Should I be depressed that a lot of girls don't find me attractive?

jonsnow1901

Quite a lot of people find me unattractive. The majority of these people that find me ugly are on the internet. People don't usually tell me I look bad to my face because they most likely don't want to start a fight with me, however there has been a few times when I overheard a group of girls gossiping about me saying I look retarded. I also heard teenage guys say I look like a monster and horrible stuff like that. It's crazy because it's people I don't even know! The people saying stuff behind my back are mostly teenagers aged 13-19 years old. I think that teens are the most shallow people out there but anyone can be shallow really. I find that a lot of people are really shallow nowadays and want to go out with only good looking people.

I tried approaching girls in the nicest way possible but they end up telling me I'm not their type most likely because of my looks. It's really disappointing but them's the breaks. I got to live with what I have. It'll just be much harder going out, getting girlfriends, friends and jobs. Life's a bitch for some people.

PizzamanIRL

Depression isn't a choice. Don't think 'Ok I'm going to be depressed now because of what they said'

The only choice you have is whether or not you will let them bother you. At the end of the day we're all skeletons underneath the skin and flesh.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

jonsnow1901 wrote: »

Quite a lot of people find me unattractive. The majority of these people that find me ugly are on the internet. People don't usually tell me I look bad to my face because they most likely don't want to start a fight with me, however there has been a few times when I overheard a group of girls gossiping about me saying I look retarded. I also heard teenage guys say I look like a monster and horrible stuff like that. It's crazy because it's people I don't even know! The people saying stuff behind my back are mostly teenagers aged 13-19 years old. I think that teens are the most shallow people out there but anyone can be shallow really. I find that a lot of people are really shallow nowadays and want to go out with only good looking people.

That's proably the most hurtful and desperate-for-attention demographic right there. There is absolutely no way you shold be spending energy on what they think.

I tried approaching girls in the nicest way possible but they end up telling me I'm not their type most likely because of my looks. It's really disappointing but them's the breaks. I got to live with what I have. It'll just be much harder going out, getting girlfriends, friends and jobs. Life's a bitch for some people.

How do you know its becaue of your looks?

I think you may be hanging out in the wrong crowds to be honest. Women are much less likely to be atracted to lookes than men. Women like confidence and a sense of humour, but if you come across as someone who's already fiven uop before you asked, they will sense that.

I get the impression, though, from the last couple of lines, that you're not as lacking on the confidence side as you make out.

You have to get this ideas that you're unattractive and that this is a barrier, out of your head. Because I guarantee you, people who are more unattractive then you (and I'm not saying you're unattractive - I don't know) have gotten girlfriends and had successful relationships.

Tokyo

OP - did you take any of the advice offered to you in your previous thread on this? Seeing as people are offering you good advice here, I'm willing to leave the thread open, however please don't post multiple threads on the same topic in future.

Regards,
Mike

jonsnow1901

PizzamanIRL wrote: »

Depression isn't a choice. Don't think 'Ok I'm going to be depressed now because of what they said'

The only choice you have is whether or not you will let them bother you. At the end of the day we're all skeletons underneath the skin and flesh.

Do you think I can avoid being hampered due to my chaotic looks? how can i avoid being depressed? do you think i can regain my confidence? i was a very good looking child.

jonsnow1901

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

That's proably the most hurtful and desperate-for-attention demographic right there. There is absolutely no way you shold be spending energy on what they think.



How do you know its becaue of your looks?

I think you may be hanging out in the wrong crowds to be honest. Women are much less likely to be atracted to lookes than men. Women like confidence and a sense of humour, but if you come across as someone who's already fiven uop before you asked, they will sense that.

I get the impression, though, from the last couple of lines, that you're not as lacking on the confidence side as you make out.

You have to get this ideas that you're unattractive and that this is a barrier, out of your head. Because I guarantee you, people who are more unattractive then you (and I'm not saying you're unattractive - I don't know) have gotten girlfriends and had successful relationships.

Do you think looking like a gargoyle can be overcome? what steps should i take? i fear my chaotic face will continue to hamper me in daily life.

Mike747

jonsnow1901 wrote: »

Do you think looking like a gargoyle can be overcome? what steps should i take? i fear my chaotic face will continue to hamper me in daily life.

Plastic surgery?

jonsnow1901

Mike747 wrote: »

Plastic surgery?

Is this my only option at this stage? Or it's not my fault that I'm ugly? Just bad genes?

I have another theory. What if it's because I'm two-faced? In some pics and videos I look really awful and in other ones I look more normal so it seems. I'm literally like Jekyll and Hyde. My face changes depending on the moment in time. I seem to have two faces. Why is that? I find it really odd. Is there an explanation or is my ugliness and two-faced idea all in my head because i know im not allowed to post pics or videos but im certain that my face looks chaotic and then some rare times it doesnt look that bad.

bee06

jonsnow1901 wrote: »

Is this my only option at this stage? Or it's not my fault that I'm ugly? Just bad genes?

I have another theory. What if it's because I'm two-faced? In some pics and videos I look really awful and in other ones I look more normal so it seems. I'm literally like Jekyll and Hyde. My face changes depending on the moment in time. I seem to have two faces. Why is that? I find it really odd. Is there an explanation or is my ugliness and two-faced idea all in my head because i know im not allowed to post pics or videos but im certain that my face looks chaotic and then some rare times it doesnt look that bad.

OP, I would guess the reason you look different at different times is because of what's going on in your head rather than on your face. Go talk to your GP.

LegacyUser

Your self esteem sounds like it's well below rock bottom. Until you sort out how you feel about yourself, you're going to stay at rock bottom. I've never seen a thread on boards this insecure before. How you speak about yourself is really sad tbh. Step one to making yourself better is to STOP listening to other people - seriously stop. The people you mention in your post sound really immature and heartless and if you continue to wear the weight of their comments on your shoulders, you are going to be miserable forever.

Pull yourself together and sort out your confidence issues ASAP. Stop saying words like gargoyle and chaotic face.

PizzamanIRL

jonsnow1901 wrote: »

Do you think I can avoid being hampered due to my chaotic looks? how can i avoid being depressed? do you think i can regain my confidence? i was a very good looking child.

Eat Babybel cheese and you will regain your good looks.

Taltos

PizzamanIRL - if you don't have any constructive advice to offer please don't post. PI's charter is strictly followed and posts that breach our rules are dimly viewed.

Thanks
Taltos

Mr. Loverman

There's lots of things you can do to make yourself attractive.

These are all within your control:

1. Nice haircut.
2. Clean skin.
3. Clean shaven.
4. Good hygiene.
5. Nice scent.
6. Stylish clothes.
7. Nice shoes.
8. Good posture.
9. Hot body.
10. Clean, white teeth.

If you do the above, no one will think you are ugly.

Rubberchikken

Have a chat with your gp. The sooner things et sorted the sooner you'll see that there's a worthwhile person under there.

And do not listen to anything 13-19 yo have to say in passing. They do that to get a rise/notice. Ignore them.
Take care

lukesmom

Bet your not half as ugly as you think you are.

Healthis

The OP is actually quite handsome. It's all in his head.

lukesmom

Healthis wrote: »

The OP is actually quite handsome. It's all in his head.

Would love to see a photo

Neyite

lukesmom wrote: »

Bet your not half as ugly as you think you are.

Healthis wrote: »

The OP is actually quite handsome. It's all in his head.

lukesmom wrote: »

Would love to see a photo

This is an advice forum - unless you have advice for the OP, please take any off topic chat to pm. As always, soliciting PM from or to the OP in PI can result in a forum ban.

Healthis

Neyite wrote: »

This is an advice forum - unless you have advice for the OP, please take your chat to pm.

What's the problem with my post exactly. I was complementing the OP. It was a positive gesture.

LegacyUser

Well I have extremely low self esteem and I obsessed daily over how I looked but tbh there is someone out there for everyone regardless of how they look. You may think you look ugly but there are girls that are not all about looks (atleast I hope so). Anyways I got over the whole self obssessing and am in the process of not caring what other people think of me so I grew a beard lol.

So yeah you can improve your appearance somewhat if you want, I personally wouldn't as I don't see the point of changing my looks or dress sense to whom I'm not. If your personality is good then you'll find someone. Try online dating maybe, yes you may get a lot of rejection there but you might get a few good hits.

jonsnow1901

Anonymooooose wrote: »

Well I have extremely low self esteem and I obsessed daily over how I looked but tbh there is someone out there for everyone regardless of how they look. You may think you look ugly but there are girls that are not all about looks (atleast I hope so). Anyways I got over the whole self obssessing and am in the process of not caring what other people think of me so I grew a beard lol.

So yeah you can improve your appearance somewhat if you want, I personally wouldn't as I don't see the point of changing my looks or dress sense to whom I'm not. If your personality is good then you'll find someone. Try online dating maybe, yes you may get a lot of rejection there but you might get a few good hits.

As kid I was a free soul. I had a life. I wasn't afraid to go out and expose myself. I had a lot of activities such as skateboarding, soccer, toys, videos games, movies, swimming, basketball, biking, socializing, partying, and much more. I was very comfortable with my appearance. Yes I had mental problems such as social anxiety even back then, but I never worried about my looks and that's why I was enjoying life and wasn't hiding in my room. I had a pretty good social circle and some girls even found me cute. My point is that I was full of life. I was like Curious George. I had a lot of interest in things. My serotonin levels must of been much higher than they are now and I had a much better memory too. Ever since I hit puberty at around 16-17, my life changed immensely. My friends went their own paths and I started getting perceived as an ugly guy especially on the internet. I became a really lifeless lazy slug that lost interest in doing almost anything. Now I'm locked up in my room using the computer most of the time obsessing over pictures and videos of myself and getting my feelings hurt by complete strangers. I'm wasting my life now.

I think I know what happened. My face got too rugged and mean looking. My face is so low-trust that people don't even want to associate with me anymore. I literally look like a retarded ogre now. That explains why I'm now lonely and get mocked, teased, laughed at, and gossiped about by people. I used to have a cute face. It was high-trust and approachable. Ya, I wasn't the best looking kid ever but I was cute and nowhere near repulsive like I am now. I went from a decent 7/10 to a 1-2/10.

Call Me Jimmy

Your idealisation of your younger self along with your obsession with your appearance and the way you talk about the change around puberty sounds like you COULD have a psychological disorder similar to anorexia called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I am saying this so that you seek a professional opinion on this and IF that were the case you could be treated and free yourself and go on to live a happy and productive life.

Better to find out now than live (or not live) a life under a cloud of delusion.

GerB40

A lot of the posts above are spot on. Personally, I would implore you to see a doctor and tell him/her every last detail... Although a lot of your issues are regarding what other people say, I think most of the problem comes from you and how you see yourself..

Est28

Op,
The majority of people are "average" looking. We're not all stunners and we're not all terrible looking. We can't really say anything without knowing more about you but I'm willing to bet that you are just fine like everyone else but it's the negative thoughts and attitude that are turning people off.

I don't really understand the thing about internet people and people saying things behind your back. How do you know this? But even if so... um... it's the internet, you need a thick skin, people hide behind their keyboard and say anything they want.

I say this because up to my early twenties I had no luck with the girls either and I thought I was really ugly. But it wasn't true really. I hate looking in the mirror when I get out of bed, but I clean up, got some nice stylish clothes, a good haircut, took care of hygiene and put a smile on my face and began to be more out-going and it made a hell of a difference.

It you smile, stand up straight, you give off a confident aura. Dress well, look clean cut and stylish and people perceive you differently. The thing I never knew for a long time was that my negative attitude was coming out in my facial expression and how I carried myself, even how I would talk, it would be dull and boring and lack any energy.

How often have you actually tried to strike up a conversation with a girl? Is it at a bar or where? (Bars are tough man! But it can be done.) I very much doubt anyone's ever told you you are not physically attractive enough for them. We might not be everyone's type but anyone with a bit of tact would not say those words to someone. So where are we here?

Besides all that, if you DO talk to a girl at a bar... a lot of typical dating advice is terrible in this area. When you say you are "nice" to them. What would you say?
I mean, if someone walked up to be and paid me a nice compliment or something, I might be taken aback a little, but I'd be pleasant and thank them, but wouldn't know what to say.
But in this environment, it's all about how you carry a conversation and banter with people. If you even just strike up a random conversation about anything with someone, and how off some humour or personality, it makes people like you a lot more.

Trying to help out here man. I think this can easily be turned around with some effort if we know exactly what to tackle here.

jonsnow1901

Est28 wrote: »

Op,
The majority of people are "average" looking. We're not all stunners and we're not all terrible looking. We can't really say anything without knowing more about you but I'm willing to bet that you are just fine like everyone else but it's the negative thoughts and attitude that are turning people off.

I don't really understand the thing about internet people and people saying things behind your back. How do you know this? But even if so... um... it's the internet, you need a thick skin, people hide behind their keyboard and say anything they want.

I say this because up to my early twenties I had no luck with the girls either and I thought I was really ugly. But it wasn't true really. I hate looking in the mirror when I get out of bed, but I clean up, got some nice stylish clothes, a good haircut, took care of hygiene and put a smile on my face and began to be more out-going and it made a hell of a difference.

It you smile, stand up straight, you give off a confident aura. Dress well, look clean cut and stylish and people perceive you differently. The thing I never knew for a long time was that my negative attitude was coming out in my facial expression and how I carried myself, even how I would talk, it would be dull and boring and lack any energy.

How often have you actually tried to strike up a conversation with a girl? Is it at a bar or where? (Bars are tough man! But it can be done.) I very much doubt anyone's ever told you you are not physically attractive enough for them. We might not be everyone's type but anyone with a bit of tact would not say those words to someone. So where are we here?

Besides all that, if you DO talk to a girl at a bar... a lot of typical dating advice is terrible in this area. When you say you are "nice" to them. What would you say?
I mean, if someone walked up to be and paid me a nice compliment or something, I might be taken aback a little, but I'd be pleasant and thank them, but wouldn't know what to say.
But in this environment, it's all about how you carry a conversation and banter with people. If you even just strike up a random conversation about anything with someone, and how off some humour or personality, it makes people like you a lot more.

Trying to help out here man. I think this can easily be turned around with some effort if we know exactly what to tackle here.

Do you think I should start approaching women and trying to make friends? Or should I work on my face and get some surgeries to reduce how chaotic it looks? I just think I look goofy and I heard it's rather unattractive and people see you as a dumbo. Or is it just my facial expression that's making me look off? To be honest, I find that I was better looking as a kid. But that's the past right? I can't go back. Time only moves forward. I got to accept myself or else I'll be very depressed about my looks. I'm not all that but what can I do? Nothing. I think I have the kind of face people will look at in a bad way

I do not approach women or go to bars to answer your questions. I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable or to provoke them into making comments or giving me looks. People are very rude and have no consideration for us ugly people and how are lives are ruined. I think as a child I was happy go lucky. I certainly had no clue what was to come. Thank God because my childhood would be ruined. Thankfully I have good memories before puberty hit. I wouldn't mind if I wasn't two-faced or if people didn't judge me but human nature is human nature. I think ugly people should get disability money as this really does hamper me in jobs and my health is going downhill. I just give off a terrible first impression. I heard some guys calling me a homo erectus 3 days ago when I was going to spar and I just went home and didn't come out of my room. I am considering how to make money from home. Perhaps I'll try to get good at online poker. I don't know how to proceed but I would love a girlfriend to see me for the guy I am, instead of the chaotic shell.

0byme75341jo28

OP, is it possible you're just paying too much attention to these people?

I overheard people say some horrible things about me for years, I even came across two randomers on Bebo (back a few years ago) taking the piss out of me very nastily, and it affected me for years, I basically didn't talk to anyone for 3 or 4 days after it, even my family. It still hurts to think about it to be honest.

I still do hear people make comments about me as I pass them on the street, although admittedly it's become a rarer occurrence since I reached about 16 (currently 18) because most people who know me have matured a bit, but I've just decided that I don't care what they think. Those people mean nothing to me, zero. I've my friends, I've my family, why should I care?

I was extremely paranoid from about 13-16, then I just sat back and thought about how many people were actually being horrible to me, and there were very few people. The vast majority of people treated me the same as anyone else, are you sure it's not the same case for you? It's possible you're just listening to the 1% of people who are making comments about you and completely ignoring the 99% who don't think anything negative about your looks. I know it's not easy, but just think about it.

LegacyUser

I very rarely post here, but your posts OP struck some chord in me, don't know if I recognize myself in them at some stage, or a friend or a partner. Could be all the above.
Anyhow, you need to stop focusing so much on yourself and how you look and start focusing on how you are and who you are.
Even if you were the most gorgeous guy I've ever laid my eyes on, if you were going on like that, I would find it hard to even have a conversation with you.
You need to seriously evaluate what the value in life is.
If you were extremely disfigured due to an accident, or couldn't walk or couldn't see, didn't hear, would you judge yourself due to that? I'm not saying your looks are equivalent to a disability but in your case your fixation on your looks is your disability.
Ugliness is not something that you see in pictures. It's something that's inside of you.
I would echo what some other people have said:

Shape up (gym membership or other activity: those ENDOPRHINS!)
Eat healthy (lots of energy)
Dress and smell nicely (at least my clothes look great, right?)
Get a nice haircut (if you're balding, buzz cut it really does looks cool)
Get a few well fitting clothes (personal shopper?)
that's 50% right there. That's the looks part.

But most of all, the remaining 50%, work on your personality and on your self esteem. Get yourself a hobby, find what makes you buzz and do that for a while. This will give you some topics to talk about, some mates that will share the same interest and not only judge you by the way you look.

First and foremost, go see somebody.