Fear of "corporate" jobs

LegacyUser

I have a second round interview coming up with a fairly big company. My last job was with a big corporation too and I left it voluntarily because I just hate the whole "corporate" vibe around these places. I can't put my finger on it exactly but I just don't feel comfortable in them. Everybody has posh names and speaks in uppity accents. I used to look at the profiles of my workmates on LinkedIn and they all have degrees from the top universities in the country. My degree is from an IT (not even one of the good ones) and I only got a 2:2. I feel inferior and that I shouldn't be there.
I first experienced it on my work placement during college. It was with a large corporation and I was working with people far better educated than me. I felt anxious and worried all the time in there and it was the worst six months of my life. I was constatntly worried I wouldn't be able to do something I was asked to do or I would make a mistake. I suffer from depression as well and I had a pretty bad period of it during my time there which didn't help.
In my last job I made a few mistakes and my boss was a bit of a jerk. He gave me a few dressings down and it has affected my confidence (not that I have a lot of confidence to begin with).
It's kind of a catch 22 situation as I don't want to be on the dole either (I've been out of work for 3 and a half months). I love to work and if I found something I really liked I would happily work at it all the hours of the day and longer.
A job like this might not come along again so I feel I have to take it if I am offered it but I fear the feelings of inadequacy coming back if I do take it. Even in the interview I felt a bit of an idiot sitting there in a suit in a big boardroom with the employers logo all over the place. In the last job I felt like a fool lacing up my shoes and putting on a freshly-ironed shirt and trousers every morning (I am more a runners and jeans type of guy).
I returned to education as a mature student and I worked as a factory operative for a number of years before that so maybe that's why I feel like this.
I know some people in the same position would say "f*** 'em" and tell themselves they are every bit as good (and better) than their workmates. I'd just rather be in a smaller company without a big "hierarchy of authority". Something that doesn't give me much responsibility and that I am not under big time pressure and I can just work away without too much stress or expectation ("don't we all" I hear you say).
I have few other mental issues as well like fear of negative evaluation and social phobia so It all feeds into this condition so it's a combination of things really.
Some people love all that stuff, hob-nobbing with important people and hosting meetings and all that but I just hate it. I could never get used to it and it's probably why I never made any friends in the places I worked (I wasn't good enough for them in my eyes).
I've been scouring the 'net for a job like the one I described but they don't seem to exist. There are a few under that jobbridge scheme that kind of fit that description but taking a job like that would cost me money as I live in a rural location.

Rubberchikken

You're good enough to have already worked in one corporate place. You have a second interview for another one.
You must be doing something right.

But if you really dont want to work in these places, then maybe a rethink to what/where you want to be is in order.

You know even though people may have had 'fancy' degrees and upity accents they're still people who wpuld, for the most part, have given you a chance if you would be willing to believe in yourself more.

Good luck

dudara

If you already held a job in a large corporate, then you're clearly good enough to be there. The fact that you're being called for another interview seems to emphasise this. You need to stop this thought process of "uppity accents" (btw, what is an uppity accent) and fancy degrees because it is going to inhibit you.

I think you're possibly trying to sabotage yourself. The question is, why?

LegacyUser

I don't think it's self-sabotage, it's just I don't think I'm up to the standard that working in these places demand. I'm OK with that, I can work at a certain standard but I don't want to go any higher thank you very much. It would be a shame not to use my degree and to throw it away by working in a job that doesn't utilise the skills I learned in college but at the same time I want to be able to switch off when I finish work and not have to worry about what I did right or wrong that day or what I may do right or wrong the following day.
Sometimes I am almost glad when I fail interviews for jobs with large corporations. I say to myself "At least I won't be able to screw up now".

Stavro Mueller

OP, have you sought help for these issues? You really are looking for problems where there are none. You should be proud of what you've achieved, not beating yourself up. Leaving your factory job to go to college as a mature student is a bigger achievement than seem to think it is. It shows ambition and strength of character. Employers like to see things like that.

Everybody has posh names and speaks in uppity accents. I used to look at the profiles of my workmates on LinkedIn and they all have degrees from the top universities in the country. My degree is from an IT (not even one of the good ones) and I only got a 2:2. I feel inferior and that I shouldn't be there.

Everyone has a posh name What has that got to do with anything? I just did a quick google of CEOs of large companies in Ireland and most of them have names that wouldn't be out of place on the local GAA team. I know some people who work in I.T. and never noticed them having unusual names. As for accents...so what? As long as you speak clearly, your accent shouldn't matter.

If your employer had had a problem with you "only" going to an I.T. and getting a 2:2 you'd not have got the job. You're creating snobbery where there is none. Also, a 2:2 is nothing to be sniffed at. Seriously, do people really go around workplaces asking each other what they got in their exams? I doubt anyone's that interested to tell the truth.

I first experienced it on my work placement during college. It was with a large corporation and I was working with people far better educated than me. I felt anxious and worried all the time in there and it was the worst six months of my life. I was constantly worried I wouldn't be able to do something I was asked to do or I would make a mistake. I suffer from depression as well and I had a pretty bad period of it during my time there which didn't help.
In my last job I made a few mistakes and my boss was a bit of a jerk. He gave me a few dressings down and it has affected my confidence (not that I have a lot of confidence to begin with).

This sounds totally self-inflicted. I doubt your employers gave a toss where you went to college. All they were interested in was your ability to do your job. It's your own neuroses which tripped you up here. OK, so it's unfortunate that your boss was a jerk but you'll have that.

...Even in the interview I felt a bit of an idiot sitting there in a suit in a big boardroom with the employers logo all over the place. In the last job I felt like a fool lacing up my shoes and putting on a freshly-ironed shirt and trousers every morning (I am more a runners and jeans type of guy).

You think nobody else who wears a shirt and trousers to work feels uncomfortable and would much rather be in their jeans and runners? Again you're looking for an excuse to paint yourself as someone who doesn't belong.

.. I'd just rather be in a smaller company without a big "hierarchy of authority". Something that doesn't give me much responsibility and that I am not under big time pressure and I can just work away without too much stress or expectation ("don't we all" I hear you say).

If you get your career going you'll be in a better position to get a job in somewhere like this. As thing stand, you're in danger of making yourself unemployed and unemployable.

Some people love all that stuff, hob-nobbing with important people and hosting meetings and all that but I just hate it. I could never get used to it and it's probably why I never made any friends in the places I worked (I wasn't good enough for them in my eyes).

Are you sure this isn't just a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your post reeks of "I'm not good enough" so perhaps you're projecting these thoughts.

I have few other mental issues as well like fear of negative evaluation and social phobia so It all feeds into this condition so it's a combination of things really.

Have you ever sought professional help for this? If you haven't recently, I urge you to go as soon as possible. Seriously.

sandra_b

peter_99 wrote: »

I'd just rather be in a smaller company without a big "hierarchy of authority". Something that doesn't give me much responsibility and that I am not under big time pressure and I can just work away without too much stress or expectation ("don't we all" I hear you say).

In IT, you are going to be under more pressure and have more responsibility in smaller company.
Multinational company is more "relaxed" as there are many levels, politics ...don't worry about this.

peter_99 wrote: »

Some people love all that stuff, hob-nobbing with important people and hosting meetings and all that but I just hate it. I could never get used to it and it's probably why I never made any friends in the places I worked (I wasn't good enough for them in my eyes).

Yes, you can't avoid meetings on big company, but it is unlikely that you will need to host a lot of meetings. Most of the meetings you can just switch of and use that time for meditation or some other mental exercise

You need to work on your self esteem. I am sure you are good enough to work in "big company", but you need to believe in yourself.

LegacyUser

I've got nothing against people with "posh" names and "uppity" accents. They are probably perfectly lovely people for all I know. It's just me.
I wouldn'ty agree that a multinational company is more "relaxed", in the last place there were a few aggressive, Gordon Gekko-type people working there.
I have spoken about this issue to my counsellor a few times and she said that maybe I am just not suited to working with people and more suited to working with "things". It's not that I don't like people, it's more that I am always comparing myself with other people and in my mind I just don't stack up.
It's not just in work I do it. I have a couple of friends who work in very responsible jobs (one is a lecturer and the other is a team leader in eircom). They are both nice blokes but I don't hang out with them much as I don't feel right in their company. I have another friend who works for a pittance in an electrical store; I tend to hang with him more often.

Stavro Mueller

peter_99 wrote: »

I've got nothing against people with "posh" names and "uppity" accents. They are probably perfectly lovely people for all I know. It's just me.
I wouldn'ty agree that a multinational company is more "relaxed", in the last place there were a few aggressive, Gordon Gekko-type people working there.
I have spoken about this issue to my counsellor a few times and she said that maybe I am just not suited to working with people and more suited to working with "things". It's not that I don't like people, it's more that I am always comparing myself with other people and in my mind I just don't stack up.
It's not just in work I do it. I have a couple of friends who work in very responsible jobs (one is a lecturer and the other is a team leader in eircom). They are both nice blokes but I don't hang out with them much as I don't feel right in their company. I have another friend who works for a pittance in an electrical store; I tend to hang with him more often.

You never gave them a chance, did you? Maybe they are nice people but you've convinced yourself that you're not good enough. I doubt even the most snobby of them could ever possibly judge you in the way you judge yourself.

Honestly, most people are too busy getting on with their jobs to care where you worked before, where you're from, what college you went to and what your degree is. Why on earth did you put yourself through the time and expense of going to college if you're so sure you're not worthy of a better job?

Why in earth are you afraid to hang out with your friends with the better jobs? I doubt they care what your job is. They like you for the person you are, not what you do for a living. Most people are like that by the way. The snobs who judge people by their occupation - most reasonably minded people would give them a wide berth as well.

How can you say that this new job you might get is going to be more of the same? I know some people who work in IT and they're nice ordinary down to earth people. In fact if you got taking to them you'd never know that was their job. Also the culture isn't the same in every workplace. Don't throw away this great opportunity because of problems that only exist in your head.

Stop running away from your problems. Maybe try a different therapist? It would be a shame if after all your effort you blow this chance

Rubberchikken

you have to try to find out why you're selling yourself so short. if you really don't want to work in a corporate job, then don't. they're not for everyone.
most people don't judage someone by the job they have, but rather by the type of person they are, so with help from a therapist you might be able to see that past the accents/jobs people are just the same if you're willing to give them a chance.

rejection and fear of rejection is hard and is paralysing but with help you should be able to overcome it.

good luck

LegacyUser

Rubberchikken wrote: »

you have to try to find out why you're selling yourself so short. if you really don't want to work in a corporate job, then don't. they're not for everyone.
most people don't judage someone by the job they have, but rather by the type of person they are, so with help from a therapist you might be able to see that past the accents/jobs people are just the same if you're willing to give them a chance.

rejection and fear of rejection is hard and is paralysing but with help you should be able to overcome it.

good luck

It seems that way. The trouble is that it's hard to get any other type of job because these corporations are big and so they have a large turnover of staff. They are always expanding or replacing people that have left. I hardly ever see "smaller" type companies advertising.
I did work in a small company for a while and I was a lot less anxious. My boss was more laid back as well so that helped. I haven't had the second interview for the job yet but if I am offered it I will have to think carefully about it.

ahmdoda

Chris Gardner had no experience, no college education, virtually no connections lived homeless with his child for a year & worked in a stockbroker company were his co-workers had a much better education then he did, if your not familiar with him read his book-not the movie!- "The Pursuit of Happyness" you might be able to relate to his story and learn something from him.

LegacyUser

I am having the second interview this evening and guess what, the guys interviewing me all have "posh" names (it's an American company).
I'll give it a go but I am almost too nervous to study for it.

Neyite

peter_99 wrote: »

I am having the second interview this evening and guess what, the guys interviewing me all have "posh" names (it's an American company).
I'll give it a go but I am almost too nervous to study for it.

Ah seriously! They didnt pick their names themselves, you know. Chances are their parents just thought they were nice names, that it went well with the surname, and was just that little bit different so there wouldnt be 10 of them in his class. Or maybe they were named after their nice granda.

American business culture is such that they use your full name, always - they dont shorten it the way the Irish sometimes do. If you were born Jonathan Anthony but from the very first day of your life you were called John or Johnny, by every single person that you know, they would still call you Jonathan A. Whatever no matter how many times that you correct them!

This is your self esteeem sabotaging you. You do need to work on this with your therapist.

iusedtoknow

You seem to be looking for problems where there are none.

I work in a multinational company where in my cluster (a few teams that all have the same focus) there are people that have masters in Robotics, statistical analysis, sociology from Berkeley, Yale, Stanford and then there's me...a masters in History from Trinity. Some have "posh names" (Whatever that is...) and one of them is even the IV such person in his family to have such a name.

I've worked in smaller companies (around 50 people) and my current one where there are 80000, and much prefer the big one - there are clear processes in place in how to work through issues - whereas in the smaller company, I was expected to be a jack of all trades (from setting up an exchange server to figuring out WTH was wrong with the copier)...and master of none.

You seem to be hung up on the fact that everyone is "better than you" and therefore have an almost inverted snobbery. You need to work through these feelings with your counsellor. In life, no matter where you go (from the factory floor, to the heights of the corporate world) there is ALWAYS going to be someone smarter, more experienced, more worldly wise, happier, richer, successful than you. How you view them is down to you , not down to their "posh names" or how comfortable THEY are in where they are, or what they have done.

LegacyUser

The only thing stopping you from working in these companies is yourself. The barriers you're talking about are created in your own mind, they don't exist in reality. It's how you choose to look at the world. You've worked in one before, and you've had successful interviews for this new place, so experience should tell you that you're perfectly capable of doing the job and that's all you need. Your background doesn't make a bit of difference, you've just as much right to be there as anyone else.

It seems as if you're very judgmental of both yourself and people who you deep to be "posh", "uppity" or who are well educated. You're generalising and acting pretty snobbish yourself by brushing off people for such minor reasons. It's impossible for everyone who works in these places to be stuck up. Maybe you're mistaking acting professional for snobbishness?

It sounds like you have low confidence in yourself and keep yourself distanced from others who you deem better than you in some way. But the result is that you seem very closed and prejudiced. You're tarring a whole load of people with one brush, and assuming that a certain accent or college will mean that someone is not worth getting to know or even working with. You're holding yourself back with your own prejudice.

You'd do well to do some work on your self confidence and image, possibly with a cognitive behavioural therapist who can help you examine your thought processes and the way you look at the world.

Like I said, this is a barrier you've created yourself, I'm sure there are many people with backgrounds similar to yours working there too. If you're not into climbing the corporate ladder then there's no need to engage in activities like "hobnobbing" or hosting meetings. You can simply go to work, do your job, and earn the wages, be professional and get along with your colleagues - it doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.