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Not in Love

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  • 17-09-2014 12:16pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've been seeing a girl for about 7-8 months now. Dating for the first 3 and official for the rest. She told me early enough on that she loves me. I haven't said it.

    The thing is I'm not sure that I do. In fact I can say that I don't and am not sure if a day will come that I do. I really like her, enjoy spending time with her but I can see it's starting to really annoy her that when she tells me that she loves me I dont say it back.

    A lot of my friends are moving into serious relationships now (all entering their 30s) and in some cases they're doing it only because they feel they have to start a family, have kids, etc. quickly.

    I dont feel that same pressure at all and would be happy enough to continue not moving in that direction for a few years.

    So what I'm really asking is am I wasting my time in a relationship where love may not happen? Am I wasting her time?

    Thought, comments, suggestions all welcome.

    Thanks!
    Tagged:


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    #2
    miamee
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional East Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 12,021 Mod ✭✭✭✭miamee


    If you are sure that you do not love her now, what do you think will change that? If you haven't fallen for her after 7-8 months of going out and can't imagine it happening then it is unlikely that it is going to happen in the future IMO. You are wasting both of your time but especially hers as she is not aware of the full situation. Can you imagine being without her? If she broke up with you tomorrow, how much would it upset you and affect you? If the answer is "not much" then I think you have your answer.


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    #3
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    after 7 - 8 months you should have an idea whether you think you love her or not. It sounds like you enjoy her friendship and have great respect for her, but I do think you are wasting her time and maybe you should evaluate your relationship, if you are just waiting for "love to happen" it might never, and that's time lost.
    By the way I admire the fact that you didn't tell her you love her if you don't truly feel it, its such an abused word and should only be used with 100% certainty.


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    #4
    mrty
    Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭mrty


    testinguser4325 wrote: »
    I've been seeing a girl for about 7-8 months now. Dating for the first 3 and official for the rest. She told me early enough on that she loves me. I haven't said it.

    The thing is I'm not sure that I do. In fact I can say that I don't and am not sure if a day will come that I do. I really like her, enjoy spending time with her but I can see it's starting to really annoy her that when she tells me that she loves me I dont say it back.

    A lot of my friends are moving into serious relationships now (all entering their 30s) and in some cases they're doing it only because they feel they have to start a family, have kids, etc. quickly.

    I dont feel that same pressure at all and would be happy enough to continue not moving in that direction for a few years.

    So what I'm really asking is am I wasting my time in a relationship where love may not happen? Am I wasting her time?

    Thought, comments, suggestions all welcome.

    Thanks!

    Not at all man, fair play to ye, you're only honest. Rare these days, no point telling her something that's not true. It may hurt her a bit that you don't feel the same (yet), but I'm sure it would be worse to find out down the line that you don't love her. At least you're not a coward I'm sure she'll appreciate that some day.


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    #5
    Cerveja69
    Site Banned Posts: 65 ✭✭Cerveja69


    I was in the exact same position as you a few years ago. We were together about 8 months and worked together so I had to see him everyday.

    He knew I had this dream of going to New York and Boston and one night he surprised me by telling me he'd booked us flights for a 3 week trip in a few months time. That same night he said I love you.

    I knew then that I didn't love him (loved the idea of going to NY though!!) and that I never would. I really liked him and thought he was a lovely guy but I couldn't picture myself ever feeling that deeply for him so I ended it.
    He asked me straight out if I loved him and I said no.

    It was hard and horrible hurting someone like that but in the longterm I did him a favour. I went on to meet the love of my life and I believe he did too as I recently saw a picture of him on facebook on a beach on his honeymoon and he never looked happier. He would never have had that with me.

    Do yourself and her a favour and finish it. She'll be hurt but will respect your integrity (in time!).


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