Nonsense from fellow students in my course

Cause is Right

We're all in our finalized courses for 3rd year and a lot of us are new to each other. The other day our demonstrator asked us what day would it suit for us the come back to collect the results of the experiment. Everyone else stayed silent as I then said "Friday" loud enough to make sure it was heard, as that was the day that suited me. The guy opposite me then laughed as he looked at the girl next to him, to make me to like an idiot for saying that. The girl then laughed too. Perhaps he hadn't heard what the demonstrator said, and thought I just randomly said Friday. Or maybe he thought it was rude to say it like that. Anyway, I was insulted at this, as they just looked at each and laughed when they knew that I could hear. Not a nice feeling. I didn't do anything, since it was so unexpected. I know they're not confrontational, more the nasty behind your back type, so perhaps I should have just said straight out, "that's rude guys, I can hear ye!"

Then later, I was thinking out loud to my partner, about the procedure I was about to do, for the first time. Him and his partner were opposite us on the other side of the desk. I apparently said something incorrect which he joked to me about, which isn't that big a deal. I had my hands full at the time, and didn't quite hear what he said, so I replied "what?" He then turned to his partner and started saying stuff to her instead. I knew he was saying something a small bit nasty. You can always tell. That's how I knew she was going to laugh. Then she laughed, like she was supposed to. He may as well have said now's your cue to laugh. It would a bit much if I showed how offended I was by challenging him on it. I probably wouldn't have been able to think of anything quickly enough on the spot, other than something stupid like "that's not very nice". Instead I gave him a taste of his own medicine by muttering "idiots". He then said "what?" to which I pretended I didn't hear. But I knew he heard, and he knew I heard.

Now whenever they need our data, it's always her communicates with me instead of him. This may be more of a big deal than you think, as early on in the year little interactions like this can be establishing a pecking order. I don't care if this means I'm losing friends, I cannot tolerate this bullsh1t. What do you think of this behaviour?

indigo twist

I think you maybe be overthinking things or misinterpreting what's going on. Yes, it's immature for grown adults to be sniggering and whispering in class like that - but I don't think you can be certain any of it involved you.

You called him an idiot. If I were him, I'd probably be minimising contact with you too - particularly if you hadn't even been the subject of their conversation in the first place.

MagicMarker

You need a thicker skin methinks.

Cause is Right

MagicMarker wrote: »

You need a thicker skin methinks.

That's a typical unhelpful reply.

So you'd just sit there being laughed at and do nothing?

Mike747

Cause is Right wrote: »

That's a typical unhelpful reply.

So you'd just sit there being laughed at and do nothing?

Are you a mature student?

Tokyo

Cause is Right wrote: »

That's a typical unhelpful reply.

So you'd just sit there being laughed at and do nothing?

It's actually not an unreasonable response - by the sounds of your opening post you do seem overly sensitive to the situation, and are confusing immaturity on somebody else's part as an affront to you - you describe yourself as being 'insulted' by their sniggering to each other, and regret not being confrontational with them - that doesn't seem like a healthy response to the situation to me. The second experience sounds like even more overkill on your part.

If you can stand behind your statements, then you need to learn to ignore those who snigger at them, for whatever reason. Confrontation isn't helping, and as you are finding out, is only making the situation even worse. By all accounts it doesn't seem to be some kind of personal insult directed towards you, so you need to learn to let it wash over you before it DOES develop into something personal. Or in the words of the previous poster, you need to develop a thicker skin.

alaskayoung

I'd just ignore it if I were you. If you're not doing anything wrong, it's their problem not yours. Not worth getting so bothered about something relatively small. You said you don't care if you're friends with them or not so you shouldn't care what they think! I wouldn't dwell on it if I were you. You'll encounter all sorts of people, some difficult some not, the only thing you can control is your own behaviour.

The Pheasant2

Actively requesting to schedule things on a Friday is definitely a no no amongst college students.

freshpopcorn

The Pheasant2 wrote: »

Actively requesting to schedule things on a Friday is definitely a no no amongst college students.

I'd really agree with this. Often Thursday nights are popular for students and they don't want to have an exam/assement the next morning. Also when I was in college people used often take Fridays off/head home for the weekend. I know when I was in college if somebody suggested having an exam on Friday morning loads of people/even the lectures would have sniggered at the idea.
Also, you might be a little over sensitive. Everywhere you go people will joke behind your back/gossip/comment if they notice that you did something silly. Doctors/teachers/Garda's/Celebrities/almost every experience this. All you can do is egnore it.

Rubberchikken

Just ignore them. Tbh they sound immature and silly. Not worth bothering about.

At leadt you had the co on to actually speak up and give an answer. So what if it was friday, which does sound untouchable according to some students;)

Cause is Right

The Pheasant2 wrote: »

Actively requesting to schedule things on a Friday is definitely a no no amongst college students.

Thanks for your answer, but I think the actual day of the week is beside the point here. You'd understand what I mean if you were there.

And as a matter of fact, it was Thursday that I suggested. I just randomly picked a day of the week when typing the post, because I'd never have expected people to get caught up on the actual day!

Cause is Right

Mike747 wrote: »

Are you a mature student?

Why? Are you implying that stupid behaviour is normal for people in their early 20s? And I'm the one with the problem by being too grown up?

I'm 23, so perhaps I'd be 2 years older than the rest would be.

king_of_inismac

You sound like a sensitive soul. Not everyone is like you (unfortunately).

Here's a useful saying "You can either try to carpet the world, or wear slippers"

You can't change the fact that people will be rude or insensitive. You can change how you choose to react to them. The good side of growing older is knowing you don't have to include people like them in your life. Surround yourself with positive people (there's lots of them) and leave the others to their own devices.

Mike747

Cause is Right wrote: »

Why? Are you implying that stupid behaviour is normal for people in their early 20s? And I'm the one with the problem by being too grown up?

I'm 23, so perhaps I'd be 2 years older than the rest would be.

I expected you to be in you 40s and be one of those annoying mature students who sits in the front row and bombards the lecturer with inane questions. These are the kind of people who are shocked when people in their late teens/early twenties aren't as mature as themselves.

In your case I don't know. Perhaps you are paranoid/have unwarranted self importance? If you're really upset by all this maybe you should complain to the SU that you're being bullied.

Cause is Right

Mike747 wrote: »

I expected you to be in you 40s and be one of those annoying mature students who sits in the front row and bombards the lecturer with inane questions. These are the kind of people who are shocked when people in their late teens/early twenties aren't as mature as themselves.

Yeah but often without those mature students, if the lecturer asked the class a question, no one would have a word to say. They're all shy

And if the fast majority of the rest of them payed for their tuition, they'd be more inclined to sit nearer to the front.

freshpopcorn

Cause is Right wrote: »

We're all in our finalized courses for 3rd year and a lot of us are new to each other. The other day our demonstrator asked us what day would it suit for us the come back to collect the results of the experiment. Everyone else stayed silent as I then said "Friday" loud enough to make sure it was heard, as that was the day that suited me. The guy opposite me then laughed as he looked at the girl next to him, to make me to like an idiot for saying that. The girl then laughed too. Perhaps he hadn't heard what the demonstrator said, and thought I just randomly said Friday. Or maybe he thought it was rude to say it like that. Anyway, I was insulted at this, as they just looked at each and laughed when they knew that I could hear. Not a nice feeling. I didn't do anything, since it was so unexpected. I know they're not confrontational, more the nasty behind your back type, so perhaps I should have just said straight out, "that's rude guys, I can hear ye!"

Well maybe you blurted it out quite loud and they just had a giggle. Are you even sure they were talking about you? The world doesn't revolve around you.

Cause is Right wrote: »

That's a typical unhelpful reply.

That poster actually gave you very good advice. The way you replied kind of shows you might have an attitude problem.

Cause is Right wrote: »

Thanks for your answer, but I think the actual day of the week is beside the point here. You'd understand what I mean if you were there.

Ans as a matter of fact, it was Thursday that I suggested. I just randomly picked a day of the week when typing the post, because I'd never expected people to get caught up on the actual day!

The day of the week is very important and may have had a impact on this situation.

Cause is Right wrote: »

Why? Are you implying that stupid behaviour is normal for people in their early 20s? And I'm the one with the problem by being too grown up?

I'm 23, so perhaps I'd be 2 years older than the rest would be.

Yet again another smart answer. Younger students/mature students generally act diffently in college. Often there circumstances are different because of there age.

Cause is Right

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Yet again another smart answer.

That answer was called for. Get down off your high horse.

Everyone calm down please and don't have a go at each other, OP included. This is for advice and if you have a problem please report the post

thanks

chicorytip

OP, you have what is known as a"super sensitive" disposition and should undertake a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). Best of luck.

Whispered

As respectfully as possible op, you seem very defensive. You've read into the negativity more than any of the positive replies so far on this thread and replied accordingly. If this is typical of how you feel about people maybe the issue isn't with your fellow students, rather how you're reading the situation. I'd be pretty similar in that I often feel people think the worse of me and I can be over sensitive in some situations. Try letting it go, it's really not important. If they were sniggering over nothing do you really care what people, who are that immature, think? If they weren't, you're annoying yourself over nothing.

Easier said than done, but try relax about it. It's not important enough to be upset about.

skallywag

indigo twist wrote: »

Yes, it's immature for grown adults to be sniggering and whispering in class like that...

I thought this thread was about college students?

OP, you are taking this far too personally and over analysing it.

tigerballs

No, you are not being sensitive OP. You are just in the unfortunate position of being in the same class as two d#icks who think it is OK to bully somebody in a cowardly passive aggressive manner.
The thing about passive aggressive behaviour is that it is so underhanded and indirect that it can easily be denied when questioned.
Call them on it. Bullies are cowards who will usually back right down when their 'victim' stands up to them.

cat_dog

tigerballs wrote: »

No, you are not being sensitive OP. You are just in the unfortunate position of being in the same class as two d#icks who think it is OK to bully somebody in a cowardly passive aggressive manner.
The thing about passive aggressive behaviour is that it is so underhanded and indirect that it can easily be denied when questioned.
Call them on it. Bullies are cowards who will usually back right down when their 'victim' stands up to them.

Yeah, it's very possible they are passive aggressive bullies. I dont think it's fair to dismiss OP concerns and call him oversensitive. Best thing to do is ignore them though.... dont 'stand up to them' either you dont want to show that you're bothered by their comments/actions. That would be letting them win Just focus on completing your course. Good luck

kunst nugget

cat_dog wrote: »

Yeah, it's very possible they are passive aggressive bullies. I dont think it's fair to dismiss OP concerns and call him oversensitive. Best thing to do is ignore them though.... dont 'stand up to them' either you dont want to show that you're bothered by their comments/actions. That would be letting them win Just focus on completing your course. Good luck

Tbf, the OP hasn't given us anything concrete to say that they couple were saying anything about him just that they were laughing amongst themselves and presuming he was the reason for it. In fact, they only definite instance of rudeness I can see in his post is when he called them idiots. Hardly advice gleaned from 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'.

OP, you seem to be a tad paranoid, maybe for good reason - I don't know, but there's nothing to be gained from fighting with this couple. You'll just look like an arsehole stooping to their level and confronting them if they are in fact sniggering at you. Best ignore and get on with your life. I'll be honest, given your replies on this thread, you have seem to come across overtly hostile - that's not something that's really going to be of benefit to you in life. Learn to relax and maybe work on your people skills.