Alcoholic aunt

LegacyUser

This may be long, so thank you to everyone who reads and replies.

My aunt (we're all a close family) is an alcoholic. She has been since she was a teenager.

Numerous suicide attempts, and she has bipolar with psychosis.

She has been sectioned more times than we can count, she has been to every rehab around, including the Rutland, and still can't get clean. She was taken off sleeping pills after becoming addicted to them, and is now taking double doses of her lithium, and drinking on top of it. She's barred from every pub where she lives, but still drinks, to the point of regularly blacking out. Her doctor has told her she'll be dead in 6 months.

Is there anything her sisters can do? She's been dry for 6 months at a time in rehab and after being sectioned, but as soon as she's out, she's back on the drink.

She was a psychiatric nurse for years and has learned how to play the system to get out, after being sectioned.

Her husband is a bit useless. Not in a bad way, but because he's broken
She beats him regularly when drunk, and he can't deal with her anymore


So, as I'm clueless - are there any places that can help? Is there anything her 11 siblings can do, legally, as her husband has completely given up, but is her next of kin and makes medical decisions for her?

Is there anything at all we can do? She's been sectioned more times than I can count, been to rehab more times than I can count, and it has never worked. What else is out there? Is there a way of getting her to a treatment facility in the US? Money is not an issue at all, they have millions in the bank, but her husband stands in the way

The_Conductor

It sounds like the key to unlocking this is to get her husband onboard- which he isn't at the moment. Get him onboard- and then research the outside the box therapies in the US and elsewhere.

Here- she has learnt how to play the system. She needs to be put in a system she is unfamiliar with- and doesn't know how to play........

I'm not going to suggest any particular therapy- as I'd be risking breaking the forum charter here- however, there are therapies available overseas which have proven useful in similar similar circumstances where family members had given up.

Get her husband onboard- thats the first step.

December2012

The more pressing issue is that she is abusing your uncle.

Get him to contact Amen.

LegacyUser

Hi!

I'm in an identical situation (alcoholism, depression, psychosis, rehab, arrests, emergency hospital visits, brain damage, destruction and despair) except it is my mother. The doctors have told us that there is no hope left for her.

My dad is a broken man also, mostly because she has put them in enormous debt from drink and crazy spending while drunk and failed rehabs. And partly because she is an abusive bitch.

The obvious positive for your family is the money. If it is possible to get her into a long term rehab, it could help. From our experience 4-8 weeks was not long enough to change my mother's thinking. Also, sadly, relatives of other patients brought alcohol into a couple of the rehab centres my mother was in, in Ireland.

In reality though, she won't change her ways if she doesn't want it for herself. Forcing someone into rehab is just a waste of everyone's time and money, no matter how much you have.

Magicmatilda

Honestly unless she wants to get clean and sober she won't. She has been to many rehabs, why do you think one in the states will be different?

I think the best thing you can all do is walk away and leave her be, Al-anon is there to help people in your situation. It may be that you are all enabling her by protecting her from the consequences of her actions.

She may die, I am sorry, I know that thought hurts and I don't mean to be harsh but many people do die of alcoholism because they can't or won't get sober. If she does it will not be your fault nor the fault of her sisters or indeed her husband. It will be the consequences of her own actions.

Also you refer to her husband s useless, he is not useless, he is abused. If they roles were reversed and this was an alcoholic man hitting his wife, would she be useless?

He should leave, no man derserves that.

greengirl31

I hate to say it OP but it sounds like your aunt doesn't want help and no one, with all the will in the world, can make her get clean and sober.

I say this as the daughter of an alcoholic and depressed mother. I worried for years about her. I spoke to her doctors about it but her physiatrist told her i contacted her (which she probably had to in fairness) and this put me on the Sh1t list for a long time. And when I told her GP I was worried about her drinking and taking anti-depressants i was told there was nothing i could do !! so for years i worried that some day, I’d find her dead from a fall or whatever in the house.

But eventually i realised that there was actually nothing i could do. I wasn't equipped to help her and she didn't want to be helped and once i faced that, it was a lot easier to deal with. My mum actually did come around in the end and has been sober for 3 years now but it was only when SHE decided she wanted to stop did it actually happen.

And as for her Husband, i don't blame him one bit - as you say, he's broken and is it any wonder. Maybe focus some effort on helping him out and giving him support - he may be more appreciative of your efforts

Good luck though - this is a heart-breaking situation to be in

heretochat

I have to say that I agree with the two earlier posters. If a person with an addiction (drink, drugs, gambling etc.) does not want help then there is absolutely nothing that anyone can do about it.

You have said yourself that she knows how to "play the system". Does your family really want to go to the financial outlay for "treatment" in the US for someone who does this?

I can see where her husband is coming from given the abuse he has been subjected to as well to be honest. I just wonder has he any family who will take care of him.

I know it is hard to see someone you love going through this but sometimes one needs to accept that there is no more that can be done.