign himself out after a certain period), then he will potentially pull the wool over the eyes of whoever assesses him first. This happened when my ex-husband went in voluntarily (also after a suicide attempt) and only for me having been the one to bring him in, and requesting to speak to the psychologist myself, they would have sent him home.

Given that your fella is so threatening and in the business of blaming you for all his woes, it shouldn't be you bringing him in, but someone who has heard ALL your story and who is qualified to speak to the psychologist on your behalf. Do speak to the organisations above, and to my mind, if you have somewhere you can go you should leave as soon as possible so you and your child are not in this appallingly dangerous situation. Get all your ducks in a row first, with the GP and all the advice you can get from those organisations, and whatever happens, it's not your fault AT ALL.

elaney

Please go to your gp as soon as possible op. Remove your child from his care as soon as possible. I cannot believe he managed to convince hospital staff
he was ok. Is there any family member you can go to with your child?.Please look after yourself.

willow tree

It is a disgrace that he was discharged. He needs to be in a programme. You have become everything so he projects all his crap onto you. It is not yours. Easier said but you need to protect yourself & dd. Whatever he does or feels is his responsibility, not yours. Get support. You dont mention his family or your family or friends, are they Round, supporting him or you.
You cant do anymore & its not healthy for him to live with ye at the moment. Maybe ring pietA HOUSE? HOPE YOU get support.

dellas1979

Atmywittsend wrote: »

I spoke to psychiatric nurse and said he needed help but he managed to make then believe he wasn't a risk tof himself.

Am utterly shocked and quite spooked to read this :eek:

Ring those place, ASAP OP!

If he is becoming that manipulative (and you are not being heard), I honestly would even go the route to try and (voice) record him.

catonthewire

You need to have your husband sectioned asap....

He has lost complete control, as a person who suffers from mental health illness I fully understand both sides in the situation...
Ring your husbands GP and insist that he is placed in a hospital, he needs an immediate psychiatric treatment and you and your child need to feel.safe.

You can also contact aware and seek.support you have undergone a massive shock and need to speak to people who are trained to help....
For both your sakes make the call to the GP...

Wompa1

Something similar happened to my uncle. My aunt did pretty much the same thing, even down to the cutting part. She has been suffering with depression for over 20 years. He got her sectioned and treated. It's a tough one! Best of luck

pc7

I haven't been able to get your post out of my head OP, my heart absolutely breaks for you its a horrendous situation for you to be in without support. I can only echo what good advise the other posters have given, please try again for help and remove yourself and your child from this man until he receives the help he needs. I was listening to the Kathleen Chada interview with Pat Kenny yesterday and just kept thinking of your situation. I really hope things get better for you.