Low self-esteem. Should I quit my job?

LegacyUser

Apologies in advance for the long post. So i'm in my first job after graduating college and have worked in it for the last 8 months. It is a temporary job until the end of December but I am debating quitting before that - as in maybe this week.

I don't really enjoy the job at all, but the money is great. It is related to the subject I studied in college so I'm starting to re-think whether I even wanna continue in that area. The work just annoys me though to be honest, I've zero passion for it. Further than that, I don't really get on with my colleagues amazingly well.

As per the thread title, I have severe self-esteem issues. I can fake being humorous and confident the very odd time, but mostly I come across as shy and quiet and inside I always feel insecure and nervous around people. I even blush when people talk to me sometimes. I suppose my problems with work are related to life in general. I feel like at 24 years of age, i've failed miserably. I've barely any friends - the only time my phone goes off is when my mother texts me or my best friend texts asking me to go to the gym. I've had a few different friends in the past, I've had a long term gf but most of the time I'm alone. I tend to isolate myself. It's like i'm an extroverted person deep down but i'm stuck in an introverted behaviour pattern. I don't really understand it to be honest.

At work, I only really chat when i'm out at lunch, small talk around the desk is non-existent from me. In college, I only started attending class parties in my final year and thus never made any true friends so that feels like an epic failure in my life. Never even joined a class. Didn't live on campus as I lived close by, so I feel like I've missed so much.

I always want to be a person who lights up a room with their happy mood and chattiness but it never happens. I have the desire to meet people but I can't break past that introverted barrier. I don't even ask girls out anymore. My confidence is way too low. Even when i'm drunk, I just don't bother.

So, on a broad level, i'm unhappy with myself. And I think that may be my biggest problem. I'm always obsessively thinking about how I should have a job I really enjoy, how I should be better with women, how I should have more friends, how my phone should ring more, how my social calendar should be packed, how I should be popular in work etc etc

I guess the existence of going into work, going to the gym after it and then coming home to sit in my room watching tv just isn't that appealing to me. I have this idea that everyone else lives a way more fun life than me. Facebok seems to confirm it.My friend and my mother think i'd be crazy to quit a well paid job with 2 months left on my contract. I guess I just came here wondering what I should do? Should I continue in the job despite being unhappy with it and unhappy with myself? Any advice for how to start to accept myself and get over the things I've done wrong in my life such as not putting myself out there more? How can I boost self-esteem?

Thanks very much for anyone who gives advice as I feel a bit lost.

Rekop dog

Like a lot of similar threads you seem to be stuck in the past, beating yourself up about your perceived failures and time wasted. You need to focus on the present so tomorrow/next week/month/year won't fall into similar category.

You seem to be in a bit of a rut with regards day to day life. I wouldn't advise quiting the job just yet as your unhappiness may be stemming from life outside work(or lack of). What are you interested in hobbies wise? Does your inhabitions hold you back from partaking in these? If you had a busier social life outside work this may completely change your perspective on things and you'd perhaps be more passionate about your job.

Could of course be the case that you genuinely aren't interested in persueing a career in that field, did it interest you in college or were you going through the motions? Think it's important to be doing something you find stimulating and even if it means retraining it'll probably be worth long term as you'll climb the career ladder a lot quicker doing something you're passionate about rather than something that it's obvious that your heart isn't in it. But again I wouldn't make any drastic decisions before you're fully confident that it's a work issue and you're not just attributing general life discontent to the job.

Rubberchikken

Reading your post i see you want to achieve a lot. But tbh you 'll have to pick one thing and start there.

What will you do if you leave your job now?
If it's not the career tou want, do you know what you'd actually like to do? At 24 you could go back to college and be determined to get as much as possible out of it this time.

By the way, there's nothing wrong with not being the life and soul of the party. Every personality is different which is good.

Maybe when you're happy with what you're doing, you'lll find this happiness will extend into other parts of you life

750X

I say - head up; see out contract: enjoy Christmas - enjoy mulling over your next move; JANUARY! - New Year - New you!

December2012

There's a saying "everywhere you go, there you are".

Basically your problem won't change until you change the problem. Work is not the problem. Work is not stopping you from talking to girls, making friends or socialising.

You are. So don't quit work - that will just add to your problems and isolate you even further.

Maybe go speak with a mental health professional and do work on your personality and happiness.

kiffer

Your post sounds very familiar.
And in fact I just left a job for similar reasons.
Actually no, my job was poorly paid.
anyway, I say the end is in sight, hold on till December and start trying to fantasise about what's next.

Hang in there and maybe talk to a therapist?

Buona Fortuna

Hi OP, just some comments rather than advice

If you look there's an awful lot of twenty somethings starting threads on similar lines to yours. I don't really know what the problem is, but an awful lot of people seem to be in the same boat

One of the things I would point out though is that an awful lot of the way we enjoy a job or not is about the people who work and not so much about the type of widgets we are making. Do give that some thought before you decide on a career change.

As to quitting your job, I'd say stick it out, it'll look good on the resume and enjoy christmas.

There was a thread on Boards a couple of months back about what advice would you give to your younger self. An awful lot of that advice was relax. Things come right in the end just do it without the angst. You meet so and so, you like her, it doesn't work, don't waste your time. Then you meet ....

One bit of advice that really hit me between the eyes was "Give Uncle Jack a hug on ..... because you won't see him again"

Anyway OP things will come right in the end you'll see.


I wish you all that you wish yourself

CdeC

Hey OP,

I don't think that the job is the issue. You seem to have lost your lust for life and do not enjoy things as much anymore. It is hard having few friends and i can relate to the isolation thing. Just remember that people probably do not see you the same way as you do. Now I reckon there's a few things that you can do to try and get yourself in a better place.

1) push yourself out there. go out and join something. a team or a sport where you are meeting new people. play the hour or so and go for pints. It's harder to make friends as an adult but not impossible. It takes time though as people have more walls up. When you do you'll make friends through friends. Parties, stags, weddings etc

2) write a list of things you can do to improve your situation.
Are you getting enough sleep? are you engaging in potentially harmful isolating behaviour at home?. Are you eating right?Anything you think that may be negatively affecting your thoughts and moods. write it down and look at it from time to time to try and improve it.

3) Your work. Ok so you are not happy. Is there anything on offer in work that you can take on so that your future prospects are improved. Training, a project etc. Even if the money is good if you are stuck in a rut you'll be unhappy. I'm a little but older than you and believe me, start looking after your career now.

4) Have you thought down the line of a career break. you could ask for a few months off and hit the road. You are at the perfect age to do a bit of travelling maybe around aisia or South america. Great way to kick back and enjoy yourself and meet new people. Loads of people do it alone. Might be something for the future.


In any case the line where you say

"I should have a job I really enjoy, how I should be better with women, how I should have more friends, how my phone should ring more, how my social calendar should be packed, how I should be popular in work etc etc"

You can have all these things but it takes time. small steps towards these goals and you'll be there without even realising it. But you will need to take some steps out of your comfort zone. Just do it and you'll be glad you did. If people don't want to engage just shrug it off and move on. Try and be more confident and sure of yourself. Poeple will be drawn to that and engage with you more. Might be worth having a chat with someone about the stuff you said here. Get it out in the open.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the suggestions so far. I think I will hang on to the job until my contract finishes but yet again after another hour long commute home I just feel drained and isolated. It's going to be difficult doing the job for the next 2 months. It's tough aswell so mentally i'm drained every day when I get home.


It's difficult being 24 years old and having no clue what job you'd actually enjoy. I genuinely don't have a breeze. I like travelling and I like writing but making a career out of either is unlikely. I have a gift for languages aswell so maybe teaching. But how can someone as shy as me ever hope to teach?

Mainly I just wish I would accept myself more and embrace the positive aspects of my past. Instead I 100% of the time focus negatively. I have connected with a few people at work and have went out for after-work drinks at least 10 times over the course of my 8 months there which is good. I have graduated from college with a very highly regarded degree. I've had friends before, I've been in love. There's a part of me that knows i'm relatively normal for my age and the experiences I've had have been good, but the other part of me that focuses on the negative, focuses on things I haven't done, connections I haven't made. Sadly, this part of me is much much stronger.

Stavro Mueller

So what are you going to do when your contract's up? Because if you've not got a Plan B sorted you could just as easily be starting a thread about low esteem, being on the dole, having few friends etc. It's unfortunate that you don't like this job but maybe you were just unlucky in this particular job. You might find yourself enjoying another job more. You come across as someone who could become very down indeed if you were sat at home on the dole so be careful what you do from now.

If you ask most adults, they'll tell you that they still don't know what they'd like to do when they grow up. More people than you'd think fall into jobs/careers more by accident than design. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. These days people are in a better position to change careers. Have you tried looking at distance learning courses, online classes etc?

In your first post you mentioned Facebook. Comparing your life to the ones people appear to be having on Facebook is a fool's game. People are very selective about what they put up there. You'll never hear someone posting about how they spent the night ironing or that the most exciting place they've been all week was Tesco. Also, despite what you think, not everyone has tons of friends. You've got a best friend which is more than some people have. True, you could do with widening your social circle but that's something that's possible even with your hour long commute. There's no point in looking back at college and beating yourself up over things you can't change. It doesn't matter in the grand scale of things whether your younger self was a social butterfly at college or barely spoke to another soul. That was then and this is now. As time goes on, the years you spent in college will become an insignificant blip in your life.

Naturally you're going to feel down because you're doing little more than coming home from work, eating and sleeping. One big difference between school/college and work is that friends and acquaintances don't fall into your lap so easily. You've got to get out there and make the effort. Also if you like writing, why not start as a hobby? Try something simple like setting up a a blog for example or taking a look in the Creative writing forum here on boards.

Start small and try to fix one thing at a time in your life. You're beating yourself up unnecessarily I think. Try to be kinder to yourself and solve the things outside of work first.

ivytwine

jobissues14 wrote: »

Thanks for all the suggestions so far. I think I will hang on to the job until my contract finishes but yet again after another hour long commute home I just feel drained and isolated. It's going to be difficult doing the job for the next 2 months. It's tough aswell so mentally i'm drained every day when I get home.


It's difficult being 24 years old and having no clue what job you'd actually enjoy. I genuinely don't have a breeze. I like travelling and I like writing but making a career out of either is unlikely. I have a gift for languages aswell so maybe teaching. But how can someone as shy as me ever hope to teach?

Mainly I just wish I would accept myself more and embrace the positive aspects of my past. Instead I 100% of the time focus negatively. I have connected with a few people at work and have went out for after-work drinks at least 10 times over the course of my 8 months there which is good. I have graduated from college with a very highly regarded degree. I've had friends before, I've been in love. There's a part of me that knows i'm relatively normal for my age and the experiences I've had have been good, but the other part of me that focuses on the negative, focuses on things I haven't done, connections I haven't made. Sadly, this part of me is much much stronger.

Even if you never use it I really would recommend doing a TEFL course. I'd be the same "how could I ever teach" but they really do help you with all that stuff.

I also would recommend mindfulness, it will greatly help you live in the present and calm those negative thoughts. You could practice for some of your bus home, it's what I do if my face is not in someone's armpit and the effect is great. There's loads online and there's a "Little Book of Mindfulness" I think that I've seen in bookshops and it sounds like a good introduction.