My search seems to be opening a can of worms

sean1976

Let me first introduce myself I was born on the 9th November 1976 in St. Munchins maternity hospital. I have never been legally adopted but was in long term foster care.
The reason I have opened this thread is to try and get some understanding of how my situation turned out like it has.
I began to search for my birth mother in 1997, but got no were and so put it out of my mind and got on with raising my own family. But as time moved on and my own kids started to grow I decided to start my search as I felt there was always something missing. So in 2012 i requested under the FOI access to my file, as I was never adopted but fostered I was under the care of the the health board. Surprising to say the file I got back contained absolutely nothing about me or my birth mother and came to only 9 pages most of which were details of my requests for information in 1997 and the criteria my foster parents had to meet (which is quite laughable the 3 main criterias they had to meet was can they supply me with fresh water and how far the school and church are). I wrote an appeal to the deciding officer showing that my file does not make sense as I was under the state care and the foster family were receiving an income from the state for my up keep. Got a very snotty reply tell me tough **** that's all you are getting (not in those words but I'm sure you know what I mean).
So with my birth cert I moved into the GRO to start searching and after many days I had narrowed it down to 5 possible people and so this year I again requested my file from the HSE. And I will say the person I dealt with was a lovely woman who really tried for me. She called me before releasing the file to tell me that there was nothing at all about my birth mother and that she is really surprised about that as normally their is information about the birth mother.
So here I was stuck again needing just some piece of information to confirm who my BM was. So with that I decided to seek my file from the maternity hospital which I got and it had the address of my BM on it. (God help her it was a terrible birth, forceps delivery and the cord was wrapped 4 times around my neck). On the file it had clearly marked on each page 'for adoption' and it is here I'm trying to get the answers.
First off I left the hospital on the 24th November I was collected by my carer who was a social worker, where was I placed until my long term foster family took me in as I didn't arrive to them till the end of June 1978?
2nd as the medical file clearly states I was for adoption why was I never adopted and instead remained with my foster family till I was 18 they also changed my name (not legally which led to many problems when trying to get passport, driving licence and other areas were you need your birth cert) and who made this decision and why?
3rd how come there are no files or paperwork about my placement considering the state was paying a weekly income to the foster family?
I am still searching for my BM, but the fact that the health board has misled or destroyed my recordeds or even worse did not keep them has made me wonder how many more people were treated in this way and why as no one ever been held to account for this.

Moonbeam

Was your birth mother married?
That is an awful situation.
Did your foster family not have info about your birth mother?

sean1976

Moonbeam wrote: »

Was your birth mother married?
That is an awful situation.
Did your foster family not have info about your birth mother?

No she was not married. My foster mother is of no help and is refusing to speak or explain the truth to me. What I find strange is She was able to find out details of my friend who was legally adopted but for some strange reason was not able to tell me anything about me. One point I must make is that my foster mother was not related to my BM

Moonbeam

So she knows but will not tell you?
There might be a story behind it and she is afraid to share it.

Have you tried asking aunties or uncles?

sean1976

Moonbeam wrote: »

So she knows but will not tell you?
There might be a story behind it and she is afraid to share it.

Have you tried asking aunties or uncles?

Yes I have spoken to them, unfortunately it seems my placement was financial for her and prestige. I have spoken to an aunt who also fosters and still does and she told informed me that her and my foster mother always spoke about the kids and their backgrounds that they fostered pre adoption, but when it came to me she didn't tell her anything about me and that it all seemed hush hush when it came to me. Unfortunately I was told I was a cute baby who came from a certain background and it was because of this she decided to keep me without adopting me. Again unfortunately the household I was reared in was not a happy one.

Ghekko

That must be frustrating beyond belief! Out of the women you have narrowed it down to, have you thought about making contact with any of them? If you told your foster parents you were about to make contact do you think it would spur them to telling you more? It's difficult to know where to go from here but it does sound like they know more than they are letting on.

Nekarsulm

If I read your post correctly, you have the address of your Birth Mother, at the time of your birth, but not her name? 1976 is not that long ago, have you visited the address?
You have 5 possible names, can you link any of these to that address?

sean1976

Nekarsulm wrote: »

If I read your post correctly, you have the address of your Birth Mother, at the time of your birth, but not her name? 1976 is not that long ago, have you visited the address?
You have 5 possible names, can you link any of these to that address?

I have only received the medical reports this week and the address on it is after further reading the address they used for me. I have my BM as it's on my birthcert . I spent a lot of time in the GRO tracing all the names on my birth cert it was here I narrowed it down , and yes one of these is linked to the area. I did make conntact her using a letter that would only be understood by my BM, the person I contacted then replied to me and asked me to ring her, when I did I asked her unfortunately she said it wasn't her. So now I'm back to square one

Hermy

If you have an address you could check the Thom's Directory's for the years 1975-77 to see if that gives up any clues. There's a set in Pearse Street Library and Tallaght Library that I know of. And there are old phone books for that period in the National Library. The Adoption Rights Alliance may also have some of these books also.

sean1976

Ghekko wrote: »

That must be frustrating beyond belief! Out of the women you have narrowed it down to, have you thought about making contact with any of them? If you told your foster parents you were about to make contact do you think it would spur them to telling you more? It's difficult to know where to go from here but it does sound like they know more than they are letting on.

Yes unfortunately I agree with you my foster father had died a number of years ago I had told my foster mother many times that I was looking but got no information from her. Another thing about it was she was friends with the person who was in charge of placements (information I have received from a source inside the HSE informed me that this person played god with children's lives and was quiet disparaging about the kids and their parents that were entrusted to her departments care and it is her files that are missing that contain all my information). It was because of this person I was never adopted. When I asked the question to my foster mother why she never adopted me she informed me that said person told her to leave it as it is, and so I remained in foster care from a baby till I left my foster mother's house at 18

sean1976

Hermy wrote: »

If you have an address you could check the Thom's Directory's for the years 1975-77 to see if that gives up any clues. There's a set in Pearse Street Library and Tallaght Library that I know of. And there are old phone books for that period in the National Library. The Adoption Rights Alliance may also have some of these books also.

Thanks I didn't think of that. I will be back in Dublin on Monday so I will go straight to the NL, thankfully my readers card is still in date.

Hermy

That's good that you know your way around the National Library. They will obviously have Thom's Directory's so you may just find something that moves you on a step.

I think they may also have access to the Irish Newspaper Archive which may also be of help.

sean1976

Hermy wrote: »

That's good that you know your way around the National Library. They will obviously have Thom's Directory's so you may just find something that moves you on a step.

I think they may also have access to the Irish Newspaper Archive which may also be of help.

I have full access in TCD libary so I might spend some time on there using there newspaper archive. thanks for that.

Nekarsulm

Hi Sean, did your original birth cert have your birth mum's parents names and occupations? And have you investigated these in the births, marriages, and deaths files?

Also, of course the person you spoke to may not have told you the full truth, or perhaps you birth mothers address could actually have been an aunts address. There are a lot of possibilities.

The address you have, is it in an urban or rural area?

Ghekko

Birth certs won't have grandparents names on them. You would need to be looking at birth mothers birth cert for that info. It's a shame your foster mother wasn't forthcoming with information and as for the wagon who organised the fostering, she needs a kick where the sun don't shine!!

sean1976

Nekarsulm wrote: »

Hi Sean, did your original birth cert have your birth mum's parents names and occupations? And have you investigated these in the births, marriages, and deaths files?

Also, of course the person you spoke to may not have told you the full truth, or perhaps you birth mothers address could actually have been an aunts address. There are a lot of possibilities.

The address you have, is it in an urban or rural area?

It's a rural area, yes I have researched all the names their parents, grandparents, marriages, compared addresses through the generations to find a link. I am nearly 95% sure I know who it is but with out my file I can not find the final clue

sean1976

Ghekko wrote: »

Birth certs won't have grandparents names on them. You would need to be looking at birth mothers birth cert for that info. It's a shame your foster mother wasn't forthcoming with information and as for the wagon who organised the fostering, she needs a kick where the sun don't shine!!

I was told some of the comments that she wrote on some files and trust me a kick where the sun doesn't shine would not even come close to what should have been done to here.

Ghekko

Maybe you could ask adoption rights alliance for help in going forward when you are so close. They might have some advice as to whether you should contact this woman directly.

Nekarsulm

Ghekko wrote: »

Birth certs won't have grandparents names on them. You would need to be looking at birth mothers birth cert for that info. It's a shame your foster mother wasn't forthcoming with information and as for the wagon who organised the fostering, she needs a kick where the sun don't shine!!

You are quite correct, Ghekko. I just had a fresh look at my B. cert. In my case my maternal grandmother was listed as the Informing party, and her home address was listed. N.

rinsjwind

Hi Sean

Bit of a long shot, but have you tried the tracing unit in the adoption authority? They might have a record of your prospective adoption even if no adoption subsequently happened. Like I say, a long shot but you never know until you ask?

They might also be able to suggest ways of accessing support in tracing and contacting people in such circumstances (it's what they do!) and the guys on here and in the ARA can provide sound advice on that as well.

AAI number is 01-2309300.

Good luck.

Rins

Ghekko

Nekarsulm wrote: »

You are quite correct, Ghekko. I just had a fresh look at my B. cert. In my case my maternal grandmother was listed as the Informing party, and her home address was listed. N.

Wish dhs had that info. The informant was a hospital staff member, same guy as on my own. We were born in same hospital in west, but for 40 years he thought he was originally a Dub! His adoptive mum also assumed he was born in Dublin as he had been transferred to St Pats after he was born. Guess they didn't ask many questions back then.

Nekarsulm

I though I was a Dub as well! Because the adoption order was signed, and adopted persons birth cert was issued in Dublin. So place of birth was listed as Dublin. I was a home birth i think, and therefore the original cert had the townland listed. so I can cheer DonegAl tomorrow !

goat2

hopefully your mom is also looking for you, since she seemed to have no choice at the time, and tracing is made harder because of the person who did wrong to you both