Italian Wedding - Need food orders 6 months in advance?

Rezident

We are getting married in Italy next year, down south, in Amalfi. The wedding planner wants to know what everyone wants to eat six months in advance! This sounds absolutely insane to me, I’m not sure what I want to eat tomorrow, let alone in six months’ time. How do you even find out, do we have to include a menu with the wedding invitations, asking if people want the meat or fish next summer? Knowing our families, I can also see a lot of moaning about this too, as it is very unusual.

Does anyone know anything about this? I have been to two weddings in Italy before and this definitely did not happen. I am wondering if we can refuse, as it is a bit bizarre but they are insisting on it. I don’t see why guests can’t just order on the day, like every other wedding I have ever been to in my life. Any thoughts, suggestions etc. greatly appreciated?

Thanks,

Sala

Rezident wrote: »

We are getting married in Italy next year, down south, in Amalfi. The wedding planner wants to know what everyone wants to eat six months in advance! This sounds absolutely insane to me, I’m not sure what I want to eat tomorrow, let alone in six months’ time. How do you even find out, do we have to include a menu with the wedding invitations, asking if people want the meat or fish next summer? Knowing our families, I can also see a lot of moaning about this too, as it is very unusual.

Does anyone know anything about this? I have been to two weddings in Italy before and this definitely did not happen. I am wondering if we can refuse, as it is a bit bizarre but they are insisting on it. I don’t see why guests can’t just order on the day, like every other wedding I have ever been to in my life. Any thoughts, suggestions etc. greatly appreciated?

Thanks,

is it that there is a choice on the menu - fish or meat, and they want you to pick now? I have received wedding invitations asking to pick which is fine, but you're probably not sending them yet....

I actually don't think it is possible for you to do this, you would certainly be waiting for people to get back to you up to a month before - you can't pick dishes if you don't know who is going!

fits

Are you sure they're not just looking for your choices of dish? (early for that too...)

Sala

fits wrote: »

Are you sure they're not just looking for your choices of dish? (early for that too...)

Ah yeah, maybe you misunderstood or they didn't communicate property what exactly they are looking for. I think most venues that want the numbers beforehand only ask for confirmation a week or few days before - i.e. in time to order.

dantastic

We had a destination wedding on the continent as well. Just like you we were asked that each guest specify their meal months in advance. We worked with them and we went with a 'french service'. Essentially, they cook 13-14 portions per 10 person table. We asked for a 60% beef 20% fish & 20% pork. At time for dinner they just arrive with serving trays and people will have an option of what's left on the tray.

It worked pretty well everything considered. Just make sure to have enough beef...

Sala

dantastic wrote: »

We had a destination wedding on the continent as well. Just like you we were asked that each guest specify their meal months in advance. We worked with them and we went with a 'french service'. Essentially, they cook 13-14 portions per 10 person table. We asked for a 60% beef 20% fish & 20% pork. At time for dinner they just arrive with serving trays and people will have an option of what's left on the tray.

It worked pretty well everything considered. Just make sure to have enough beef...

That's a good idea, much better than trying to guess exact numbers. Did they charge for the extra 3-4 portions?

dantastic

Yea, the french service was a bit more alright. Our wedding planner was a pure genius at negotiating deals on our behalf though and asking the guests what they were planning on eating 6 months in advance was just not going to happen!

Sala

dantastic wrote: »

Yea, the french service was a bit more alright. Our wedding planner was a pure genius at negotiating deals on our behalf though and asking the guests what they were planning on eating 6 months in advance was just not going to happen!

Sounds lovely, but I reckon I'd be like "hmmm... can I have a piece of everything please!!"

Rezident

Sala wrote: »

Ah yeah, maybe you misunderstood or they didn't communicate property what exactly they are looking for. I think most venues that want the numbers beforehand only ask for confirmation a week or few days before - i.e. in time to order.

No they want the exact numbers of who is eating what six months in advance.

Rezident

dantastic wrote: »

Yea, the french service was a bit more alright. Our wedding planner was a pure genius at negotiating deals on our behalf though and asking the guests what they were planning on eating 6 months in advance was just not going to happen!

Yes that's what I'm thinking. Are you supposed to put food options on the wedding invite? Never heard of this before.

lazygal

Rezident wrote: »

Yes that's what I'm thinking. Are you supposed to put food options on the wedding invite? Never heard of this before.

It's a very american thing to do, mainly to suit the catering staff. I would put simply meat, fish or vegetarian as options, then iron out the actual menu closer to the time.

Sala

Rezident wrote: »

No they want the exact numbers of who is eating what six months in advance.

That's ridiculous. It's not possible for you to do this, unless you want to forgo all choice and just have one, like beef. Dantastics french service meal sounds lovely albeit more expensive.

dantastic

Seems common on the continent that the menu is posted with the invitations and you tick your choice on the RSVP.
It's quite silly and not something our guests would have been used to at all.

It was more expensive but there wasn't a lot of waste as plenty of people had more than one serving of meat.

Sala

dantastic wrote: »

Seems common on the continent that the menu is posted with the invitations and you tick your choice on the RSVP.
It's quite silly and not something our guests would have been used to at all.

It was more expensive but there wasn't a lot of waste as plenty of people had more than one serving of meat.

It does sound nice, I really like the kind of "communal" aspect of eating like that rather than getting the one plate put down in front, it's nice to see what's on the platter and pick it!!

I have certainly received wedding invitations in Ireland and had to tick beef/salmon and the like, but that's only when RSVPing, a few weeks before. 6 months is madness. You could try it if you have to, but many guests may not even know if they can make the wedding abroad, unless it's a tight knit group

JanaMay

My sister-in-law is a wedding planner in Italy, and I've also been to a few Italian weddings. From what I know, the menu can be either fish-based or meat-based (mare / monti), or both. There's usually a selection of starters, selection of pasta courses and selection of main courses, all served communally. Meat-only costs less, fish-only costs more and both meat and fish costs the most as they basically serve double. I've never heard of them needing each guest to specify which they want. Usually B&G opt for either meat or fish based menu. A sample menu would be: 6-7 fish or meat based starters, on platters on the table, and a few veg options. 2 pasta courses (again meat or fish or 2 of each) and the same for mains, with vegetables. They're all on platters and each guests takes what they want. (Prices vary according to venue and drinks are usually included). Are you sure this isn't what your wedding planner is referring to?

If your wedding venue is used to catering to weddings, also Italian ones, make sure they're treating you the same as they would Italian couples. I've seen my SIL try to fleece 'foreign' couples and it písses me off no end!

Sala

JanaMay wrote: »

My sister-in-law is a wedding planner in Italy, and I've also been to a few Italian weddings. From what I know, the menu can be either fish-based or meat-based (mare / monti), or both. There's usually a selection of starters, selection of pasta courses and selection of main courses, all served communally. Meat-only costs less, fish-only costs more and both meat and fish costs the most as they basically serve double. I've never heard of them needing each guest to specify which they want. Usually B&G opt for either meat or fish based menu. A sample menu would be: 6-7 fish or meat based starters, on platters on the table, and a few veg options. 2 pasta courses (again meat or fish or 2 of each) and the same for mains, with vegetables. They're all on platters and each guests takes what they want. (Prices vary according to venue and drinks are usually included). Are you sure this isn't what your wedding planner is referring to?

If your wedding venue is used to catering to weddings, also Italian ones, make sure they're treating you the same as they would Italian couples. I've seen my SIL try to fleece 'foreign' couples and it písses me off no end!

That's very annoying, but I'd say she is not the only one doing it.

I had a meal in Italy like that, with a starter, pasta course and a meat course and think it's lovely... the meal is probably about twice the length of time it would take here but it's lovely relaxing way to eat.

JanaMay

http://www.matrimonio.it/tutto-per-il-matrimonio/ristoranti-matrimoni/

Check out sites like this one (sorry it's the first one I came across when I googled). I don't really know how reliable it is.

If you know anyone who speaks Italian, ask them to call the hotel for a quote. I've honestly never heard of an Italian wedding venue that does things the way we do (starter, main and dessert), and especially none that need such specifics 6 months in advance.

I don't know how much you're paying per head but from my SIL (BO area, so less popular with Irish or British couples) the average prices range from 65 - 110 euro per head. Lower price range includes at least 4 meat/veg starters (not a choice, all get one each, on platters), 2 meat pasta dishes (again 2 each) and two meat main courses with veg (again 2 per person). Also a couple of desserts and coffee. Wine, beer, water, soft drinks included for the night, as well as Italian after-dinner drinks (grappa, Montenegro, Sambucca ecc) 85 -100 etc per head usually includes the same quantity of fish courses, so everyone gets both meat and fish starters, pastas and mains (usually at the very least 7 starters, 4 pastas and two mains....again, they don't have to choose, they're put on the table and guests eat what they want). (95-105 euro menu probably has also lobster and oysters etc) If you want you can add to the bar so your guests can have vodka, gin, shorts etc you can work that out with the hotel. If not, open a cash bar after dinner.

It all depends on how much you trust / understand your wedding planner.

But having said that, I've been to many weddings in Italy for British and Irish B&Gs (I often translate for the ceremony) and honestly, none of the guests have been hungry or disappointed. I just know that an Italian couple would usually pay less and get more.

petethebrick

I've been to weddings in Spain. There you don't get any choice but rather are just served seven courses and there is a mix of fish and meat.

fits

I asked an Italian friend yesterday out of curiosity and he said he reckoned meal would be 100 euro a head. Maybe foreign couples are charged more, but nowadays people have connections all over so it might not be that easy to pull the wool over peoples eyes either.

Wabbit Ears

I got married in poland and the menu was set months in advance. Food is brought to the table, Not served individually plated like the Irish prefer. Basically it was as stated previously, Did we want fish or meat or both. We did both and added vegetarian/vegan servings also.

So yea, If you're talking per plate individually, that's not realistically possible that far in advance but its entirely normal for table food.

Sala

fits wrote: »

I asked an Italian friend yesterday out of curiosity and he said he reckoned meal would be 100 euro a head. Maybe foreign couples are charged more, but nowadays people have connections all over so it might not be that easy to pull the wool over peoples eyes either.

I think it is actually often dearer abroad than here for a wedding meal. But you can get more i.e. extra courses, open bar. I heard, although this may be wrong, that in certain countries haggling is not done and the price is the price, whereas in Ireland loads of my friends have managed to get extras throw in for free when they haggle

womandriver

Rezident wrote: »

We are getting married in Italy next year, down south, in Amalfi. The wedding planner wants to know what everyone wants to eat six months in advance! This sounds absolutely insane to me, I’m not sure what I want to eat tomorrow, let alone in six months’ time. How do you even find out, do we have to include a menu with the wedding invitations, asking if people want the meat or fish next summer? Knowing our families, I can also see a lot of moaning about this too, as it is very unusual.

Does anyone know anything about this? I have been to two weddings in Italy before and this definitely did not happen. I am wondering if we can refuse, as it is a bit bizarre but they are insisting on it. I don’t see why guests can’t just order on the day, like every other wedding I have ever been to in my life. Any thoughts, suggestions etc. greatly appreciated?

Thanks,

My sister got married in the UK in 2011 and they had to ask their guests to confirm their choice of starter/main/desert on the RSVP card. This was the only alternative to everyone eating the exact same meal with no options on the day. Obviously that wasn't going to work with the bride being a vegetarian, others not eating fish etc. so they sent the menu in the invites. Not 6 months in advance tho.