Has He Cheated?

xLisaBx

I've been with a fella for around 2 months now and I really like him. He says he likes me too we haven't gotten very physical yet as we're both only 18. Last night I called over to his place where he told me that he had slept with another girl the night before. No sex or kissing etc, just shared the bed because she had no way of getting home. However it was planned and I cant understand why one of them couldn't have used the couch.
So your opinions please Ladies! Has he cheated?

xLisaBx

xLisaBx wrote: »

I've been with a fella for around 2 months now and I really like him. He says he likes me too we haven't gotten very physical yet as we're both only 18. Last night I called over to his place where he told me that he had slept with another girl the night before. No sex or kissing etc, just shared the bed because she had no way of getting home. However it was planned and I cant understand why one of them couldn't have used the couch.
So your opinions please Ladies! Has he cheated?

Probably not, but he sounds like a headwrecker who's probably trying to push a jealousy button.

You're probably better off in Relationship Issues.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174

Sauve

Hi OP,

I'm going to move your thread to the Relationship Issues forum, I think you'll get better answers there.

Best of luck,
Sauve.

CaraMay

We can't know that but don't start off at 18 with fellas like this. There is a good chance he did. Why did he tel you?

xLisaBx

He told me so I wouldn't hear it from anyone else. Like I genuinely believe all they did was sleep, but is that in itself cheating? I'm a bit confused about the whole thing

amdublin

No one can say whether he cheated with her or not.

deal with the facts you know. He slept in the bed with a girl.

Whether I was seeing someone 2 days 2 months 2 years I would not be comfortable with my boyfriend.sleeping with another girl in his bed.

Move on.

You deserve better.

Move on.

CaraMay

xLisaBx wrote: »

He told me so I wouldn't hear it from anyone else. Like I genuinely believe all they did was sleep, but is that in itself cheating? I'm a bit confused about the whole thing

Let's just say it's not good practice... Set your standards high op and don't accèpt thîs crap from anyone. You are only 18, there are many other guys out there who won't dream of putting you in this position of uncertainty. Value yourself.

Barely There

Yes.

xLisaBx

Thanks guys. It's just so difficult to know what to do, I really like him and breaking up will upset me a lot, even though it's only been 2 months.
Of all times he could do anything, he decided on this week. A week with 2 exams

CaraMay

Will be worse in 12 months time

xLisaBx

That's very true yeah

strobe

I dunno, I constantly slept in the same bed as my female (and male) friends when I was your age, and all of them in each others. Sleeping on a couch can be extraordinarily uncomfortable, why would we do that when there is a bed going, was the frame of thought... was never anything sexual or romantic about it.

xLisaBx

That's still the frame of thought, all my single friends do it but I'm unsure if it's really acceptable with a girlfriend

strobe

xLisaBx wrote: »

That's still the frame of thought, all my single friends do it but I'm unsure if it's really acceptable with a girlfriend

Well it comes down to personal feelings on things. I'd have no problem whatsoever if my girlfriend slept in her male friends bed, I wouldn't want them to be uncomfortable. Having said that, I think she would have a problem with me sleeping in bed with another girl, so I wouldn't do it now. Either way though I certainly wouldn't consider just sleeping in the same bed as someone else cheating, no.

But if it makes you uncomfortable it's ok to calmly explain that and to ask him if he'd mind not doing it in future.

Penny Tration

If it was a situation where it happened late at night because there was no way to get her home, iI'd be fuming but I'd discuss it with him and make it clear that I don't like it.

But you said it was planned. So he could have discussed it with you, and chose not to. I'd imagine he KNEW you wouldn't be happy so deliberately didn't ask.

I know lots of people who share beds with the opposite sex, but they're all single. I've never known people to do it when in a relationship.

I'd be furious if my boyfriend did it, and I know he'd dump me if I did it.

Mr. Incognito

I think he is probably being honest.

An 18 year old lad that cheats wouldnt have told you she crashed

Stavro Mueller

I don't think anyone can answer that one for sure. I can very much understand why you'd not be happy that this happened. On the other hand, 18 year old lads can be a bit clueless at times and he might not have thought this through. Do you know if he has shared a bed with this girl before?

cactusgal

CaraMay wrote: »

Let's just say it's not good practice... Set your standards high op and don't accèpt thîs crap from anyone. You are only 18, there are many other guys out there who won't dream of putting you in this position of uncertainty. Value yourself.

This is the best advice you can get, in a nutshell. I wish someone had pulled me aside when I was 18 and told me this!

CaraMay

cactusgal wrote: »

This is the best advice you can get, in a nutshell. I wish someone had pulled me aside when I was 18 and told me this!

Me too!!! It took many frogs to teach me those lessons

ladygirl

Totally agree with Caramay

At 18 you are setting the standards in your life - aim as high as you can..

I wish I had the confidence as an 18 year old that I now have as a 30 year old.
And at 30 years old - I would not tolerate my partner sleeping with another girl.

Remember - people can only treat you how YOU let them treat you!!

Keep your head, heals and standards high

Emme

CaraMay wrote: »

Let's just say it's not good practice... Set your standards high op and don't accèpt thîs crap from anyone. You are only 18, there are many other guys out there who won't dream of putting you in this position of uncertainty. Value yourself.

I agree with this. You are 18 and you don't have to take bad treatment from any guy. Walk away and you are pretty much guaranteed to meet someone else fairly soon if that's what you want. Nobody should take bad treatment at any age but the sooner you lay down the rules the better. Expect to be treated well at 18 and you will be. If you start out with high standards and abide by them now you are less likely to cave in when you are older and settle for bad behaviour and low standards.

freshpopcorn

I know when I his age lots of people did this because it was more comfortable than the couch/floor.
On a side note, does he want to have sex? I know you have to be ready/comfortable doing it but if he want to be sexually active and ye're going out a couple of months the relationship will suffer.

shalalala

He might not have cheated but it is completely inappropriate behaviour for a man in a relationship. OP you will always doubt him and you two obviously have different standards in the relationship so back away now.

Good luck!

eviltwin

As others have said deal with the facts. You know they shared a bed...are you okay with that? I don't know many people who would. You're 18, the world is at your feet, you have a whole lifetime of dating - don't settle for someone who has you doubting his sincerity already. At your age dating should be fun. This does not sound like fun.

skallywag

cactusgal wrote: »

I wish someone had pulled me aside when I was 18 and told me this!

... and you would have listened to it of course :rolleyes:

gaynorvader

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

I don't think anyone can answer that one for sure. I can very much understand why you'd not be happy that this happened. On the other hand, 18 year old lads can be a bit clueless at times and he might not have thought this through. Do you know if he has shared a bed with this girl before?

I was going to say pretty much this. There's a lot of condemnation going on for him sleeping in the same bed, but he might genuinely see nothing wrong with it and just wanted to tell you out of respect and to keep the rumour mill from doing its thing. Tell him you're not happy with him sleeping in the same bed, if he does it again knowing you'd have a problem with it, then he's not worth keeping, but it could just be a case of a clueless 18 year old (most of us were like that when we were 18, some never grow up ).

keane2097

This could easily be nothing, it depends on what sort of character the guy is.

@OP - there's no point asking strangers whether this fits into some notional definition of "cheating". There's no definition that can say sleeping in place X beside character Y is cheating.

If they were in bed together and he had no intention of doing anything untoward then at worst it's slightly poor form to not consider it might bother you.

Xterminator

hi OP

i dont think you need to find out if strangers on the internet who have emotional baggage think this is ok. I think the question is do you think its okay?

i think the fact he was open and honest about it could be a positive sign for the relationship. But are you hurt and angry? surprised? bemused?

I'd suggest you consult your own emotions on this one.

X

I'm 18 with a boyfriend and I honestly don't see a problem with this? Presuming your boyfriend is friends with this girl, staying over at someones house is normal and why sleep on the couch or floor if there's a bed going? It doesn't seem to me as if he did this out of nastiness or to try push your buttons.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm 18 with a boyfriend and I honestly don't see a problem with this? Presuming your boyfriend is friends with this girl, staying over at someones house is normal and why sleep on the couch or floor if there's a bed going? It doesn't seem to me as if he did this out of nastiness or to try push your buttons.

+ 1 I am not 18, long past it actually but I certainly had a few nights like that with mates (male, female, gay, straight, big, tall, etc etc) from college crashing at each others as no one lived near each other and why spend money on a taxi when it's as easy to crash and agree with above why crash on a couch or floor when there's a bed going (though didn't always go with that option, some peoples idea of 'clean' is not the same as mine). Two of my best friends started dating (married several years now) and I crashed at both their places during college and both of them at mine. Myself and the lad (female here BTW) loved the same band, his OH hated them and two of us went to the UK to see them, mix up with hotel found us in tiny room and only one bed, didn't even think anything of it as it was wee hours of the morning and we just crashed. His OH didn't have any issue as she knew nothing went on.

OP if you had posted saying he was pushing for sex and mentioned this girl crashing over as some way to force the issue with you or something similar to that I'd say red flag but honestly sounds like he didn't think at the time as it was something that's happened before but then in hindsight thought maybe it wasn't right now given he's started dating someone and did the right thing and told you just to be sure there wasn't any misunderstanding. End the relationship if you want but feel your jumping the gun a bit.