Feeling terrible

LegacyUser

I feel terrible right now. I am a first year in college and I don't know anybody. I wanted to get to know people so I joined a club. So far we have had 4 meet ups and every single one of them has made me feel terrible. I am really quiet and I cannot approach people. I have PTSD due to a traumatic childhood living with my dad who was then a really bad alcoholic. I keep remembering negative things that happened years ago. They just randomly come into my mind throughout the day and when I'm trying to sleep.

Basically in today's meetup I got separated from the group and nobody even noticed me missing. I know I'm not really articulating this properly but I feel so bad right now. I feel like no body cares about me at all. I have no friends at all that are anywhere near where I am since I finished school. I tried my hardest to make my life better than it was when living at home but it's nearly as bad now but I'm in a new place alone.

Nothing is how I hoped it to be. I have very little money. My course is not what I anticipated and basically no body even knows I exist.

I feel like I'm wasting my life but I just can't get over all the negative things that happened in my life as I was growing up. I am so scared my life is always going to be like this. Everyone else seems to be able to live their lives whereas I'm just existing. I want this to end and I want to live a normal life without the constant memories and persistent sense of being different. Is this even possible or am I destined to suffer through this forever?

I am absolutely heartbroken.

Rubberchikken

Hi OP
sorry to read you're feeling like this.
it's early days yet though, and you have a golden opportunity to make things improve.
no one,but you is going to look out for you in college. yes there's support, but the other students around you, are for the most part, trying to figure out where they fit too.


it's great that you joined a grou. stick with it for a bit, and see how things go.
i appreciate that you had a tough childhood with your dad's issues, but this is your life, and if you want to make something of it, you will.
you have been strong enough to survive that, you're in college, anything is possible.

tell yourself you're definitely worth it, and go out there and give things a shot.
take care and best of luck.

kylith

It's early days yet, OP, try not to be too disheartened. Colleges can be a big shock, going from knowing everyone in your 6th year class to just being a face in a crowd in a lecture hall. Check out the SU and join some societies, and ask them about counsellors if you feel you need to talk to someone. Above all, remember that everyone is feeling the same as you right now.

sadie06

Does the college offer a free counselling service OP? If so, make full use of it, and any other support available. You are clearly feeling overwhelmed, but remember that you are not the only one struggling. Many of the people you see around you in college are also worrying about their course, fitting in, etc. Sometimes the happiest looking people are masking insecurities.

Do charities have a presence in the college, such as SVDP? That can be a great thing to get involved in as your commitment will be appreciated and you will feel so good about being involved.

Don't worry too much about your course just yet. Just stay on top of things and give yourself time to adjust.

December2012

Hi,

Firstly it sounds like you've been through a lot! Well done on getting to college.

Joining clubs societies and meet ups is a great way to enjoy college.

I am guessing that you feel invisible or unimportant or unnoticed by your potential new friends, and that's why you're upset about your absence not being noticed?

I think you're putting too much emphasis on this. Your new group may like you (or may not) but you're an adult and they've no need nor prior relationship to worry about you going missing. That's normal for now. It's very early days.

I can appreciate that you want college to be an amazing new start. The thing is, that it can be. But most students take some time to find their feet and make their social circle their friends.

Keep going with it, and I echo the advice given above about support.

Deep breaths OP, take care of yourself and give yourself time.

afterglow

Hi OP

I also had a very difficult childhood due to my dad being an alcoholic.
I stil have very long lasting issues as a result of that so understand what you say when you say similar in your post.
I can't offer anything that is better than the advice given above, just wanted you to know your not on your own, and I know also what it is like not to feel you fit in. Do give it some time though, and you will find your place and where you fit in.
Wishing you all the very best

LegacyUser

Why dont you join Acoa? adult children of alcoholics...

they would give you some great support and advice...