Craving Love?

larrlin24

Okay this is pretty embarrassing to admit, but the title speaks for itself. I'm a 22, single female and I crave love. I mean that all consuming, can't keep your hands off each other love. I've had clinical depression for four years now and because of that, I don't really see a future for myself. I feel cheated. I just feel like I'll never experience that feeling even though I want it so badly. Because of my depression, I haven't had a chance to meet people like most people my age do, but it's still really getting to me. I've been immersing myself in books that are about love and they make me even more sad. I know this sounds pretty desperate, but I'm not. I guess I'm just lonely. Is it normal to feel this way?

Yurt2

As someone currently recovering from depression I can understand how you feel. Everyone to a greater or lesser extent wants and needs close bond with someone else. The trouble with it is you can easily lose yourself in another person and jeopardize your recovery. You need to be strong in yourself before taking on the challenge of a relationship (and relationships are a a massive challenge and responsibility, both to yourself and the other person). You might end up with the wrong person because of a consuming need to feel wanted. That's the danger with relationships and mental health, love stimulates the same reward parts of your brain as alcohol or other recreational drugs. Love is great but is also a highly combustible substance. Don't compromise yourself or your recovery for it.

Keep making yourself stronger and the right person will come along at the right time. Best of luck on your journey.

Yurt2

Forgot to mention, at 22 your best years are still ahead of you. You will of course meet someone that you will share your life with. Just keep your ship pointed in the right direction.

santana75

Yurt! wrote: »

Everyone to a greater or lesser extent wants and needs close bond with someone else. The trouble with it is you can easily lose yourself in another person and jeopardize your recovery. You need to be strong in yourself before taking on the challenge of a relationship (and relationships are a a massive challenge and responsibility, both to yourself and the other person). You might end up with the wrong person because of a consuming need to feel wanted. That's the danger with relationships and mental health, love stimulates the same reward parts of your brain as alcohol or other recreational drugs. Love is great but is also a highly combustible substance. Don't compromise yourself or your recovery for it.

Keep making yourself stronger and the right person will come along at the right time. Best of luck on your journey.

+1.
Dont wanna trivalise your feelings OP but I do think youre looking for answers in the wrong place. Relationships can be a pain in the ass, theyre not what you think they are. I mean it'd probably be good for a few weeks or months but pretty soon reality sets in and you realise that the relationship is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Try to live your life in an authentic way, pursue your passions and find out about yourself. Everything else is a bonus.

Buona Fortuna

Hi Llarlin

I would just say, that if you "look for love", "look for a relationship" - I think in a way people pick that up.

You're far better just meeting people, taking an interest in them, let them take an interest in you. Love will happen soon enough you'll see.

I firmly believe that there is someone for everyone, just give yourself time.

Do your hobbies and pastimes: hill walking, basket weaving, wood turning - it matters not, anything that intersts you and just meet people. Some you will like, some you won't.


I wish you all the very best

larrlin24

Thank you for the kind comments. I was really nervous to post this. I guess I'm not looking for a relationship right now, I just long for that physical and emotional intimacy with someone and I feel like because my depression has caused me to miss out on so much, that I'll never find it.

ManOfMystery

A lot of people use the phrase 'look for love', as if it's a big pot of gold at the end of a rainbow and they only have to find it.

Hollywood has a lot to answer for this, as it introduces the notion that 2 people have only to glance at each other across a room and they're instantly in mad, passionate love. It isn't really like that. You meet someone, you get to know them, and love develops from there - or it doesn't. For some people with great chemistry, it may feel like it develops quickly and for other it may be more of a slow burner - but they get there anyway.

At the risk of sounding clichéd, you should really work on loving yourself first. If you have the usual symptoms of clinical depression, then it may be difficult to put yourself out there and meet new people, and be able to engage with them and feel confident/excited about it. But to do so may actually be a great pedestal to helping you improve how you feel, and thus you'll be able to socialise more - and one will feed the other.

I love reading and movies as much as the next person, but don't immerse yourself in books to the extent that you're having to cut down on socialising time. That's how you'll get out and meet someone who may be a person you fall in love with, not sitting in your room alone and reading night after night.

Good luck

Rubberchikken

you will find the love you're looking for, but sometimes a person just has to stop looking and then, boom, there it is.
get yourself well first. concentrate on that, for the time being that's the most important thing.

take care

karaokeman

Putting yourself out there is the way to go. Don't stop reading entirely (I'm an avid consumer of books myself) but if you distract yourself with socializing nothing ever feels as bad. We're all attracted to people who are confident in themselves, try be that person to other potential partners.

Redser87

You could join a book club OP... safe way to start putting yourself out there, and even if you don't find love through it, you could find happiness in the social aspect of doing something that seems to be very solitary for you. Through talking to others, you might also find that you get more out of the books than just sadness over what you don't have. And you would never know who you might meet through the people in the club.
SO much easier said than done, but it is often when we start to love ourselves that others notice that we are worthy of love!

Gannicus

larrlin24 wrote: »

Okay this is pretty embarrassing to admit, but the title speaks for itself. I'm a 22, single female and I crave love. I mean that all consuming, can't keep your hands off each other love.

Firstly, don't be embarrassed.

Secondly, I hope you don't find me condescending, but its seems from reading the start of your post you're craving lust and passion as opposed to love. If that's not the case be careful as you could easily confuse that kind of attention for love and it might lead you to disappointment.

I know doing the regular pubs, clubs and joining societies has been said but you could always try speed dating (depending on where you live).

Also you're only 22 so don't be rushing into it, you are still young and there's plenty of time ahead. I know what you feeling from a single standpoint as I'm single myself and sometimes you get cravings (for lack of a better word) for that physical and emotional closeness you see people enjoying around you.