are younger relationships destined to fail?

I'm 21 and the boyfriend is nearly 23. I've always been told that your best off waiting until youre older to be with someone and to enjoy your life while youre young etc (mother mostly has drilled this into my head after marrying in her 20s :P). I feel like having this constant fear holds me back in relationships, like I'm never fully confident I'll settle down with this person just because of my age.

I know a lot of factors contribute to whether relationships work or not but is age a major one? Id like to hear peoples experiences/views

GalwayGirl26

I met my partner at 19; wasn't looking for a boyfriend, definitely not a full on relationship, but that's just how it happened. Bit cliche, but if it's meant to be....
I think if you get into a relationship young, you have to appreciate that both of ye are going to change throughout the relationship and if ye remain comparable through that change then great. You also have to discuss the future; plans for travel, career etc and not hold anybody back in their plans.

LegacyUser

Ridgerun wrote: »

mother mostly has drilled this into my head after marrying in her 20s

Obviously one of the primary functions of parenting is to pass on valuable experience to protect offspring and help them avoid a parent's mistakes, but as you now know for yourself that experience can be passed on in such a way as to generate fear and become a limiting or undermining factor. Telling a child not to touch the oven 'cos it's hot is good, giving them a phobia of ovens that leads to them never cooking a meal is bad.

Take your relationships on their merits, consider how they fit into your life and plans and make your choices, not your mother's choices.

miamee

At 21 you are really too young to be worrying about settling down. If you enjoy being with him and he makes you happy, then enjoy your time together. I'm sure at 23 he is not really worrying about settling down yet either.

kylith

My brother married, and 20 odd years later is still happily married to, the woman he took to his debs.

Young relationships are not destined to fail, but worrying about it will put unnecessary strain on it and won't help. Enjoy it; maybe ye'll break up next week, maybe ye'll be together to welcome your first great-grandchild. Just take each day as it comes.

skallywag

Not destined rather more likely to fail. It should not be written off outright though.

miamee

miamee wrote: »

At 21 you are really too young to be worrying about settling down. If you enjoy being with him and he makes you happy, then enjoy your time together. I'm sure at 23 he is not really worrying about settling down yet either.

He has told me he wants to know who hes going to be with by the time hes 25. He comes from a large family with lots of young kids, and his parents have been together since their teens. Hes the oldest of his siblings and fairly family orientated because of this so I think he has a different view than most his age.

LegacyUser

Ridgerun wrote: »

He has told me he wants to know who hes going to be with by the time hes 25. He comes from a large family with lots of young kids, and his parents have been together since their teens. Hes the oldest of his siblings and fairly family orientated because of this so I think he has a different view than most his age.

Just to expand on my earlier opinion; don't be influenced by his choices either. Have confidence in yourself, make your choices and nobody else's.

Toots

I've been with my husband since 2003, he was my first (and only boyfriend). We met when I was 17 (I was still in secondary school), we got married a few days after I turned 25, and are now happily married with a beautiful son. I know plenty of people who got married young and are still happily married 30+ years later. So, personally, I think your age doesn't have a bearing on the likelihood of your relationship surviving. However, your BF saying he wants to know who he going to be with by the time he's 25 is not realistic.

I knew who I was going to be with when I was 18, I know others who didn't know until they were much older. To take a high profile example of this, look at George Clooney! He got married when he was 29 and divorced 4 years later. Now he's 53 and just got married again. There are no guarantees whether or not a relationship will work out, and just because you feel sure at 25 doesn't mean things won't change over time. All he's doing is putting pressure on himself by saying that. Sure what if he's single when he's 25? does he just decide to remain single forever?

You're 100% right toots. I thought that when he said it to me. You cant put a time limit on these things because there's too many variables. Your story with your husband is lovely though. Nice to hear some success stories

deanylkl

I met my wife when I was 16. I'm 30 now, and have two kids with her, still love her more than life itself.

CaraMay

I met my partner at 18 and had an amazing relationship for three years. I had the same beliefs in my head about meeting someone young and we broke up due to that. We both moved on. Big mistake!!! We got back together (15 years later) and I wish I never finished it the first time and it was a big mistake. Bottom line don't ever think it mightn't work due to age. I'm Sorry now I missed all those years with him when I did know at 18/19/20 that he was the right guy.

Redser87

I met my OH when I was 20 and he was 21. We are now at the other end of our 20s and getting married next year. Just enjoy it, and what will be will be

rarity

Hi there, had to reply to this post :-) no way is your relationship destined to fail. I met my husband at 18 and 18 years later we are still together, married with 2 children.

My only piece of advise is that you both will change so much in your 20's but if the love/lust and common goals remain strong you will survive anything!! Believe me, myself and hubbie has so much thrown at us over the past 18 years (from family issues to stressful life issues) and I am still crazy about him :-) hope this helps!!!

rarity

Hi there, had to reply to this post :-) no way is your relationship destined to fail. I met my husband at 18 and 18 years later we are still together, married with 2 children.

My only piece of advise is that you both will change so much in your 20's but if the love/lust and common goals remain strong you will survive anything!! Believe me, myself and hubbie has so much thrown at us over the past 18 years (from family issues to stressful life issues) and I am still crazy about him :-) hope this helps!!!

rarity

Hi there, had to reply to this post :-) no way is your relationship destined to fail. I met my husband at 18 and 18 years later we are still together, married with 2 children.

My only piece of advise is that you both will change so much in your 20's but if the love/lust and common goals remain strong you will survive anything!! Believe me, myself and hubbie has so much thrown at us over the past 18 years (from family issues to stressful life issues) and I am still crazy about him :-) hope this helps!!!

rarity

Hi there, had to reply to this post :-) no way is your relationship destined to fail. I met my husband at 18 and 18 years later we are still together, married with 2 children.

My only piece of advise is that you both will change so much in your 20's but if the love/lust and common goals remain strong you will survive anything!! Believe me, myself and hubbie has so much thrown at us over the past 18 years (from family issues to stressful life issues) and I am still crazy about him :-) hope this helps!!!

LegacyUser

No there not, I meet my now fiance when we were 18, we're now 26 and getting married next year. I don't feel I've missed out on anything, it's nice to have someone special to share the fun times of your 20's with!

indigo twist

At 22, I got engaged to the guy I'd been with since my late teens. We were both very happy, had a great relationship, and had no doubts about getting married - we would have done it straight away if money wasn't an issue.

Well, we broke up when I was 26. We had both changed quite a bit the previous year or two. It happens in a lot of "young" relationships; sometimes the couple grow closer together and the relationship just keeps getting better; this obviously wasn't the case for us at all. I am just SO thankful that we hadn't gone ahead and gotten married. It was hard to walk away from an engagement, but walking away from a marriage would be many times worse.

Basically I would say that there's no reason it can't work. But there's really no need to decide now if he's the man you want to be with forever. Oh and make sure you've lived together before making any major decisions about getting engaged etc!

CathyMoran

I met my husband at 21 but we did not start dating until we were 23, we were on and off for years. I huge part of me regrets not marrying him a lot sooner, he was always the one for me (he proposed within a few months of our first date). We are 40 now but have been though a lot health wise but have two wonderful young children. We fell in love at first sight, it was always me who did not want to settle down sooner and I regret that.