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In love with co-worker and he doesn't know. How do I 'forget' him?

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  • 02-10-2014 12:26am
    #1
    musicalme
    Registered Users Posts: 16 ✭


    I've been working with this man for about 6 months now (4-5 days a week) and since I met him I just completely fell for him.

    He is just a genuinely lovely guy. We joke a lot, he teases me most days, always asks how I am or am I ok, checks to see if I need anything, asks how my time off was and we chat a lot. The only thing is he doesn't really socialize with any colleagues outside work only when we go out for our lunch break together.

    Anyway my problem is, I genuinely have fallen for him but he obviously doesn't know that and I highly doubt he likes me in that way. As I have to work with him most days, does anyone have any advice on how I can distance myself from him? I do have strong feelings for him but I need them to go away. Just to make work that bit more bearable so my heart isn't going a million miles per hour all the time!
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    #2
    Lalealynn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 272 ✭✭Lalealynn


    You can't get over someone until you get under someone else :-P

    Eh well there is some truth to that.

    But well just 'do you' do your thang...but there is some truth to the above...


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    #3
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Is he married or something? Just ask him out.


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    #4
    GalwayGirl26
    Registered Users Posts: 186 ✭✭GalwayGirl26


    Ask him out- He sad yes then woo-hoo, he says no then you'll find it a lot easier to move on.


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    #5
    Lucyfur
    Registered Users Posts: 32,513 ✭✭✭✭Lucyfur


    Hi Op,

    I've moved your thread to the Relationship Forum. Please be aware that their charter now applies.

    All the best,

    Lucy.


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    #6
    Paco Rodriguez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 701 ✭✭✭Paco Rodriguez


    I wouldn't ask him out unless one of you are planning on leaving the job. You have to work with him 4 to 5 days which can become fairly awkward if he doesn't feel the same.


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    #7
    kiffer
    Registered Users Posts: 2,097 ✭✭✭kiffer


    As a guy I wouldn't ask a girl in work out for a number of reasons, so the usual if he likes you he'd have asked you out all ready rule is out the window.
    Ask him for drinks and let him know you're actually interested.


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    #8
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    He sounds lovely.

    How do you know for sure that he doesn't like you in that way?


    I'd recommend trying to get him out for a drink after work someday. Keep it light and breezy to suss the situation out in a "real life" situation as opposed to work when people aren't always as relaxed as they'd normally be.


    Good luck, OP. Don't write this off just yet!


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    #9
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    I was in a similar situation a few years ago and he had a girlfriend so there was no chance for me. I did everything I could to forget him but nothing worked and it was pretty horrible seeing him every day with the feelings I had for him.

    Then he broke up with his girlfriend. Now we're married. What have you got to lose but asking him out for a drink?


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    #10
    dixiefly
    Registered Users Posts: 2,947 ✭✭✭dixiefly


    Lalealynn wrote: »
    You can't get over someone until you get under someone else :-P

    Eh well there is some truth to that.

    But well just 'do you' do your thang...but there is some truth to the above...

    So you are saying that the only way that anyone ever gets over any breakup or crush is by sh@gging someone else?

    rubbish.


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    #11
    dixiefly
    Registered Users Posts: 2,947 ✭✭✭dixiefly


    bee06 wrote: »
    I was in a similar situation a few years ago and he had a girlfriend so there was no chance for me. I did everything I could to forget him but nothing worked and it was pretty horrible seeing him every day with the feelings I had for him.

    Then he broke up with his girlfriend. Now we're married. What have you got to lose but asking him out for a drink?

    Good for you and well done.

    To the OP, I would agree, nothing wrong with asking him out for a drink or for a bite to eat after work. If he says no you have your answer and, as said above, definitely easier to move on then.


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    #12
    MaryMay and Bobby
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭MaryMay and Bobby


    Well, I think that if a guy likes you he will go ahead and ask YOU on a date! If he doesn't he might be a coward and is that the kind of guy you want?

    Now, that may be an over generalization but you know what I mean. Only you know your situation so, if you think you could slip in the idea of going out for drinks casually, you have nothing to lose.

    Don't put pressure on him or on the night itself by calling it a "date"... Just something casual. Once you are in a NEW environment (bar or whatever), YOU have to set the tone FIRST. Be flirty, touch his arms, and such. Once the flirty vibe is clearly out there, LET HIM reciprocate. The ball will be in his court and it's his turn to really show whether he likes you or not.

    If he doesn't, then you can pull a Jamie Foxx and blame your flirty vibe on the alcohol. lol

    Good luck!
    Let us know how it goes!


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    #13
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    You asked how to forget him so I guess all the advice to ask him out isn't helpful. You need to distance yourself from him if you want to move on. The other alternative is to move job


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    #14
    musicalme
    Registered Users Posts: 16 ✭musicalme


    pwurple wrote: »
    Is he married or something? Just ask him out.

    Nope single. Wouldn't have guts to ask him out. Plus don't think he likes me like that. Just want to get over him thats all. Easier.


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    #15
    Kidchameleon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,482 ✭✭✭Kidchameleon


    OP are you male or female?


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    #16
    Pyr0
    Registered Users Posts: 5,967 ✭✭✭Pyr0


    MaryMay and Bobby wrote: »
    Well, I think that if a guy likes you he will go ahead and ask YOU on a date! If he doesn't he might be a coward and is that the kind of guy you want?

    Are you for real?

    OP, if you like the guy then ask him out for a coffee or some food after work, there'd be no need to 'plan' it just a simple "Thinking of heading to X for some food, you wanna come with?" and see what happens. The worst that can happen is he'll say no and it's not like you asked him out on a date really so it shouldn't be awkward after, or he says yes and you build from there.


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    #17
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm in the same situation, but with a girl and I know she is into me, but it's work and I don't want to have those awkward looks in the corridor if it doesn't work out.


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    #18
    musicalme
    Registered Users Posts: 16 ✭musicalme


    Kidchameleon wrote: »
    OP are you male or female?

    I'm female!


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    #19
    musicalme
    Registered Users Posts: 16 ✭musicalme


    same situation wrote: »
    I'm in the same situation, but with a girl and I know she is into me, but it's work and I don't want to have those awkward looks in the corridor if it doesn't work out.

    Sucks doesn't it? At least though you know shes into you. So could happen in future if one of you leave?


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    #20
    Kidchameleon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,482 ✭✭✭Kidchameleon


    OP ask him out, its 2014, not 1960.


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    #21
    keane2097
    Registered Users Posts: 17,770 ✭✭✭✭keane2097


    It would be so ridiculous not to ask this guy out!


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    #22
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    OP, I know you asked for advice on how to forget him (not how to ask him out) but perhaps asking him out will force some finality on the situation. As mentioned, he'll either say yes (great for you) or no (you have your answer). Either way, you'll no longer be wondering if there's any potential there.

    You have to work closely with this guy so realistically you're not going to be able to just 'forget him' - what is needed is either finality to your romantic illusions or for your relationship to progress to another level. If he says no, then there's the chance that it might be awkward but that depends as much on how you behave afterwards - if he says no, you need to brush that off and hide your disappointment and carry on as the great friends you were before.

    For the record, I met someone in work once and didn't think she was that interested in me . . . . . . . . . . we're now married.


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    #23
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    musicalme wrote: »
    Sucks doesn't it? At least though you know shes into you. So could happen in future if one of you leave?

    Don't want to take over your thread, but we ended up getting it on today and I already regret it. I'm not sure how to act in work tomorrow. Going to try "everything is normal" route as we are in a large office and it will be weird. If I could go back to last night I would tell myself not to do it.


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    #24
    musicalme
    Registered Users Posts: 16 ✭musicalme


    same situation wrote: »
    Don't want to take over your thread, but we ended up getting it on today and I already regret it. I'm not sure how to act in work tomorrow. Going to try "everything is normal" route as we are in a large office and it will be weird. If I could go back to last night I would tell myself not to do it.

    Hopefully its not too bad for you in work. Just keep busy


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