Weird sense of guilt

Quatermain

Hello, guys.

I've been fairly certain I have some manner of anxiety issue, and have been aware of this for some time now. Just recently, though, it manifested itself in a very odd manner. My five year old Dell laptop cashed in recently, and I shopped around for a nice Lenovo. I considered it for about a week, and picked it up just today. However, with the pretty powerful machine in my hands, all I really feel is a sense of dissatisfaction and guilt.

It's partially a monetary issue, I think. I'm working a part-time job, but am always careful with money. Family members sometimes come to me for loans, as a matter of fact. Silly and all as it sounds, I always, always feel tremendously guilty when spending money on myself, but never on other people.

The fact of the matter is, I dipped into my savings to buy a 700 euro laptop, well within my means, and now I just feel terrible about it. Anyone else had anything like this, or even any answers for what I can do?

Challo

Yes, I can identify with what you have described. I don't think it's an anxiety issue, I think it's about self-care. You feel bad for being kind to yourself and spending that much money on a laptop, even though there is a collection of evidence as to why you bought it. Probably if it was for someone else, you would have felt more comfortable buying it.

You say you have been having some similar difficulties for a while, would you consider going for some therapy to see if you can it figure out with a professional?

blankblank

I feel like I could have written this.

I feel guilty over most things I buy (even tough their well within my means also). I am currently looking at a laptop, and have been for the past five days, weighing up the pros and cons of purchasing it versus saving the money. Its all a bit silly really. I desperately need a new laptop.

I can also agree with what the previous poster said, usually I don't think much when the item is for someone else.

Its strange, I've only started really realising it lately since I am earning a good wage, I can essentially afford what I want i.e. new phone or new laptop, new clothes etc but I over analyze everything. I try to justify things with reasoning that I've earned the money- all those years in college and hard graft etc but I guess its just the way I am.

Still, its nice to know their are others who have the same mentality

Rubberchikken

You're not alone.
I do this and i definitely don't suffer from anxiety.
Im very slow to buy anything for myself but have no problem getting things for my family.

Enjoy your laptop, sounds great btw.

keithclancy

No Debt

Do what you like

ivytwine

I think this is quite common. I don't suffer from it, if anything I'm too much the other way but my mother suffers badly. She reared me on her own so it's only in the last few years she's been able to treat herself. But in the last year or so she has only felt ok about that!

It's hard to let go of that feeling but you do deserve something nice now and again. Enjoy the new laptop!

Quatermain

Thanks, everyone, for your replies. Still not feeling the best about this, tell the truth. Still, I'm going to make it an open machine so my family can use it whenever they want to.

Challo wrote: »

You say you have been having some similar difficulties for a while, would you consider going for some therapy to see if you can it figure out with a professional?

Oh, indeed I have. Been diagnosed with a form of generalised anxiety disorder. I worry almost constantly about utterly piffling little things, and nothing I have ever feared would happen has actually happened. I just tend to massively overthink things. Given what's happening now, it might be time to head back to the shrink for a chat.

amdublin

Quatermain wrote: »

Thanks, everyone, for your replies. Still not feeling the best about this, tell the truth. Still, I'm going to make it an open machine so my family can use it whenever they want to.



Oh, indeed I have. Been diagnosed with a form of generalised anxiety disorder. I worry almost constantly about utterly piffling little things, and nothing I have ever feared would happen has actually happened. I just tend to massively overthink things. Given what's happening now, it might be time to head back to the shrink for a chat.

It's okay to be good to yourself.

I think a revisit with your counsellor/doc would be helpful for you.

Enjoy your new laptop, you are very good for sharing it.

diveout

Deprivation is not a viirtue.

Faith

I get like this. My fiancé asked me last night what the first splurge I'll make will be when I get a job (we've both just emigrated). I thought about it, and said "A pair of waterproof boots". He said that was a necessity, not a luxury, but I couldn't spend a couple of hundred dollars on boots without feeling MAJORLY guilty, despite having no waterproof shoes and living in a rainy city.

But I think one thing that helps to rationalise this guilt is to look at the cost per use. If your laptop cost €700, and you use it every day for 3 years, then that means it cost 64 cents a day. That's pretty fair, really! Or if you buy expensive boots, but wear them 200 times, they might cost €1 per wear. This is much, much better than buying something for €700 that you'll only use a handful of times.