Need Help and advice please

LegacyUser

I am really hoping somebody can help me here, I don't know what to do.

I am the eldest of 5, I'm 26 years old. My father is from abroad and he left a few years ago after years of insane arguments with my mother,who is Irish btw. Arguments that were life threatening from both sides nearly, which police were often called out from myself. He left us with no money, which was hard but we got through it. He also left my mother with us who is an alcoholic.

I spent years after he left trying to keep my mother at bay, often getting out of her way when she drank, taking a few clatters and hiding the younger ones away, locked in a room with a movie on . It would be so bad sometimes, for eg. for no reason at all I would be dragged out of my bed at about 5 in the morning and thrown on the floor while she would start ripping up my schoolbooks, or If I tried to just leave she would pretend to slit her wrists. Always absolutely pissed. You would be kept up all night by prodding, shouting, worry ect. until you went to school nakerd and like a nervous wreck.She would never apologise and say it was the drink. This happened about once a week. It was manageable. There are way more gruesome and messed up stories but basically it was bad and not fair.

The problem is that I never done anything about it and I have my own life now but I have left the younger ones behind. My brother who is in college studying has had everything he owns smashed,and my sisters are going through the same. My sister had a panic attack yesterday, as another one of these nights was going on and had to ring her own ambulance as my mother sat on the floor laughing at her. I am worried about my brothers mental state, he's 22 and going grey and I know everyone needs to get out, I know that. I spent years trying to hide it for fears we would end up in care, but now I am worried somebody is going to get hurt or killed. My other sisters room was hammered and knifed down by mother last week like the bloody shining.

I want to help my mother also, as much as i hate her I know we will all leave and she will have nobody left. She has a disease but there is no point talking to her, she will just go absolutely mental and she believes her own lies. I am not sure what we can do, we are all over 18, no children anymore. If we try get her help she will go nuts, If we I get everyone out bit by bit and leave her she will end up alone and something bad will happen to her.

What can I do, I feel like it's my fault my family are going through this, I should of done something before. I remember a police woman telling me, "first it starts with the fights, then people get hurt, and then someone will get killed in a fit of rage" I am so scared she is right.

Rubberchikken

is there anyway you could apply for emergency accommodation for your siblings. i'm sorry you've gone through this and that your family are still experiencing this, but i'm also very sorry to have nothing to advise you.

like you said, she has a disease, and until she sees what she's doing and is willing to get help, things are not going to change.
i hope for your sake and your siblings sake that something can be done, before something really serious happens.

good luck

JuliusCaesar

Talk with your GP. Talk with a social worker - the IASW should be able to tell you how to access one. Talk with Citizens Advice. Talk with AA or Al-Anon for relatives of alcoholic people - or ACOA the Adult Children of Alcoholics. Get as much information as you can.

You all need to move out and maybe share a house together if you can. You cannot help your mother, only she can help herself. You need to look after yourself, you all need to look after yourselves. Together is better than alone, but may be tough too. I hope you get the information you need, it's a lot easier to make decisions if you have the relevant information. Good luck.

Summer wind

I would just like to say that absolutely none of this is in any way your fault. You have been so strong for so long and protected your family as best as you could. You should continue to stick by your family and as another poster has suggested if you could move in together because that would be a great support for you all.

Maybe when your mother realises you all have had enough of her behaviour she may try to get some help. Hang in there and try to stay strong. Best of luck.

Hi OK, I'm not sure from your post how many of ye are working, or how many in college.
Do the ones in college get a grant?

Maybe you kids could all just get together, rent a house for just ye?

You can keep as much contact as you want with your mother, but at least none of you would have to live with her anymore.
I dunno but a 4 or 5 bed house could be quite reasonable between ye all?