in love with best friend, please help.

Indy87

I am best friends with a girl who has a boyfriend. Long story short, we have acknowledged that we have feeling for one another and while we have almost kissed we never have and the understanding is that we won't. We both want to maintain what we have cos we do have a genuine connection and we are close and we mean a lot to one another. The relationship is very romantic in its nature and we say a lot of affectionate things to one another and because of the boundaries, our hugs have become charged with unspoken feeling.

The things is she often feels guilty about being close to me and pulls away and I do understand that. I appreicate that it is difficult for her.

While I knw the reasions for it and I know she cares for me... the regular being close and pulling away is difficult yet I feel like I should be able to accept it and not let it affect me. Am I being weak? Is it possible to mainatin the friendship?

Dixie Chick

Well, she should really either break up with her boyfriend or stop being affectionate with you. You obviously have feelings for her and currently this isn't fair to you.

Tilly

Indy87 wrote: »

I am best friends with a girl who has a boyfriend. Long story short, we have acknowledged that we have feeling for one another and while we have almost kissed we never have and the understanding is that we won't. We both want to maintain what we have cos we do have a genuine connection and we are close and we mean a lot to one another. The relationship is very romantic in its nature and we say a lot of affectionate things to one another and because of the boundaries, our hugs have become charged with unspoken feeling.

The things is she often feels guilty about being close to me and pulls away and I do understand that. I appreicate that it is difficult for her.

While I knw the reasions for it and I know she cares for me... the regular being close and pulling away is difficult yet I feel like I should be able to accept it and not let it affect me. Am I being weak? Is it possible to mainatin the friendship?

She is being very unfair to her bf by confirming feelings for you and being so close to you while she has these feelings.

You should be the better person and distance yourself from this friendship as no good will come of it while she is with her bf. You are just going to have a totally melted head during this friendship.

CaraMay

She is a player. If it was a girl on here saying this about her make friend the guy would be roasted. She is totally inappropriate and will never leave her bf for you. If that was on the cards it would have happened by now. The only way this can work in your favour is if her bf dumps her. Then she might come to you but you would still only be second best.

Have more respect for yourself than being her cushion. There are plenty of amazing girls out there and she really can't be all that amazing if she can treat her bf like this,

LegacyUser

Regardless of the lack of physical act, so far, she's cheating on her boyfriend with you. I'm a believer that if that's how you get someone, that's how you'll lose them too.

Go and find someone who doesn't have a boyfriend and who won't keep you dangling for the day she needs a fallback.

Indy87

Thnaks to all who replied so far.

To CaraMay, I agree with what you say but I don't think she is a player... more a girl who never got much affection and mustn't at home

But to everybody, is it possible to maintain a friendship like this?

CaraMay

Indy87 wrote: »

Thnaks to all who replied so far.

To CaraMay, I agree with what you say but I don't think she is a player... more a girl who never got much affection and mustn't at home

But to everybody, is it possible to maintain a friendship like this?

She can't blame her background for leading you on and emotionally cheating on her bf.

It's not possible to maintain the friendship as she isn't your friend. She is the girl you are waiting in the wings for. Do you know her bf?

Piglet85

Indy87 wrote: »

The relationship is very romantic in its nature and we say a lot of affectionate things to one another and because of the boundaries, our hugs have become charged with unspoken feeling.

No, it's not possible to maintain this friendship, because it isn't a friendship. It's significantly more than that, and it certainly amounts to her emotionally cheating on her boyfriend.

What is her reason for not being with you? If your "romantic" relationship was important enough to her, she'd break up with her boyfriend, and if the friendship was important enough, she'd stop the romance and affection. Really, if she cared about you enough, she'd leave you alone.

Tell her you want more. If she's not willing to end her relationship for you, save yourself and walk away, because you can't be friends with this girl. It's your heart that will get broken.

Colser

I feel very sorry for her boyfriend...she sounds like a user to me and you are facilitating this by having those conversations with her...Im sure she is loving the drama but it is very unfair on him ...it all sounds like a ridiculous childish game to me tbh....I dont like people that carry on behind their partners backs like this and she is playing you also Op.

musicalme

Me and my best friend have been friends 20 years. At one point we did have a difficult year when we started to have feelings for each other, we were both in relationships too. But we didn't act on it we just knew it wasn't right. Hes with someone else now and im single but im glad we didn't get together cause I still have my best friend who I can cry my eyes out to. If we got together and broke up i would have lost him and my best friend.... however everyones story is different but think about the after math is all im saying

DoYouEvenLift

You're being used for attention like a fool. Stop allowing anyone to put you through that sh!t and stop interacting with her. If it's hard for you to accept that and move on then just picture this, which is the reality: you're giving her all this attention and being a nice guy but at the end of the night its him she's jumping into bed with. You should also let her boyfriend know she's basically been cheating on him all this time too, but chances are she'll just convince him how she was only using you for attention because he wasn't giving her enough and that she never did anything physical with you and she'll turn it around and blame him, making him feel guilty and 'forgiving' her.

CaraMay wrote: »

She is a player. If it was a girl on here saying this about her make friend the guy would be roasted. She is totally inappropriate and will never leave her bf for you. If that was on the cards it would have happened by now. The only way this can work in your favour is if her bf dumps her. Then she might come to you but you would still only be second best.

Have more respect for yourself than being her cushion. There are plenty of amazing girls out there and she really can't be all that amazing if she can treat her bf like this,

100% this.

LegacyUser

Hi there. You have to do what is right for you, if you feel the regular being close and pulling away is difficult, then that is how you feel, and you need to do what is right for you. I am presuming you are a male poster. However if you are a female poster, perhaps there is a whole lot more to consider.