Problem Drinker

LegacyUser

I have come to realise over time that I fall into the category of a problem drinker.

I have never felt the urge to drink on a daily basis. I am however prone to bouts of crippling depression, the worst of which resulted in the loss of my job, my fiancee and nearly my life.

After a short hospitalisation and a long period of psychotherapy and anti-depressants, I thought I was through it although I could always feel it lurking at the back of my mind, i had believed I had mastered it and could control both my depression and my alcohol abuse.

Roll forward a few years and suddenly there it is again. This sickness in my head looms large again and all I want to do is to drink again for a bit of escapism with my old friend beer.

I have no idea how I got home on Friday or what I did, the general feeling of anger and disgust at myself is ever present now.

My situation has changed a lot recently, I got married and started living with my wife for the first time (We both had houses, I got rid of mine and moved into hers) To be honest, I'm finding the whole process stressful beyond belief. She is very particular about how she likes things and seems to spend all her time scolding me. She has a temper and when it is up Im terrified to even talk to her. It really has worn me down.

But to be honest, I don't know if this is the cause of my drinking or if I am using it as an excuse. I rarely drink and have been drunk less than a dozen times in the past 4 years. 4 of which I struggled to recover afterwards.

Exercise helps but I haven't had the time or motivation the past week which I believe is a contributing factor.

My last relationship ended because of my drinking and depression. I don't want this one to go up in smoke because of it.

My productivity in work is down, my wife is beyond angry with me. I don't know how to talk to her about the things I have issues with. (Her rules, Her temper, My drinking, My depression, My fears)

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How should I proceed with this?

Merkin

It seems that you have the urge to abuse alcohol when going through a depressive episode so I think your first port of call in the morning would be to go and see your GP. You don't say if you're being treated for your depression or not but you've obviously hit a low and it's imperative that you go and seek/review treatment in order to tackle this squall that you have hit. As for Friday, what's done is done and no amount of beating yourself up about it is going to help matters. Please go and see your GP and tackle the root of the problem first.

iusedtoknow

Alcohol is also a depressant, which can be hideous when you are in a bout of depression...it's a vicious circle. I am prone to depression/anxiety and do not drink - any more. I was also a problem drinker and gave up when I was faced with the possibility of losing my GF and the life we had built together. It's been nearly 4 years and my anxiety and depression, while still present are much more manageable without drink.

Go to the doctor in the morning - they have the resources at hand to help you. From CBT to resources that can help you curb the drink...your doctor will have it at their fingertips.

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

It seems that you have the urge to abuse alcohol when going through a depressive episode so I think your first port of call in the morning would be to go and see your GP. You don't say if you're being treated for your depression or not but you've obviously hit a low and it's imperative that you go and seek/review treatment in order to tackle this squall that you have hit. As for Friday, what's done is done and no amount of beating yourself up about it is going to help matters. Please go and see your GP and tackle the root of the problem first.

I stopped getting treatment around 3 years ago and until this past few weeks I've been fine.

Antidepressants were hell for me so not keen to go down that route.

At the moment Im at home, I apologised profusely to my wife and tried to explain what I have been going through the past week or so. She's still too angry to listen, I just finished cleaning the house for something to do and to try and make amends. She doesnt seem to care at the moment to be honest.

iusedtoknow

Problem Drinker wrote: »

I stopped getting treatment around 3 years ago and until this past few weeks I've been fine.

Antidepressants were hell for me so not keen to go down that route.

At the moment Im at home, I apologised profusely to my wife and tried to explain what I have been going through the past week or so. She's still too angry to listen, I just finished cleaning the house for something to do and to try and make amends. She doesnt seem to care at the moment to be honest.

Cleaning the house won't make up for it - she is thinking..."he's sorry now, and he'll be sorry the next time as well".

You need help, making amends doesn't happen with cleaning the kitchen, it's by long term changes that don't happen over night. It took my GF (now wife) a year until she stopped worrying about me drinking again.

LegacyUser

iusedtoknow wrote: »

Cleaning the house won't make up for it - she is thinking..."he's sorry now, and he'll be sorry the next time as well".

You need help, making amends doesn't happen with cleaning the kitchen, it's by long term changes that don't happen over night. It took my GF (now wife) a year until she stopped worrying about me drinking again.

Couldn't agree more. I just needed to do something to stop making me feel sorry for myself.

I think its about time that I chatted with my old counselor. Ill make an appointment for during the week first thing tomorrow.

Merkin

Problem Drinker wrote: »

I stopped getting treatment around 3 years ago and until this past few weeks I've been fine.

Antidepressants were hell for me so not keen to go down that route.

At the moment Im at home, I apologised profusely to my wife and tried to explain what I have been going through the past week or so. She's still too angry to listen, I just finished cleaning the house for something to do and to try and make amends. She doesnt seem to care at the moment to be honest.

I'm not a medical professional and I thankfully don't have personal experience of antidepressants but I do know that seeking help early when going through a depressive episode is the best thing you can do. As you know, depression can really take a hold and medication can take a couple of weeks to really rake effect so seeing a professional early is important. There are a whole plethora of options for you, from CBT to other therapies so please go and speak to a professional and then decide with them on what the best steps for you are.

Rubberchikken

It's sad that the one person you should be able to turn to for support is just spending her time angry with you.
Would she be able to put her anger aside and talk with you.

You've done well before to conquer drink and you can do it again but you need help. Talking to your gp would be a help too.

Good luck

LegacyUser

Rubberchikken wrote: »

It's sad that the one person you should be able to turn to for support is just spending her time angry with you.
Would she be able to put her anger aside and talk with you.

You've done well before to conquer drink and you can do it again but you need help. Talking to your gp would be a help too.

Good luck

Anger is subsiding, we will see how she is when she gets home from work. Made appointment with my old counselor today. Feels like I'm treading old ground in some ways but at least its something.

Big Bag of Chips

How much does your wife know about what you are dealing with? Do you tell her? If she doesn't know, and all she sees is you moping around, then how is she to know? I think you do need to seek help, buy you need to ask your wife for help too. Let her know how you are feeling. Hiding the extent of it from her is not going to help. If she knows and just doesn't care, then that is a different story. Buy from what you have posted I get the impression that your wife doesn't really know your history, or what you are going through now.

Open up to her.

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

How much does your wife know about what you are dealing with? Do you tell her? If she doesn't know, and all she sees is you moping around, then how is she to know? I think you do need to seek help, buy you need to ask your wife for help too. Let her know how you are feeling. Hiding the extent of it from her is not going to help. If she knows and just doesn't care, then that is a different story. Buy from what you have posted I get the impression that your wife doesn't really know your history, or what you are going through now.

Open up to her.

She knows my history, and knows how bad it got. Its a bit of a mess at the moment to be honest, She is still angry and is seeing my reaching out to her as an excuse for my actions and not as what I intend them to be, which is in some ways a cry for a little help and support.

She can be quite stern sometimes which is good for me as it keeps me grounded but she has a much easier time communicating negativity than positivity.

I brought up the subject of seeing my old counsellor last night, she was quite guarded about it. It could just be a question of timing, compounded by the fact that my wife doesn't like talking about feelings.

She's of the opinion that this should be the happiest time of our life to date but in reality it's not really, I have a lot of things to get used to, I still feel like a guest in her house rather than a home for the both of us. It is creating tension.

I guess we are still getting used to living with each other.

I'm not expecting everything to be perfect on day one, but there are things I'm not happy with, Just finding it hard to express them without making her upset or defensive.

LegacyUser

Problem Drinker wrote: »

Anger is subsiding, we will see how she is when she gets home from work. Made appointment with my old counselor today. Feels like I'm treading old ground in some ways but at least its something.

Anger is gone. I need to have a chat tonight about some of my concerns. Hopefully it will go well.