23 Year old male, strong desire/instinct to have kids.. am I weird?

LegacyUser

23 Year old male, strong desire/instinct to have kids - am I strange, weird etc.?

I am a normal, everyday, outgoing 23 year old male. I have a strong group of friends, in to most things young twenty-some-things are in too. Not currently in a relationship, but have, at least in the past, a healthy sex life. It's been a bit quite on that front for the past few months, due to my own personal development etc. and im more than ok with that, taking some time to reflect and be with myself etc.

for the past year or so, i have this EXTREME desire, and i say extreme because for some reason its always on my mind.. about having a family, kids and a wife etc.. i look at young mothers with babies and get that warm fuzzy feeling inside, i am attracted and driven to woman with babies, it's like this basic instinct kicking in etc..

I dream of having kids, quite soon, and lots of 'em.. -- i say this to friends and i get laughed at, they think im joking but really i am not. They say that i am waay too young to be thinking that way, but i cant help it, its like a primeval urge or something :P

bottom line, is it strange for me to be thinking like this? should i try and forget about it?

zombieHanalei

A bit unusual perhaps given your age, but not weird! Weird/strange implies that it's bad, and there is nothing negative/wrong here. It's only weird if you make it weird or if it negatively impacts upon your every day life in some way.

It's just human nature to want kids at the end of the day, we all get there at different times, some are thinking about it when they're teenagers, some don't feel ready until their late 30's and so on. But I think what you're feeling is normal.

And to counter my "bit unusual" comment; go back a generation or two before us, it was quite common for people to have at least one (sometimes 2+) kid(s) by the time they were 23!

Neyite

I've been broody since my teens, and because I'm female, nobody would bat an eyelid. A bit more unusual for a guy, but there is nothing wrong with wanting kids.

Do you babysit any nieces or nephews though? You might find that the work involved in minding a squad might be surprising. I loved minding my niblings but was glad to be able to go out with my friends too at that age. But babysitting them once in a while did help with the broodyness.

LegacyUser

There's nothing really weird about your desires but it is a lot younger than the average age people have kids here in Ireland. So presuming you're in Ireland it is a bit unusual but nothing inherently weird or bad about it if it is just a natural urge that has come along without cause.

Sometimes though, this urge could come along for some other reasons that might need to be looked at if that's the case.
I have never wanted kids, but suddenly with both my parents passed away in my early twenties, for about a year after I lost my second parent, I had a really really strong urge to have a baby with my long term boyfriend.
This was weird to me so I really thought hard about why this was happening out of the blue.

I think in some way I was distracting myself with the idea of this beautiful little person that could fill this massive, painful, gaping void I felt in my life. All I could feel was pain and loss and emptiness and even though I appeared to have gotten back to being happy and normal on the surface, I still felt such extreme emptiness deep down and all I could think about was having this little baby that I would love so much and who would love me so much, and that I would name after my mum if she was a girl. I had dreams in my head of little outfits, and how we would help child with homework, encourage them in art and sports, how christmas would be so nice and cuddly, basically the whole sha'bang of broody thoughts!

Thankfully because I recognized early on that this was completely opposite to everything I have ever believed in or wanted, I realised that it was just some odd version of grief that I hoped would pass. I continued to take my contraception religiously, never really spoke about these feelings and just carried on as usual. Over the space of about a year these feelings did disappear again.

I am thankful that they did, because I am someone who has never wanted kids and even now still believe that I may never want kids. Not because I don't like them but I just prefer my life without them. Getting pregnant at a time like that would have been for all the wrong reasons as I don't think I was in a healthy frame of mind to make such decisions.
I still feel that emptiness and void and always will, but I no longer want a baby to fill it.

So if you think your feelings may have suddenly arisen as a result of a loss in your life of some sort, even a relationship loss, then I would just think carefully and move slowly.

Otherwise if you think it is just a natural urge with no negative underlying cause, then I think it's ok!

Obviously same advice applies would apply to all people wanting kids especially if young.
-find a partner who you love just for them alone first, and try not to settle for someone you're not fully in love with just because they want to have a baby with you at a young age too.
- if you are interested in world travel, then maybe try to get some of that out of your system first.
- try to make sure you and a future partner are in a responsible position education and/or career wise, financially, emotionally ready etc. I know plenty of babies are born without these things and turn out fine and happy, but ideally I think most parents would want these things for their kids if they are still in the position of being able to make responsible choices.

I'm sure you know all those things already, so I'd say maybe just give it a little more time to consider and see if you still feel the same in 6 months time or even a year.
If you still feel the same then I don't really see anything wrong with you having a child at a youngish age if it's something you really want and have a partner who wants the same. Your enthusiasm for it is heartwarming to read, and I'm sure you would really do your best to be a good father.

So I think as long as your reasons and your situation are good there's nothing "weird" about it.

LegacyUser

My brother's been broody since at least 23. He's always loved babies. He'd be a fantastic Dad.

He had the good sense to wait for the right woman though, and married at 32, like most men in Ireland. Sadly, they subsequently discovered that she had endometriosis, and will need a huge amount of surgical help to have a child.

So far after IVF and surgery, no joy. But we all still have hope.

The important thing is that he still chose wisely as they're the best of pals and have a great life together.

Keep that in mind. Babies may or may not come. But the right partner is forever. So focus less on babies, and more on companionship.