How do you restore a damaged reputation?

mudbath142

hi all,

Several years ago I worked in a company which was made up of predominantly women. Initially I had a contract for about 9 months then was offered a new contract for another 9 months. However, my team leader changed for the 2nd contract.

Now I have to admit I was probably immature still at the time (in my early 30s) and spent a bit of my time engaging in practical jokes and I did try and flirt with one or two women, which did not go down too well with the powers that be. In any case, there were a couple of women (including the one who became my team leader) who seemed to have a strong dislike of me (probably thought I was a creep) and I felt that she was doing her best to see that I didn’t last in the position. When our contracts came up for renewal, mine wasn’t renewed. Needless to say, it was a big learning experience and I copped on big time as a result as I had responsibilities, etc.

Anyway, fast forward a couple of years and after moving to a different location myself and my wife became friends with a couple nearby. However, after knowing them for a few years, I was having a conversation with the husband who mentioned his sister-in-law worked in that very company. Small world it is and all that, it turned out of course that the sister in law was well in with the previously mentioned team leader. A few months later she was at a children's party and we met. I had thought that 10 years later she might have moved on but when I said hello, she pretended that she barely knew me, very falsely in my opinion. Anyway, fast forward a few more months and I can definitely see a distance growing between us and those neighbours. Maybe I am paranoid but it seems not only them but some of their friends also. Maybe I'm jumping the gun but I’m dissapointed that after about 10 years, someone still feels it necessary to spread gossip. I mean, I’m not the same person I was last year, not to mind 10! Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this or do I just have to suck it up and get on with it?

thanks

Rubberchikken

Wouldn't have experience like that, but tbh if someone is willing to listen to another person's opinion of someone instead of getting to know a person themselves.

You know you're a different person who would behave differently if back in that office again, so ignore them.
There are plenty of other people out there to be friends with
, and hopefully they'll be more open minded than this former team leader and her relations.

Tokyo

You did something a decade ago that you look back on now as being immature - most people can say the same about themselves, including most likely, the woman in question. Some of it may just be a little paranoia on your part, some of it may be her unable to let bygones be bygones. Either day you can't change the past - all you can do is live your day to day life as the new, mature you, and let your actions speak for themselves. If people can't take you for who you are after that, and instead judge you based on idle gossip rooted ten years in the past, then they aren't worth worrying about IMHO.

LegacyUser

To be honest op I would agree with the above poster if they are judging you on your past behaviour (based what she has told them)and are now distancing themselves from you, then they are really not worth knowing. I know from working in an all female environments that it can get ververy bitchy at times and stories tend to grow legs so god knows what rubbish she has spewed about you. If you ever see her again ignore her.

thefeatheredcat

This conversation with the husband occurred after a few years of you being friends with the couple.....was he just saying kind of "oh by the way, I heard such and such" and trying to establish if it was true, or to hear your side, or rushing to judgement, or just saying it? To be fair, you were only there for 18 months in that job, and while the sister in law was at the same company and friendly with that team leader, she might not know you to see, but more aware of you by office gossip where plenty could be exaggerated by another person's account. It is possible she didn't recognise you unless you were specifically introduced.

The couple could be busy, especially if they have children as summer and back to school months are generally busy months. If you are worried about distance growing between you all, then maybe you need to make an effort in making contact with them and arranging something to catch up?

I don't think there's anything you can do to change what people think of you if they are basing it on stories and gossip - I would think most people would think for themselves than believing some account of things that may or may not be entirely true, exaggerated or irrelevant - but if they are indeed paying heed to that gossip then perhaps maybe they have their priorities wrong in life to be more willing to believe gossip than look at the person you are today.

mudbath142

Thanks for the replies

“This conversation with the husband occurred after a few years of you being friends with the couple.....was he just saying kind of "oh by the way, I heard such and such" and trying to establish if it was true, or to hear your side, or rushing to judgement, or just saying it?”

To be honest, the conversation only established the fact that his sister-in law worked in the same company. I made the connection straight away and knew she was a strong associate of the team leader.

There is no way she would not have known me as she only sat a few feet away from me for about 9 months but she tried to make out she only briefly remembered me.