Guest List Dilemma...

Broken Strings

Hi Guys,

I have a bit of a dilemma when it comes to the guest list.

I was wondering would it be unreasonable to invite a group of former work colleagues to come together without giving them a plus one each.

I worked in a fashion related dicipline amongst a group of all females. Since I have switched jobs, I have stayed relativley close with all of them and seeing as staff turnover was never really high in our place of work they were all also long term employees who are close as a group. Despite the fact that we have very regular contact, we've never all went out and brought our other halves along so I dont know any of them bar one who I knew outside work anyway. Theres 8-10 That I want to invite and I was wondering do you think any of them will take offence if I invite them as a group who'll have their own table?

If it was a mixture of Male and Female then maybe I'd do it differently but we are trying to keep the list to as many people that we know as possible and if they all got a plus one then thats a whole extra table of guests.

We actually have more than one instance of this situation too because hubby-to-be is facing a similar task with his group of college friends. Some have long term partners which he has no problem asking along, but to those who are single we worry that they might feel pressured the instant we offer them a plus one and that because we go out as a group (singletons included) that they would be happy to attend the wedding in the same way.

In terms of the ladies, I also worry it might potentially cause issues with their other halves because they might'nt understand why their wife/girlfriend is being invited to a wedding alone without them (even though realistically they'll be sitting as a group)

Also we are pretty flexible with the afters so I was thinking that I could extend the invite for their partners to join them around the 9.30 mark or would that be considered insulting?

See I'm very easygoing in the sense that it really wouldnt bother me if my hubby to be had to attend a wedding without me and vice versa but I know that some people might be geuinley put out by it and I really dont know what the ettiquette is.

We'll also have to reign in on cost overall because it would be unrealistic to give everyone at our wedding a plus one.

Any advice welcome!

Sala

Usually you would invite them with a guest, especially if they are married or have long term partners. That said, if they are the type of girls who'd be happy to go as a group there would be no problem. If one of them was getting g married and didn't invite your OH would you be happy to go along with the group?

Broken Strings

Sala wrote: »

If one of them was getting g married and didn't invite your OH would you be happy to go along with the group?

Yeah I wouldn't mind as I know them all pretty well

Wexy86

I've been to 2 work weddings this year and my partner was invited to neither. To be honest he was relived as he doesn't know all my work colleagues so it would have been a day of small talk for him.

When we get married next year we are going to follow suit and not invite the partners of work colleagues. No one from work seemed put out by their partner not being invited and had a great night for both weddings. Each to their own I suppose!

lazygal

Just to give an opposing view, this approach didn't go down well with people I know. The couple invited only the "halves" they each knew and not partners for certain guests and when the reception was over a good few were a bit annoyed about it as they would've liked their partners there. We invited all couples with their partners as we figured if we were hosting any other events we'd never exclude partners so why do it at our wedding.

kandr10

I think with former work colleagues it's fine to invite them without partners. With the likes of college/school friends or just older friends in general, I'd invite partners even if I didn't know them (and in fact did this at our wedding).

Is there a girl in the group you're closer to that you might be able to run it by first just to gauge reaction? If you think they'd be offended you could ask them and partners for just the afters?

fits

In your position, I wouldn't invite partners. They can all sit together and have fun.

Broken Strings

kandr10 wrote: »

Is there a girl in the group you're closer to that you might be able to run it by first just to gauge reaction? If you think they'd be offended you could ask them and partners for just the afters?

Well there is another girl in the group whos recently engaged so maybe I could ask her opinion. Problem there is if we have totally opposite views I wouldn't want it to be awkward!

Thanks for the responses guys

kandr10

Broken Strings wrote: »

Well there is another girl in the group whos recently engaged so maybe I could ask her opinion. Problem there is if we have totally opposite views I wouldn't want it to be awkward!

Thanks for the responses guys

Well if she's inviting partners and you don't want to then just invite the whole lot to the afters. Chances are she'll be happy not to have to pay for another table too and if two of you go the same route it defo won't seem strange.

pooch90

I would invite the work ones without guests but would give the college friends a plus one, we didn't give my workmates a plus one because they know each other well and it would have been more awkward with half bringing partners and others not. The college friends would be a closer knit group and would know the partners.

Sala

kandr10 wrote: »

Well if she's inviting partners and you don't want to then just invite the whole lot to the afters. Chances are she'll be happy not to have to pay for another table too and if two of you go the same route it defo won't seem strange.

I agree. I always said of my OH was invited to a wedding of a friend I wouldn't take offence at not being included but an afters invite would be nice too, and it would probably signal to them that space/numbers/budget is limited but your happy for the partners to celebrate later. You know the group and what they're like though, you're best places to make the call. The only reason I would suggest plus 1s as necessary is if you have someone that was your friend but not particularly friendly with anyone else at the wedding.

Gatica

It really depends on the friends in question I think. I've been to two work dos but we were only invited to the afters. The first one invited his work colleagues without specifying partners, and only one out of a dozen came with a partner. The groom asked why we didn't bring partners, as it turns out they were welcome. The second wedding explicitly said with partners, but I asked around and no one was bringing their OH, so neither did I. Just as well, as he'd have not known anyone there and it was kinda low key.
At our wedding only my hubby invited 2 colleagues with partners, so we didn't have issues with numbers anyway. I would personally rather invite people with their OH (long time boyfriend, partner or spouse) if it's to the full day.
However, if you're having so many and they all know each other well, it may well be ok; but yes, you'd need to gauge their reaction...

Broken Strings

Spoke to the girls and they are excited to come as a group

I think they kinda see it as a girly event out at this stage and they aren't really bothered about OH's coming. I did tell them to tell their partners to pop along to the afters though

They all seemed genuinley excited

Gatica

Fantastic! Sounds like a great resolution to this...

fits

Broken Strings wrote: »

Spoke to the girls and they are excited to come as a group

I think they kinda see it as a girly event out at this stage and they aren't really bothered about OH's coming. I did tell them to tell their partners to pop along to the afters though

That's what I thought the reaction would be

michellie

I have the same dilemma. I'm the only girl who works with 8 men not sure whether to invite their other halves, I think they would like to go just " the boys" but I don't want to insult or upset other halves!