Assualt

LegacyUser

I would like to remain anonymous for now - please just reply (if you like).

This is a very, very difficult for me. I have been writing & re-writing this for years. Its time to just hit send.

I'll give you the jest of it.

I was sexually assaulted, 10 years ago, and I still have nightmares about it.
I was 17, in my 1st year at college, we were having a wee party.
My friend invited some people I didn't know that well, I knew them to see, but that was ok.
We were all drinking, they all left & went to a nightclub, I stayed home, as I felt I was too drunk & tired, I locked the door & sat down on the couch. The tv was on.

I must have fallen asleep, when I woke up, he was on top of me. He was kissing me, his fingers were inside me. I pushed him off, I ran upstairs, I locked my bedroom door.

I cried all night. I scrubbed my skin raw in the morning.

I tried to report it, a few times, but couldn't go through with it, I felt ashamed.
Who would believe me.
I'm shaking typing this email.

I see him around all the time - he's in the local news now, as hes a local politician/ county councilor (and a teacher in a secondary school) now. Makes me SICK to my stomach, hearing people talk about what a great fella he is, hes so nice. If only they knew the truth.

What the hell am I going to do.
Its tearing me apart.

Any advice would be amazing. xx

bp

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. If you feel ready for it maybe get in touch with the rape crisis centre, they can certainly advise you better than me.

Keep strong and your head up, you did nothing wrong

Tokyo

Hi OP,

I can't claim to understand what you are feeling, but I have read enough similar posts here to be able to tell you that you are not alone in all of this, and that you need to speak to a professional about this without delay. The poster above has suggested the Rape Crisis Centre and I second that. Regardless of the length of time that has passed, they will be able to help you with the steps you need to take in taking care of yourself, and following up on reporting this person to the police if that is what you want to do. Their details are below:



Rape / Sexual Assault

Rape Crisis Network Ireland - Representative Body for Rape Crisis Centres across Ireland.

Rape Crisis Help - (1800 77 88 88) - helpline/information about the professional support and the choices available to survivors of sexual violence. Also provides the facility to find a Rape Crisis Centre in your locality.

SkyBlueClouds

Annon 1234 wrote: »

I would like to remain anonymous for now - please just reply (if you like).

This is a very, very difficult for me. I have been writing & re-writing this for years. Its time to just hit send.

I'll give you the jest of it.

I was sexually assaulted, 10 years ago, and I still have nightmares about it.
I was 17, in my 1st year at college, we were having a wee party.
My friend invited some people I didn't know that well, I knew them to see, but that was ok.
We were all drinking, they all left & went to a nightclub, I stayed home, as I felt I was too drunk & tired, I locked the door & sat down on the couch. The tv was on.

I must have fallen asleep, when I woke up, he was on top of me. He was kissing me, his fingers were inside me. I pushed him off, I ran upstairs, I locked my bedroom door.

I cried all night. I scrubbed my skin raw in the morning.

I tried to report it, a few times, but couldn't go through with it, I felt ashamed.
Who would believe me.
I'm shaking typing this email.

I see him around all the time - he's in the local news now, as hes a local politician/ county councilor (and a teacher in a secondary school) now. Makes me SICK to my stomach, hearing people talk about what a great fella he is, hes so nice. If only they knew the truth.

What the hell am I going to do.
Its tearing me apart.

Any advice would be amazing. xx

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles OP. Remember you are the victim here and have nothing to feel ashamed about.

As other posters have suggested the RCC would be the first port of call for advice and support. I would urge you to report the crime to the authorities when you feel strong enough to do so.

If you need immediate emotional support you could also try Samaritans or Aware.

Best wishes, and look after yourself.

Wordless

As other people have stated you have done nothing wrong here and I am sorry you have experienced this. Stay safe and look after yourself.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone.
Thanks for replying.

I just find it so very hard to talk about it.

When I'm tipsy - that's another story.
I've tried to report it a few times when tipsy (after seeing him in a pub or at a party) but the Guards just say come back when your sober. I have tried to talk to them sober, but I just cant.

I do drink to block it out - around the time of the elections, I sobered *just* enough to go to work - his face was everywhere, smirking down at me from every lamp post.

I'm exhausted. I'm frustrated. I want to move on, but every time I make a little bit of progress, he just seems to crawl back out of the woodwork. I just want it to be over.

I cant see anyway this will ever be over - its affected me (& my relationships) for the past 10 years. Leaving the country might help, failing running away from it, I'm at a loss unfortunately.

Even if I report it - because of his "status" I can't see it getting very far - I'll end up named by local press, as trying to bad mouth him, or something like that. I just feel like no one will believe me, because of who he is, such a great, upstanding member of the community.

I don't know what to do. But I do know I can't go on like this.
xx

king_of_inismac

Sounds like an absolutely horrendous experience. You have my sincerest sympathies.

As important as it is to report him, have you considered going to counselling for yourself? Its still affecting you 10 years after - don't let another 10 years go by without helping yourself.

That's should be your no. 1 priority. If you decide to report him later, all the better.

Best of luck!

mrty

Report it. That's the first step in helping yourself. I know it will be very difficult from what you have said, it will take all of your strength but you will feel better after. Its a huge first step but a necessary one. Good luck.

Rubberchikken

I'm so sorry such a horrible thing happened to you.

Dont for one minute, feel any shame. You did nothing to justify this guy doing such a disgusting thing to you.

I would second the advice on getting yourself some counselling.
When you feel stronger, and you will, then you can decide if you want to make a complaint.

Stay strong.

thefeatheredcat

OP, you did nothing wrong and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. And you shouldn't feel like you can't talk about it or that you can't do anything about it because of the position this person is now in and how others perceive him. His status is irrelevant but what is relevant is what he did 10 years ago and how you still feel to this very day about it. It is effecting and affecting you in the present because you have been burdened with this for 10 years and plagued by it and you shouldn't hold it in, hold this burden alone anymore. Because the longer you do, the worse effect it will have on your life, from the drinking to difficulties in relationships.

You need to take back control. You can't go back 10 years and change what happened, you can't change how you reacted, or how you felt, or what you did or didn't do or should have or shouldn't have done, but what you can do now, is deal with it in the here and now.

Would you be comfortable engaging with Rape Crisis? They can talk with you about what happened, help with counselling and be there for you, even maybe go with you to Gardai to make a statement sober. They will help you get past what happened and help you recover from effects it has had on your life. Even if you lived on a colony on the Moon, you'll still know what happened to you 10 years ago, and it will still effect you. The harsh reality is that there isn't an escape from what happened, except in actually dealing with it, doing something about it even if that is just getting yourself counselling that helps you, and overcoming it all.

It doesn't matter that he is of a certain position or regarded well in the community, or that it was 10 years ago, it will get investigated regardless of who he is. The legal side of it such as being named in the paper, perhaps Rape Crisis can advise in relation to that as I understand anonymity can be applied and voluntarily given up but under what circumstances I'm not fully sure.

The aspect I would be most concerned with is you being burdened with this for so long and how it effects your life, your mental health, your well being. This is priority #1. Even if you do not feel strong enough to go to Gardai then the absolute must for you is to tell someone, someone who can give you support, counselling and help you heal. If there's one thing I've learned from my life and dealing with issues - especially bad stuff from my own past - is that being upfront, open and honest with myself and talking about the issue with someone makes it easier to talk about, easier to confront because it's more real, easier to deal with and easier to move on from to a better place.