Nobody said it was easy..

Cerveja69

Hey Everybody,

I've been following this forum for a few years at this stage and even posted here at one time looking for help.

Suffice to say, I've fallen off the wagon once again. Well, to be honest I was never fully on the wagon, I wanted to be but never quite got there. I've been losing my battle against alcohol for way too long now and recently decided enough is enough.

I've started seeing an addiction counsellor whose emphasis is on CBT and changing thought patterns to alter behaviour. I'm so determined to stay sober and haven't touched a drop all week (I know, pathetic but to me it's a big deal), this evening however I failed and bought a few beers

The reason I failed, aside from the obvious, is that I had a fight with my boyfriend this morning and he went off to Octoberfest. Hearing him wasted on the phone made me feel so awful and helpless so I went and bought some beers.

We live together. He drinks heavily but doesn't think he has a problem because he's happy (his words). I can objectively see that he has a problem and is in denial but he doesn't see this. I've asked him to be supportive in relation to my abstinence but he's not being very helpful. Earlier on I tried to show him my 'homework' from CBT and he sighed and said yeah yeah i'm sure it's great but didn't look at it. He says he's gonna continue to drink as he likes because it doesn't bother him. Reality is he rings in sick alot, is moody and can be aggressive and it's massively impacting on our relationship.

Here is the problem. I firmly believe if I was alone, I'd recover. Both my parents died from alcohol abuse, my dad only a few months ago and I've dealt with their addicion my whole life. I'm exhausted and heart broken. I need help and I need support but living with what I believe to be another addict, is going to pull me down.

I love this man but I'm terrified that I have to end it in order to save my own life. He doesn't take me seriously and always tells me i'm not that bad and shouldn't be so hard on myself. In my opinion, he doesn't like me giving up booze and talking about how problematic i is because it highlights his addiction which he isn't ready to deal with.

I'm sorry for my rambling. I just feel very alone. I'm trying so hard to improve myself, admit my flaws, face my demons and all that goes with it but I've nobody to turn to. My sisters live abroad and my partner is impossible to talk to which makes me feel so sad.

Any advice welcome and thanks if you've read this far x

Sunnyisland

cervaja69 ( portuguese for beer ) so sorry you going through all this crappy life and it's all down to alcohol,Unfortunally there are no easy ways out of this,if you want yo better your life you need to make changes and in your case drastic changes,you need to be by yourself with outside support,you need to be away from other influences until your ready to confront them and most importantly you need to put yourself first,your the priority, forget everyone else.

Getting some help and support greatly improves your chances of beating the problem. Family, friends, counselling, AA, group therapy, or attending a relapse management group will help you to stick to your goals.

Giving up drinking is the easy bit, compared with staying sober. You may need some help and support if drinking has become a long-term habit. But it can be done

In away you already answered all your own questions as you know what you have to do, and only you can do it.

Good luck cerveja and it be my opinion that if you do make the big change that your life needs,you will certainly be much happier and contented person.

Cerveja69

Realies, I sit in work everyday and read this forum and in particular your advice. I know how much you've fought and how far you've come. The support you provide to strangers on the internet shows such a huge amount of decency and compassion and I both respect and admire you.

You mention support from family and friends. This is where I'm falling down massively. My parents are both dead (from alcohol). I found my mams' body and my dad recently was found down a laneway. Christ what a tragic story I am

My sisters live abroad. My friends all drink and wouldn't quite understand. They all know (some have commented in a jokey way) that I drink too much but they all do to. They don't see it as a problem, much like my partner, but I do. I know exactly where my story will end if I don't change the script now. I feel so alone though.

My counsellor is sound. He's a former addict so I trust his views and know that he really gets it. I'm an expert when it comes to addiction as I grew up with addict parents and I educate myself on addiction all the time. I read up on it, love hearing stories about it and truly admire anyone who's kicked it. I feel lost right now though. MY partner isn't helping me. I think he'd laugh at the term addict even. He's ignorant.

I told my counsellor my fears last week about my partner and he told me the harsh reality is that I might have to leave him, for a while anyway. I know this and I'm willing to do it. We're supposed to be getting married next year but I don't think I can marry someone who doesn't even really know me. This is the real me - an addict crying out for help and getting none (well very little)

If he ever said to me I need help, I'm an addict. I'd do everything in my power (I know you're ultimately powerless trying to help an addict and they have to save themselves) but I'd encourage, love and support him. All he's doing is dragging me down.

His friend rang me last night at about 11pm and said he was about to kick my partner out of his house cos he'd pissed himself.

This is what I'm up against. My hot chocolate suddenly didn't seem so appealing.

xzanti

Cerveja69 wrote: »

I found my mams' body and my dad recently was found down a laneway. Christ what a tragic story I am

So sorry for your loss.. what a traumatic thing for you, on both counts I really hope you find happiness in your life. Best of luck.