Is it weird to be a virgin at age 25

Hercules99

To be honest I know the answer to that question is yes it is weird and I am a virgin aged 25 !! I just said I'd post this in here though as I think this forum is probably more critical and less sympathetic to posts like this. And it's not sympathy I want. It's advice.

I have never been with a girl. I've kissed a few briefly but only in nightclubs. I honestly don't know what I'm doing !

I've worked so hard to improve myself over the last few years. I religiously go to the gym and go running and I have a strict diet. I do this just in the hope that it will make me a better person maybe a more attractive person. I would have a very athletic / gymnastic type figure (think GAA Player or soccer player). I spend most my money on personal items rather than experiences too not out of choice just that I don't have many opportunities and things such as new clothes all help to make you a better person too (not in a vain way it's just a fact)

I work so hard in work (I'm an engineer) too. I always give 100% just in the hope that it will make me better too maybe work to my advantage down the road sometime. I always do my best and I always try to be the best. I try to be a leader. I try to work on things I'm weak on, e.g. standing up and giving presentations to a group.

I know some people might say what do I do to meet girls and the answer is very little. But I don't know what to do. People say join clubs / societies but what does a sports mad person like me join? I don't have many other 'interests'.

I have probably lost a lot of friends over the years too and I'm probably not a 'friend' person. I'm introverted probably and like to be by myself a bit. I don't have many friends now. When I go out, I don't go out 'out' as in the pub / nightclub anymore but anywhere I do go, it's usually by myself. I do my best to get out as much too as I'm not going to improve at home.

Can anyone please tell what to do. I am a hard worker and I will work harder at anything if I know what it is I need to do. I have proven this to myself in the past again not in an arrogant way but hard work does pay off and if I just knew what to change or what to differently I do it and give it 100%. Does anyone have any advice?

Mr. Incognito

I think you are trying too hard to conform to an ideal sterotyoe instead of developing a personality.

People find people that dont conform to all the sterotyoes interesting.

Find something that interests you and explore it.

I recommend some counter culture literature.

Maybe fear and loathing in las vegas, and take up some hobbies outside of the gym

Other things could be learn an instrument, join an acting class, get outside your comfort zone.

Hopefully a mod will move this to personal issues

Hercules99

Thanks for the replies so far, my opening post was wrote in a hurry but I don't think this should be moved "Personal Issues". As I said that thread throws up a lot of sympathy responses. Here the responses might be harsher but at least more practical. Thanks for the replies.

crannglas

Not weird at all. Just probably uncomfortable for you because you believe you should have sex by now. Just go out there meet a girl have sex and don't over think it. Unless you are looking for love then meet a girl and pick her for first time. A lot of girls would sleep with you because you are virgin.

Lalealynn

There are sporty girls too. And girls who go to the gym try talking to them?

But no you are not weird don't get down on yourself.

Clandestine

OP is this something you really want to do, or is it only because of the social stigma?

If you want to get laid quick, just buy a hooker and have your way with her. You'll have the same result, just with the "weight" off your shoulders... but then something else will come up. "Now I'll just need a girlfriend" or "My car works but it looks too old I need a new/better car" etc.

"Freedom is secured not by the fulfilling of men's desires, but by the removal of desire."

Wilberto

If you're not into pubs/drinking as a hook up place then that's no big deal really. The thought of going out of one's way to get mindlessly drunk and fall into bed with some random monster doesn't exactly appeal to me either.

Personally, if I was you, I'd go away and join a sports & social club (given that you're into sports & generally keeping active). Why not take up running and join an Athletic's club? At the very least it'll put you into contact with women which should help you become more confident. It's a great place to create a new circle of friends.

As others have said, if you over think it too much it will weigh pretty heavily on your shoulders, and you'll end up becoming increasingly desperate to lift that weight off, and desperation isn't a very appealing attribute when trying to chat up a woman.

ErnieBert

I suggest you park the idea of getting laid for at least 12 months. Concentrate your energy on making friends. Explore avenues you wouldn't normally consider. Maybe go to matches or join an astronomy society or learn a new language in a night class. You sound sporty, so maybe tag rugby? If you are renting, move to someplace new.

Reinvent yourself. Wear new colours. Change your hairstyle. Change your glasses. Stop wearing the same leather jacket and buy a new style. Wear shoes that you'd never normally look at. Do you need your teeth cleaned? Maybe stop wearing that gawdy watch! Shave every day or grow a beard.

People will look at you differently if you change. But don't try to change your personality because you will be found out.

Shakespeare's Sister

No.

And I am being "honest with the lad". It's weird at 35 maybe but 25 is a bit unusual however that's far off weird.
Depends on perspective too though - to people aged 25 and under it's weird, but looking at the bigger picture it really isn't.
People who think it is, have a fairly low weirdness threshold I'd imagine.

BMJD

All the things that you think make you a better person (work, sport, not boozing) are actually boring as fcuk to the majority of women. You might think that you've plenty of time ahead of you to do all the great things in life but before you know it, you'll be 30. And then 35. Game over.

“Live everyday as if it were your last because someday you're going to be right.”


― Muhammad Ali

crannglas

moc moc a moc wrote: »

Yes it is. Let's at least be honest with the lad.



.

I am being honest with him. From my point of view. There is still a lot of people who actually choose to stay virgins till they marry. No issue with it

Wilberto

BMJD wrote: »

All the things that you think make you a better person (work, sport, not boozing) are actually boring as fcuk to the majority of women. You might think that you've plenty of time ahead of you to do all the great things in life but before you know it, you'll be 30. And then 35. Game over.

“Live everyday as if it were your last because someday you're going to be right.”


― Muhammad Ali

Are you actually serious? 35? Game over?

I hate using this abbreviation but, L.O.L. :rolleyes:

Tadomeku

Hey OP - Just came across this thread and felt the need to reply.

I myself was a virgin until I was 21. Not the same as 25 but hopefully I can still provide some insight. In my opinion, I was putting sex on a pedestal. Building it up inside my head to be this big life changing event, thinking of it like the experience was going to change my life for the better. Well it's simply not like that. Your first time is nothing but nerves and embarrassment.. Or at least it was in my case! I was lucky to have someone I genuinely cared about to hold my hand so to speak. This made the experience more personal for both of us. I have no regrets about waiting that long - waiting until I found someone I could trust like that was worth it

You need to worry less about your physique and more about you as a person. I think that was one of the biggest stumbling blocks I faced. How you look is nothing but a first impression. It's how you come across for the remainder of the time you're with that girl. On first impressions they might have absolutely no interest in you, or it could be the complete opposite. When the conversation starts flowing that opinion can change dramatically. If you have little to no personality, or you can't keep an interesting conversation going - then you're going to struggle to find a girl worth your time.

Unless of course you simply want a one night stand with some drunken mess from a club. In that case just get equally as drunk, be grand!

Dr Bob

Wilberto wrote: »

Are you actually serious? 35? Game over?

I hate using this abbreviation but, L.O.L. :rolleyes:

35 is game over? jaysus ..too many kids posting in in AH these days.

35 is barely out of those training levels where it tells you feckin obvious things like 'press forward to walk and x to jump'....

KERSPLAT!

MOD

Moved to PI. Read current charter here

Glock Lesnar

I always assume these post are trolls but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

I did all the things you do, went to the gym, strict diet etc. I still do and I've benefited greatly from it. But it makes **** all difference with women.

Confidence is the only answer, not bravado, just be sure of yourself and things will click. You're on the right track, but don't join the clubs and societies to meet girls do it because you want to, if you're happy it with yourself it'll show. That's when people (including girls) with flock to you, the same things that make lads want to be you're friend will make girls want to be your girlfriend or even just tug you off after a few cans.

On the other side of the coin, having casual sex is easy. It just takes practice, approach 100 girls and talk to them in a nightclub, try to dance with them and I guarantee by number 100 you've managed to pull. Just smile and ask questions don't do any PUA bull****. Sex is great but it should never be the be all and end all, I trust at this stage you're hung up on the subject so it might actually help for you to have some sort of one night stand.

Dressing nice, being in good shape all help but only because they project confidence, they mean nothing if you can't interact with people and the only way you'll get better at it is practice.

dgt

OP is it weird to you? Thus why let the stigma dictate this? To me, not weird. I know others the same age and it doesn't bother them

To me it sounds like you need to develop your character and confidence when meeting women

auldgranny

Op it is unusual but not weird. There are people older than you who are virgins. 25 is not that old. You say you are an engineer. Please do not be offended but are you uncomfortable socially?

LegacyUser

One of my best friends got married recently, he was 36 and a virgin as was his wife....it was important to both of them to wait until they meet the right person and got married. That's what they wanted. another friend had sex at 15 with her BF who is now her husband and I found more people gave her grief for only sleep with one person Her whole life then the guy who waited. At the weekend I had lunch with a cousin who freely admitted she couldn't walk down the street of our home town without meeting someone she had sex with.

Do I think any of the people above got it right or wrong? honestly I don't worry about it because it's their business. I had sex for the first time at 19 but then didn't sleep with anyone again until I was 27 does that make me strange? I dont know and don't care.

OP if you want to have sex just to say your not a virgin then go out to some clubs and you'll find someone willing to have a go - that might make you feel better or it might make you feel worse, none of us know. If you'd rather it be with someone you actually know and like and might want to see more then once then stop focusing on sex and work on meeting new people and enjoying yourself.

guest2014

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsnXQdkqChg

LegacyUser

OP, I work in engineering and I know a few men like you.

I bet in college, you were 100% focused on academics and sport. Now, you are focused on work and sport, right?

Here is the thing, if you met a girl you will have the following topics of conversation: work; sport; gym; fitness and diet. Not to be blunt, but I have no doubt that you are boring. Clothes, physique, earning power, etc are not going to make you interesting.

Occasionally, someone new starts work and they remark on how attractive one of the men is. The funny thing is, after one conversion, that impression is long gone. The constant work/ sports/ appearance talk just turns people off.

My advice would be to find other stuff to do with your life. Read the paper, books, go to the cinema, watch some tv programmes, listen to music. Essentially, develop a personality because you will need some form of ice breaker. Rethink the way you view stuff. Two lads from work go cycling together every weekend. One comes in on a Monday all talk about his stats, etc. The other comes in and tells us about where they went, what they saw and how nice it was to be outside. Who do you think we want to listen to?

Being a virgin at 25 isn't weird either.

Rubberchikken

No. It's not weird. At any age.

You say your into sport.
Could you join a runnin/fitness club. Good fun and a way to make friends.
Cos you need to do that first.

SkyBlueClouds

I was a virgin up until the age of 22. No big deal really. Sex is over-rated. Relax, chat to women normally - ask them about themselves and their hobbies - don't listen to any of the pick up line crap, just be yourself.

Find a club/soc you are into and go from there.

Hercules99

Hi All, This is the opening poster here. Thanks to all for their replies so far. In response to some of those responses, it's not so much the sex or the virgin label that gets to me (it is partly but not totally). It would be nice to experience a relationship or companionship at least once. I would love the comfort of knowing a girl actually likes me enough to be with me. Getting that would be the weight off my shoulders not so much the virgin title. Having said that, it would be great to have sex at least one and even greater to have regular sex. This is also not a trolling thread I am being as honest as I can.

Maybe I am boring. While I wouldn't be a regular cinema goer or even a TV person, I'd be very up-to-date with all the current affairs, etc, everything from the economy to the latest celebrity news, etc I'd have a gander at it in the news online every day. Most people go to the cinema or watch TV to look at people they'd like to be. Maybe I just like being the person everyone else goes to see. I'm not sure. I don't have any interest in watching stuff anyway.

I would not regard myself as socially awkward although evidently I'm not perfect either. I'm okay, not terrible but not great. I just have so little opportunities (I think) and even when they do arise I'm not sure do I take them (I often wonder if I'm suffering from a low form of depression that makes me nervous about things outside my comfort zone, e.g. holidays). I never wanted to go away with my people my age because I always felt I ended up being the one people wanted to make fun of. Not in a sinister way but over the years it probably lead to me wanting to be on my own a bit more often. And not being in a group or away from home for long. I don't know.

I don't have any regular contact with girls outside of work. A few work always smile at me and there's a few I thought might like me. That's encouraging. I suppose I don't know what to do next and I wouldn't know what to do even after that or even on a date.

Going back to possible discussion topics, I don't have any regular experiences to tell people about that. My life is probably full of routine. I never go away and I wouldn't by much of a person for drinking. I love having fun but I'm having less of it as I get older.

I believe if you work hard enough at something it'll work out but I'm not sure if that science applies here given the amount of variables involved. To be honest I don't know and I'm not sure if anybody else does either.

LegacyUser

Hercules99 wrote: »

Most people go to the cinema or watch TV to look at people they'd like to be. Maybe I just like being the person everyone else goes to see. I'm not sure. I don't have any interest in watching stuff anyway.

Just on this, people watch films, etc for entertainment purposes and as a form of escapism, not because they want to be that actor or character.

I don't know, I get the impression that you are extremely superficial and vain but that perhaps you actually can't relate to people in a normal way. You are so focused on physical appearance and your reference to science makes me think that you just expected it to happen for you without the emotional or personal effort.

In your position, I would work on the personality element. Make friends, have fun and see what they do (as in social interaction with women).

Rubberchikken

When girls at work smile at you, as you said, what do you do?
That your opportunity to chat.
Ask a question, people like that. Concentrate on the other person, not yourself.

You're doing all the right things to keep yourself healthy etc, and it's great to be focused on work, but if you want a relationship with someone you'll have to take some of the pressure off yourself and relax. And smile:)

SusieBlue

You need to broaden your social circle. Every relationship I've had has been someone I met through a friend, in a group setting, or someone introduced to me by an acquaintance. The more friends you have, the more access you have to girls.

I'll second what a PP said in that confidence is key. Don't be cocky but be self assured. You sound like a really nice guy, maximise your strengths and think of these things when you are talking to women.

Best of luck, and remember its no big deal and its not weird.

Couch Potatoette

I’m a female engineer and have been surrounded by socially awkward male engineers for years now. I’m in my late twenties and work in an office with lots of single guys around my age. Many of them are extremely socially awkward and rarely speak to me or make eye contact. Most of them, like the op, spend a lot of their free time working out or playing sports.

I know that they find it awkward but it irritates me when I barely get a hello and am now at the point where I’ve given up making an effort. I’d have no problem leading the conversation if I felt like the other person was interested in having it and threw in the odd contribution. Recently I’ve decided that it’s too much work and if they can’t be bothered to partake in basic social niceties, then I couldn’t be bothered either. I am in a happy, long term relationship so I would’ve thought this would take the pressure off but it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference.
I don’t know if this describes the op per say, but as I said, I have a lot of experience with characters that come across very similar to how the op has described himself.

The girls that smile at you in work want you to talk to them. Getting on with your colleagues and enjoying their company can make work a whole lot more bearable. If you can’t think of anything to say just ask them if they have anything planned for the weekend and then tell them about their plans. Ask them questions about themselves and respond in a way that shows you’re interested in what they have to say. A lot of the conversations in my work start with someone reading a funny article in the newspaper and telling others about it.

Try to attend all your work social events because this is the best opportunity you get to chat with your work colleagues in a relaxed environment. Even if you’re not looking for a relationship (dating a work colleague can get messy) at least it gives you experience chatting with girls when it’s completely acceptable and it will help you to be less awkward. At least you know they won’t just roll their eyes and walk away which would be a fairly standard response if you tried to talk to strangers in a nightclub.

Most of my friends (and none of the less sociable/more introverted types) didn’t meet their other halves through nightclubs or pubs but through mutual friends, college, work, hobbies. They got to know them before a relationship developed.

If fitness is really the only thing you’re interested in, you’d be better off joining some fitness classes such as kettle bells or circuit training than training on your own in the gym. I go to these sorts of fitness classes on a regular basis and the ratio of girls to guys is usually about 5 to 1.

Apart from that there are plenty of other ways to meet people. Start playing tag rugby, start doing evening classes in something you’ve always wanted to learn, join a book club. There are an endless list of possibilities.

Forget about the virgin thing and try focusing on developing friendly relationships with girls. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to find a girlfriend either. Girls are far more likely to fall for a guy once they get to know him and like his personality so the most important step is to develop the friendship. Just remember that half of the population is female so there are definitely girls out there that are compatible with you!

Best of luck and I hope it all works out

Miss_Caprice

I don't think it's weird being a virgin at 25. There are people with disabilities etc who remain virgins their entire lives but still maintain long term and meaningful relationships with people. I am skeptical of some of the advice given here, if you are not a "friend" person as you say in your opening post then don't try and change. Nobody is ever happy pretending to be someone they are not.

Hercules99

Hercules99 wrote: »

Is it weird to be a virgin at age 25

Given the sheer number of threads I have read on numerous forums with a similar title - and given the number of "me too" posters that show up on such threads..... the simple and obvious and correct answer to your question appears to just be "No".

Hercules99 wrote: »

I have never been with a girl. I've kissed a few briefly but only in nightclubs. I honestly don't know what I'm doing !

Ask yourself however - are you somehow under the impression that all the other people who at whatever arbitrary point in their life lost their virginity - somehow DID know what they were doing?

Hell no. They were just as much in the dark as you are. It is the same as becomming a parent. Many parents lament they do not know what they are doing. Point is - most if not all people becoming parents don't either.

Hercules99 wrote: »

I've worked so hard to improve myself over the last few years. I religiously go to the gym and go running and I have a strict diet.

All great things - but all limited to your physical appearance. Aside from physical appearance what steps have you taken to better yourself in other ways?

What do you love and what are you good at? Have you explored social sides of the things that make you you? There is barely a hobby or pursuit I can think of that does not have a social element or version to it. Even the ones people think do not - actually do.

You say you are sport mad for example. Do you mean playing, watching, or both? What sports? How involved are you in supporting causes and clubs in those sports?

Is there a football club you are involved in that does not have a female side for example? Get involved in couching a womens rugby team for example if rugby is your sport - if your local mens rugby team has no female one. Not just to meet women - that is a bit creepy - but your exposure to new people and new woman as you not just coach a team - but organise fund raisers - social events - liase with the national league - organise home and away games - and much much more - will simply throw you into the world of meeting all kinds of new people. And your passion and love for what you do is _exactly_ the kind of thing that is attractive to others.

But that is just one example to make my point - the point being that there is a social and public and personal growth version of EVERY personal passion with few exceptions. One need only explore them. Either alone - or on this thread with us if you throw out what makes you you and how you explore that you - perhaps we can suggest ways to augment and expand it.

I will give my own story as I usually do. I was lay about useless loaf in college but I started after college to better myself. Not just physically but in every way I could. And my passion was going to live music. I would literally get withdrawl if I went more than a week without attending some live gig or other. I loved it.

So I started going on to the forums and websites related to the bands and muscians I liked. I would take the initiative and organise "pre gig drinks" meet ups. I would pick a venue and organize some way for people to find the group. So I was not just being social but I was the FOCUS of the social circle each time too.

And through this I met some wonderful friends - and people - and more - including the girls who were to become my life partners.

As I always say to people - getting a partner should not be your goal on your path in life - but an event that happens along that path.

Hope some of that helps, but as I said above - interact with it and us more and lets see if we can develop this together over some time rather than a quick one post advice.

LegacyUser

BMJD wrote: »

All the things that you think make you a better person (work, sport, not boozing) are actually boring as fcuk to the majority of women. You might think that you've plenty of time ahead of you to do all the great things in life but before you know it, you'll be 30. And then 35. Game over.

OP I can totally relate to your scenario - engineer, gym bunny, introvert, few friends, no romance, etc. I am in a similar position with the exception that I'm almost 40 now.

Yes, if you do make it to 35 and still a virgin, then (assuming that you've had no relations with the opposite sex) then it is very late in the day to start dating with a view to marriage, family kids etc as I unfortunately know.

I know because that is where I am currently. I tried numerous times to improve myself - concentrating like you seem to do on your physical attributes. I go to the gym often too. It's good that you get out and are not sitting in the house, but you need to interact with people.

Like you I am slightly introverted and like solo time. However most people are like this. Before this envelopes your life even more you need to start getting out annd trying new things. This is incredibly difficult (this is the stage I am at, only I'm almost 15 years further down the line from you).

I would give a hell of a lot to be at your stage where there are increased chances of getting out and doing socialble things with your peers. At my age, many people are settling down and social opportunities dramatically tail off.

It's good that you do take yourself out. You are slightly ahead of me in this respect. You just need to start interacting more with people when you are out. When you go out where do you go, what types of events do you got to? Do you interact with anyone?

When I go out, it is solo to the movies. Only speak to person manning the ticket kiosk on way in and that is it. I'm not going to meet anyone doing that, am I? But I kid myself by saying that I go out. However, if I joined a movie group then I could talk to people about the film afterwards, etc. But I don't - no interest, no motivation/desire to do so. And that is how you get to my position.

You need to nip this in the bud. Trust me, it gets so much more difficult as you get older and burdens become harder to shake off.

Don't take my approach and wish for a solution, it doesn't happen. You need to get out into things other than gym and start interactign with people. Eventually with a certain amount of perservence you'll gain a few friends and from that things will develop. As previously mentioned you are more likely to meet a partner through friends (at their parties, friends-of-friends) than at the gym. But don't give up on the gym - it is a great release for things.