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Prospects

  • 27-09-2014 5:03pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    im in a LTR for 5 years now. We're in love, I don't relax unless I'm around my OH, I live to make them happy, safe & secure. When we met I was just finished college, OH was half way through college. Move on 5 years and I've been working continuously, OH has moved from one course to another, I think 4 so far with a year spent on the social. This is attributed to difficulties with lecturers, no prospects in the field, classmates, no interest in the field, anxiety and other reasons.
    This means we're single income; no hope of mortgage, things like visiting my sibling in Canada are not an option, stuck with an old banger of a car. I sought counselling when I went through a stressful time but had to give that up as couldn't afford it. It stresses me out, on top of work and other personal stresses, it can get too much. I experience depression, insomnia, low energy, mood swings etc.

    My question is, do you think it is OK to not be happy being the sole earner in a relationship? Or is that bordering on gold-digger territory? What do you do when it's not resolved through discussion?


Comments

  • #2
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    I just worry about someone who's so dependent on their OH. Why can you not relax when you're not around them? You say you live to make them happy, safe and secure. Sounds to me like an unhealthy dynamic and you're the enabler in it.


  • #3
    KatarinaSage21
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2 ✭KatarinaSage21


    Hi Op,

    I agree with what's said above, it sounds like you're enabling your OH. Why would he want to go out and work when, in his mind, he has no need to? It sounds as though you're doing a lot of the giving in the relationship and are getting nothing (or very little) back.
    It sounds like your OH doesn't know what he wants out of life or even if he wants a career. Have you tried sitting him down and expressing your concerns to him? Explained to him your financial fears and even your desire to see your sibling in Canada? If not, then that might kick him into gear a bit. He may be seeing life through rose-tinted glasses and is not really seeing or fully understanding how bad things are for you or even you both as a couple.
    In regards to the counselling, have you tried talking to your GP? He might be able to give you some options for free or at least tax-refundable counselling. It sounds like you're at your wits end with the whole situation and I really feel for you.

    To answer your questions, it is completely OK to feel unhappy being the sole-earner in this situation. You are making all the effort with your OH making little to none. As for what to do when it's not resolved through discussion? There's not much you can do in my opinion. He's a full grown man, you can't force him to do anything. If you're really not happy then don't stay in an unhappy situation. As I said earlier, try to really explain all your concerns. Not just in passing comment but really sit him down and explain your concerns. The rest is up to him.

    I really hope things get better for you.


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