BF had a one night stand with Syphilis girl

LegacyUser

Ladies & gents I really would appricate your opinions on this please..

I've been in a long distance relationship with over 2 years I live in Ireland he lives in the UK (I am 31 he's 35) we would see each other 4/5 days each month & would be in daily contact by phone, weekends we saw each other were brillant always full of fun laughter & great crack really got on well together. We had agreed that i would move over in a couple of weeks as he had bought a house, we had also spoken about having kids together in the future. He had been married before has 2 wonderful kids & was seperated with 2 years when i met him, his wife cheated on him at least once that he knows of he forgave her & they tried to make it work until she finally finished the relationship stating she just didnt love him anymore. Recently he had been ill for a few months went to his doc couldnt find anything wrong. He phoned me 3 days ago said that he had a one night stand with a girl and had unprotected sex & the GU clinic had confirmed he had contracted Syphilis and that I obv would also be infected. He admitted he would not have told me had he not been caught out! Need ye'r advice is it once a cheater always a cheater or do people deserve a second chance as ye can imagine I have 101 thoughts going through my head.. Thanks

doubter

Mssmith wrote: »

Ladies & gents I really would appricate your opinions on this please..

I've been in a long distance relationship with over 2 years I live in Ireland he lives in the UK (I am 31 he's 35) we would see each other 4/5 days each month & would be in daily contact by phone, weekends we saw each other were brillant always full of fun laughter & great crack really got on well together. We had agreed that i would move over in a couple of weeks as he had bought a house, we had also spoken about having kids together in the future. He had been married before has 2 wonderful kids & was seperated with 2 years when i met him, his wife cheated on him at least once that he knows of he forgave her & they tried to make it work until she finally finished the relationship stating she just didnt love him anymore. Recently he had been ill for a few months went to his doc couldnt find anything wrong. He phoned me 3 days ago said that he had a one night stand with a girl and had unprotected sex & the GU clinic had confirmed he had contracted Syphilis and that I obv would also be infected. He admitted he would not have told me had he not been caught out! Need ye'r advice is it once a cheater always a cheater or do people deserve a second chance as ye can imagine I have 101 thoughts going through my head.. Thanks

Run.

IvoryTower

100% get rid, cheating its own should be enough to dump him, never mind giving you syphilis! Dump him and go and get checked out.

Good luck!

Neyite

You poor thing!

Your first priority is to get checked out, and if necessary, get treated. Some might walk away, others might want to try to trust again. I know people who have given second chances and all has been fine, and others who tried but the trust had been irretrievably broken. Personally I dont see how a relationship can fully get back on track after something like this, but some do successfully. Only you can really know and decide.

But you dont need to make any decisions now. Nor do you forfeit the right to change your decision down the line if you decided it was the wrong one.

Rubberchikken

First get yourself checked out.
Then decide if a person who would knowingly chance passing on a disease to you is worth keeping in your life.

ladygirl

I agree with the first poster - RUN!!!!

He has openly admitted the only reason he has admitted to this is because he has been caught due to you contracting an STD..

How many more has there been that he has gotten away with..

Buona Fortuna

Hi OP

First of all get youself checked out.

You said he told you three days ago, have you spoken since?

I can't advise you to stay or go. I'm just a guy on the internet and all I know is 9 lines about you and your OH.

I know its neat and tidy, but I don't automatically jump into the "Leave him" camp. I think Ney put it very well.

Good luck OP

woodchuck

Mssmith wrote: »

Ladies & gents I really would appricate your opinions on this please..

I've been in a long distance relationship with over 2 years I live in Ireland he lives in the UK (I am 31 he's 35) we would see each other 4/5 days each month & would be in daily contact by phone, weekends we saw each other were brillant always full of fun laughter & great crack really got on well together. We had agreed that i would move over in a couple of weeks as he had bought a house, we had also spoken about having kids together in the future. He had been married before has 2 wonderful kids & was seperated with 2 years when i met him, his wife cheated on him at least once that he knows of he forgave her & they tried to make it work until she finally finished the relationship stating she just didnt love him anymore. Recently he had been ill for a few months went to his doc couldnt find anything wrong. He phoned me 3 days ago said that he had a one night stand with a girl and had unprotected sex & the GU clinic had confirmed he had contracted Syphilis and that I obv would also be infected. He admitted he would not have told me had he not been caught out! Need ye'r advice is it once a cheater always a cheater or do people deserve a second chance as ye can imagine I have 101 thoughts going through my head.. Thanks

The only reason he told you is because he contracted an STD and passed it onto you. My concern would be how many other people he's cheated on you with that he hasn't fessed up to only because he didn't contract an STD from them.

Two years isn't a very long time to be together, if he's already looking elsewhere during that time then I don't think there is much hope for the relationship to be honest.

We can only go by what you've posted though. And from what you've posted... I agree that you should RUN!

womandriver

Mssmith wrote: »

Ladies & gents I really would appricate your opinions on this please..

I've been in a long distance relationship with over 2 years I live in Ireland he lives in the UK (I am 31 he's 35) we would see each other 4/5 days each month & would be in daily contact by phone, weekends we saw each other were brillant always full of fun laughter & great crack really got on well together. We had agreed that i would move over in a couple of weeks as he had bought a house, we had also spoken about having kids together in the future. He had been married before has 2 wonderful kids & was seperated with 2 years when i met him, his wife cheated on him at least once that he knows of he forgave her & they tried to make it work until she finally finished the relationship stating she just didnt love him anymore. Recently he had been ill for a few months went to his doc couldnt find anything wrong. He phoned me 3 days ago said that he had a one night stand with a girl and had unprotected sex & the GU clinic had confirmed he had contracted Syphilis and that I obv would also be infected. He admitted he would not have told me had he not been caught out! Need ye'r advice is it once a cheater always a cheater or do people deserve a second chance as ye can imagine I have 101 thoughts going through my head.. Thanks

It could have been HIV he'd given you. Get out while you can. Cheating and not even bothered enough about you to be careful while doing it.

Lalealynn

Get treated and prioritize that first. Listen he had unprotected sex and then exposed you to that risk without telling you. Trust is shot. So sorry OP I really hope your health will be ok. Honestly he is the LEAST and LOWEST priority in the list of things you need to deal with. Don't focus on him focus on getting treatment and looking after you.

I hope all is well for your health.

xx Hugs.

Big Bag of Chips

It's generally agreed, that a liar will only own up to what they can't deny. So he is saying he had a one night stand, because he cannot deny he had sex with someone else. He admitted he would nit have told you if he didn't risk getting caught...

So he's admitted the bare minimum.

My problem would be that now I wouldn't be able to believe much of what he told me. Is he only admitting to once because that's what he has been caught out on? Was there more times but he doesn't have to admit to those because you have no way of finding out anyway?

I think this is something you need to take your time with. Even if you think you are ok with it, and get over it, you may feel differently in a month. You might have questions that he can't/won't answer and you might find yourself always worrying and wondering what he's up to when you're not around.

Only you can make the decision that's right for you. But as Neyite mentioned, just because you make a decision doesn't mean you can't change your mind if you feel it's the wrong decision.

dellas1979

I echo all the posts for priority number 1:
Get yourself checked, immediately.

Secondly, its your choice if to forgive him or not. But I for one, knowing he could lie so easily about something so serious, would turn into a bag of nerves and wouldnt be able to trust him again. So, as hard as it is breaking up with someone, I wouldnt do it to myself.

amdublin

Ok first things first look after yourself and get yourself.

Not a chance would I be giving this man a second chance.

Good luck.

Emme

Get yourself a full STI screen including syphilis. And don't have anything more to do with this riddled loser.