Wedding etiquette re cards?

GalwayGirl26

Hi all,
Flicking through Pinterest and came across the idea of post boxes or treasure chests or birdcages for wedding cards at the reception.
I can see how they would be very practial and I'm sure the groomsmen would welcome them, but it's niggling at me that they come across as a bit crass or something?
Has anybody seen them at a wedding or used then? What was the reaction? Any opinions welcome!!

January

You are right they are crass.

ABajaninCork

Why? It's a very practical solution. I've seen it plenty of times in the course of my work and other weddings I've been to. People don't have to wonder where to put the cards or find someone to hand them to. Put the box on the top table, and off you go...

January

I really don't know, I hate that giving something is implied... Like, is there a table to put gifts on in full view of everyone?

I find it similar to putting wording on invitations implying that cash is preferred.

ABajaninCork

January wrote: »

I really don't know, I hate that giving something is implied... Like, is there a table to put gifts on in full view of everyone?

I find it similar to putting wording on invitations implying that cash is preferred.

The two are completely different issues. People generally like to give gifts at weddings whether it's money or not. That's a given. What do you mean that giving something is implied? I'm not sure I understand...

I have no problem with a wedding box at the reception. It saves the awkwardness of looking for someone to press the gift on.

However - I do agree with you that asking for cash (implied or otherwise) is not good form.

pwurple

Saw one at the last wedding we attended. It was a beautifully decorated picnic basket with "Cards" written on it.

First impression alright was that it was slightly cheeky. But then, we dropped our card into it and changed my mind. Was very handy not to have to find someone, or drop the card somewhere. I remember once giving a card to a groomsman, followed by the best man roaring across a room at me "Is there cash in that card?". Apparantly the groomsman I was nearest too could not be trusted with cards. Sheesh.

Anyway, yeah, I think they're handy.

Edited to say: And they don't actually ask for money, I've often given just a card at the wedding, and dropped a gift off at the house or something.

brooke 2

January wrote: »

You are right they are crass.

Another American idea!

I was at an engagement party in New York some time ago. Saw this box decorated in Mets/Yankees colours on a table in the room. 'Innocently' asked what it was for!! Haha!!! Could not believe the crassness of it!! (Had brought my own gift from Ireland, by the way!)

January

ABajaninCork wrote: »

The two are completely different issues. People generally like to give gifts at weddings whether it's money or not. That's a given. What do you mean that giving something is implied? I'm not sure I understand...

I have no problem with a wedding box at the reception. It saves the awkwardness of looking for someone to press the gift on.

However - I do agree with you that asking for cash (implied or otherwise) is not good form.

But you're going to look for someone to press the gift on if it's an actual gift and not just an envelope, aren't you? So what's the point in having a box/birdcage etc just for the cards? Sure I thought it was a given that all cards and gifts went to the best man... You wouldn't just leave it lying on a table somewhere.

ABajaninCork

January wrote: »

But you're going to look for someone to press the gift on if it's an actual gift and not just an envelope, aren't you? So what's the point in having a box/birdcage etc just for the cards? Sure I thought it was a given that all cards and gifts went to the best man... You wouldn't just leave it lying on a table somewhere.

No, it's not!! What people tend to do if they can't find the best man is find someone, ANYONE from the bridal party. Including the bride & groom, to give the gift to which was what happened at our wedding too. I've even had gifts given to ME when I worked as an Event Manager.

We'll have to agree to disagree.

witchgirl26

I think this is actually lovely if done right. It's not saying the bride or groom expect money in the cards but generally people will be giving a card (even if they're giving a physical present). Honestly does anyone not give a card at a wedding? It also means that they're not trying to collect all the cards from varying different sources the next day. Means cards don't get lost.
I've also seen it done at 21st birthday parties.

Redser87

If it's done right it is lovely. As a guest, I would prefer to know that I have definitely put my card in a place where it will be found easily and not go missing. I saw one at a wedding reception where the theme was travel, and it was a postbox with stickers from places the B&G had lived. I thought it was quite sweet and it was put together with the guest book and a few other bits and pieces, so it fit in nicely with everything else.

Gatica

I think they do look pretty, and are a good way to alleviate bridal party responsibilities.
There are 2 problems with the letterboxes though - first, it makes some guests uncomfortable that they have to put in a card and may feel that if they're not seen as putting a card in, that they came empty-handed; two, some people have brought up on other threads that these boxes can be easily stolen and there were considerations of bolting/tying down the boxes.

smallerthanyou

Don't like it at all. Can see the practical element but definitely an idea that at least some of your guests will find crass and tacky.

Dolbert

I can see how people might see it as crass, but personally as a guest I'd find it very convenient.

teggers5

I had seen them on pinterest also and thought they were a lovely idea until I read a post on Facebook where people were saying they were an easy target for theives.
Looks like it'll be a job for my bridesmaids after all :P

Stepping Stone

I think that they are brilliant. On several occasions I have been holding a card for hours. In one case, I was told that they (groomsmen & bridesmaids) weren't accepting responsibility so we had to give it to the bride and groom the next day. I don't care about being seen to give a card in the least. Making a point of being seen is terribly crass.

Arbiter of Good Taste

January wrote: »

You are right they are crass.

That's your opinion. I think they are a great idea if done correctly. At my wedding I had people trying to hand me cards with significant amounts of cash in them

Toots

I think that in theory they're a good idea but in practice they may not work out so well.

Firstly there's a security issue, if people are putting in cards with money there could potentially be thousands sitting in this box. If I saw one at a wedding this would be what would put me off using one.

Secondly, some people will find it crass. It's not as bad as those wishing well things, but may give off the same impression. The treasure chest idea is almost worse than the well. I can see a few of the older generation being offended by it. You'd probably find that for every person who put a card in, there'd be another who hands them to the groomsman anyway.

Milly33

Was all for this idea, I didn't think people thought them as rude or fudie dudie as such. Always thought they were quite handy as at least someone wasn't stuck minding them for the evening or you weren't running too and fro.. I haven't seen one at the last two weddings we went to but was planning on having one ourselves, we always had them even at parties recently 30th, 60th so never saw any wrong with them

Sala

I wouldn't think badly of it in fact it saves people running around looking for the best man/ bridesmaid in charge. If I'm staying overnight I usually give them the card the next day for the very reason that it is awkward to find people

Sligo1

Milly33 wrote: »

Was all for this idea, I didn't think people thought them as rude or fudie dudie as such. Always thought they were quite handy as at least someone wasn't stuck minding them for the evening or you weren't running too and fro.. I haven't seen one at the last two weddings we went to but was planning on having one ourselves, we always had them even at parties recently 30th, 60th so never saw any wrong with them

At a 30th???!! Christ what did I do wrong? I never got a penny for mine let alone had the need for a box! Lol.

witchgirl26

Sligo1 wrote: »

At a 30th???!! Christ what did I do wrong? I never got a penny for mine let alone had the need for a box! Lol.

The box is intended for cards - doesn't have to be money in them. Doubt you got no cards.

Sligo1

witchgirl26 wrote: »

The box is intended for cards - doesn't have to be money in them. Doubt you got no cards.

No I actually didn't ... Got a few from mum and brothers... And hubby. No need for a box tho...

Milly33

See that was it you got married too early haha only messing.. Yeah tis more just so people can put them there.. I didn't have that many either but again it saved people running around trying to figure out who to give the card too and things like that

Senna

From working at a hotel, card boxes are a god-sent, before we used them, people would hand cards to the hotel reception and even hand them to staff and the wedding coordinators saying "give that to the bride and groom". We want no responsibility for cards, so put them in the box and at least someone in the bridal party can put them in the safe after the meal.
Without a card box people will be handing over cards all day and well into the evening, I've seen a few bestmen drunk by the end of the meal, handing them cards at that stage is asking for trouble.

Faith

I know that a lot of people consider the post boxes etc crass, but can anyone explain why? I genuinely don't understand why they'd be crass, but sometimes I'm not great at picking stuff like that up. Is it just that they imply there's an expectation of cards/gifts?

Senna

Faith wrote: »

I know that a lot of people consider the post boxes etc crass, but can anyone explain why?

Its not crass, but people on boards like to have a negative opinion on everything and read too much into every possible situation. A box sitting in the corner beside the person serving the refreshment is perfect, the way people go on here, you'd swear they were holding it up and shaking it at guests as they walk by.
Every guest wants to get rid of their card before they start enjoying themselves too much and forget completely about it (which has happened me once), wedding are blown completely out of proportions and attitudes like this just complicate innocent situations.
Next they'll be say having wine glasses on the table is pressurizing people into drinking wine:P

Hold the Cheez Whiz

Faith wrote: »

I know that a lot of people consider the post boxes etc crass, but can anyone explain why? I genuinely don't understand why they'd be crass, but sometimes I'm not great at picking stuff like that up. Is it just that they imply there's an expectation of cards/gifts?

Yes.

Also, from a practical perspective, there is a risk that the box will be stolen. At my wedding, one of my aunts who always sits in the same spot all night and doesn't drink was the 'bag lady' for the cards.

Personally, this is why I never bring gifts to the actual wedding - it can be a huge hassle for the couple. I guess it was easier though when formal receiving lines were common.

Gatica

Yep, expectation is considered crass. Whether guests consider a box in full view to be a demonstration of expectation, well, that depends on each person.
Some may not feel comfortable walking by the box and not putting something in, even if no one in actual fact is paying attention as to who is and is not putting something into the box. This discomfort is what would bother some. Those that would have a card in hand anyway, won't see the issue because to them it's convenient... and therefore, as with any other debate, the two sides.

Neyite

If there is a safe upstairs then all thats needed is for the best man / bridesmaid to pop upstairs once in a while with a bunch and stash them safely. Just get a card that is reasonably sized so that it will fit in a suit pocket.

My sisters hotel offered the use of locked post box behind reception as part of her package - bestman handed the cards to reception, they would put them in the little post box thingy with just their room number on the front, and in the morning, the manager on duty opened it and gave my sister the lot.

Same idea, but a bit more discreet and secure.