My dad feels that he's at a dead end

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

My dad 54 years old and going through something like a mid life crisis and I'm desperate to help him because I'm concerned about his mental and physical health if things keep going as they are. He's a senior manager in a company he's been with since he was around 25. A very hard worker, commutes 90 mins each way to work, with 10 hour days in between - gets up at 04:15 six days a week.

He separated from my mum 9 years ago but they have maintained a great relationship considering that. Both have been under tremendous pressure the last 5 years from the bank but have gotten both their kids through college with decent degrees. My mum is fairly ok and set up but my dad is under serious pressure at work on top of the miserable hours and having to relocate soon due to the bank taking his house over the coming weeks - he'll have to get up at 03:30 for work once he makes this move.

I'm really trying to keep him positive but he feels he's too old and 'locked in' to be able to do any other job. However, I'm sure there's something else he could be doing and loving it with the same amount of hours (60+ a week) he's currently giving.

I'd love any and all suggestions or advice. Thanks

Rubberchikken

Tbh given his age and the way things are at the moment, he might find it impossible to change careers at present.
Instead, could he rethink where he'll live to help cut down the commute.

If that was shorter, he'd have time to take up a hobby /interest, plus he'd be less physically tired from the early rising.

You are great to be concerned for him.
Good luck

HalloweenJack

Any chance he could work from home one or two days a week? Or a possibility of early retirement/redundancy?

iusedtoknow

Is there anything to be said for him renting an apartment closer to work? Sometimes people get caught up in needing a house, rather than anything else. It could work out cheaper for him and could cut down his commute. By the sounds of it, all the kids are out of home now so it could be an ideal time for him to move closer to work rather than further away.

Emme

OP, your dad sounds like he's under incredible pressure and he's lucky to have you for support. By the sounds of things he has been under pressure for a long time and this could be one reason he's separated from your mum.

Could he talk to the Citizens Advice Board or MABS? If the bank is taking over his house despite him working 60 hours a week and commuting 3 hours a day (that's 78 hours a week in total) something is wrong. Especially when you consider the high cost of commuting. I don't normally advocate this, but perhaps your Dad would be better off on social welfare for a while without the pressures of a job that doesn't pay the bills including a long expensive commute. If he has to do a longer commute his costs will go up and his health may not last the added pressure very long.

Could he get early retirement or take a year out from his job? I don't know if he'd be entitled to SW if he took a year out so it might be best for him to talk to MABS or the Citizens Advice Board. Nobody is ever too old to consider new options and if he gets the right advice it might be a new lease of life for him.