Caught short

recylingbin

Was on holiday a few years ago. Out foreign in one of those foreign countries. You know the type, sun, sea and suspect food. Walking back to the hotel one night and my guts made a noise that wouldn't have been out of place at an abbatoir.
I knew I was in trouble and only had seconds before an involuntary evacuation became a reality. I ran down a side street, crouched behind a car and allowed nature to take it's course.
Unfortunately I was on a hill and a river of brown watery sh*t started flowing down towards a group of people sat outside a restaurant. Now I was against the clock. I had to get everything out before it reached them so I could go off whistling like a man who had got away with it .
I just made it.

fuerte1976

my gawd...

stimpson

recylingbin wrote: »

Was on holiday a few years ago. Out foreign in one of those foreign countries. You know the type, sun, sea and suspect food. Walking back to the hotel one night and my guys made a noise that wouldn't have been out of place at an abbatoir.
I knew I was in trouble and only had seconds before an involuntary evacuation became a reality. I ran down a side street, crouched behind a car and allowed nature to take it's course.
Unfortunately I was on a hill and a river of brown watery sh*t started flowing down towards a group of people sat outside a restaurant. Now I was against the clock. I had to get everything out before it reached them so I could go off whistling like a man who had got away with it .
I just made it.

Thanks for sharing.

blue note

I can't stop laughing at the thought of people enjoying some outdoor dining, about to be met with a river of sh1t.

solomafioso

*whistles*

Slicemeister

Times like this I miss the wise words of the Flutt :-(

A Greedy Algorithm

I often try and make my toast pop up at the same time my eggs are scrambled. I have never succeeded.

wuzziwig

You dirty fecker. I was one of those people sitting at the table. Ruined my whole holiday. :mad:

Rosie Rant

Nice...

ballsymchugh

needs more info. you're no flutt.

Rosie Rant

A Greedy Algorithm wrote: »

I often try and make my toast pop up at the same time my eggs are scrambled. I have never succeeded.

Get a toaster with a reheat function

pebbles21

Had a dose of Deli Belly on holidays one summer back in the day
How I held it in I'll never know, but when I eventually found a toilet, the noise resembled cutting a sack of Mackrel from a height on to a tiled floor !

wuzziwig

Rosie Rant wrote: »

Get a toaster with a reheat function

What is this thing you speak of???

DazMarz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4LFM7b5Ckc

fleet_admiral

Your no Flutt

on topic: I was caught short years ago in a pub after swallowing pint after pint of Smithwicks on an empty stomach

The Royal Scam

I only got caught out this morning. Taking my tools out of my car about to go in and start service work for a customer and let one rip, I'd say my face was priceless when I realised it was not a safe fart.
Had to continue my work with a damp gusset as I was under time pressure.

Davarus Walrus

Few things worse than feeling an unstable round in the chamber that you instinctively know you won't be able to hold on the clutch. A more primitive instinct took hold of you. It's easy look back on these things and question some of your decisions regarding the lie of the land. And at least you pointed the badge downhill. Don't beat yourself up about it.

fleet_admiral

The Royal Scam wrote: »

I only got caught out this morning. Taking my tools out of my car about to go in and start service work for a customer and let one rip, I'd say my face was priceless when I realised it was not a safe fart.
Had to continue my work with a damp gusset as I was under time pressure.

Nothing worse than gambling and losing

jamesbere

A Greedy Algorithm wrote: »

I often try and make my toast pop up at the same time my eggs are scrambled. I have never succeeded.

I was like you once, trying to get my toaster at the right setting and in in the other hand adjusting the heat on the hob so I could reach the hallowed land of timing perfection. My efforts seemed fruitless, there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

But one day I reached timing nirvana, my god it was the best scrambled egg on toast I've ever had.

Keep at it my friend. The rewards will be most rewarding

fartman

I got caught one day in town when it ran down my leg and into my shoe ..not nice at all

nullzero

fartman wrote: »

I got caught one day in town when it ran down my leg and into my shoe ..not nice at all

Nice one shartman

fleet_admiral

pebbles21 wrote: »

Had a dose of Deli Belly on holidays one summer back in the day
How I held it in I'll never know, but when I eventually found a toilet, the noise resembled cutting a sack of Mackrel from a height on to a tiled floor !

Like a load of old boots falling out of the loft

Has anyone ever snarted?

mad m

Driving up Rathmines one night, got the rumble in the tumble. Litterially mounted the kerb as if I was in a monster truck. Ran into bushes that used to be there at old swimming pool, drop kacks and by jaysus I was in bits. This is no joke, I breathed a big sigh and looked around and there was this down&out looking back at me in his sleeping bag. Didn't know what to say but just got up and did a John Wayne over to McDonalds loo across road to wipe the arse.

helimachoptor

fleet_admiral wrote: »

Your no Flutt

on topic: I was caught short years ago in a pub after swallowing pint after pint of Smithwicks on an empty stomach

I know that feeling..

Toots

Didn't actually poop my pants, but one day years ago I was walking to work, had just left my parents' estate and suddenly I felt that ominous rumbling. I knew I'd never make it to work, but it was with absolute horror that I realised I wouldn't be able to walk back up the road to my house either. I was afraid if I moved that I'd crap myself. I ended up ringing my dad and he couldn't understand why I needed a lift back up to the house (we're talking less than a kilometer) and I ended up having to literally say "Dad, if you don't come and collect me right this second I am going to sh1t my pants, I'm 100% serious, please please please come quick!" So he duly arrived a minute or two later, cracking his hole laughing, and made a big show of putting a bin bag over the passenger seat in the car. Ran like feck in to the downstairs loo, it was a photo finish that's for sure.

johnayo

A colleague at work one morning cracked one off. He looked in my direction with a puzzled look and asked me............. Are there lumps in farts?:D

fizzypish

Had a vomiting bug years ago. Up all night dry heaving. Felt like I was after doing 1K situps. Next day I was sitting on the couch watching Laurence of Arabia and finally felt ok. Felt a little fart coming, cocked the leg and let it come. To my dismay I shat myself. The remaining occupants of my intestines were 100% liquid. Washed myself and changed my clothes. 10 minutes later felt another fart. Thought to myself "I know the score now, I'll gently release it". **** myself again.....