Drifting Apart from Best Mate

LegacyUser

Hi i don't no if you could call this a problem as such but it's been on my mind a lot and i'm looking for some advice. Basically i'm starting to drift apart from my best mate, we haven't fallen out or anything and are still on good terms but basically we're just different people now, I'v known this lad for years been really good friends since i was like 9 so it's been over 10 years. We kind of drifted when i went away to collage and he didn't, he's working now and i'v been away at Uni. I'd go and hang out with mates and stuff at the weekend but slowly i felt we no longer had much in common so don't see much of them now, however this one mate is different i understand you loose friends but i'v been really close to this guy for years and i known his family very well and visa versa. Should i don't know whether to accept that these things happen or should i still hang with him and really make an effort. Also i really don't want to seem like i'm dropping all my friends just because i'm at College and some of them aren't. I understand people can drift apart but really good friendships are hard to come by and he's been a really good mate over the years that i hate the idea of us not being close anymore. What should i do?

tenifan

What exactly do you want out of the friendship? You're not going to be "close" if you have different interests and move in different circles.
Best thing you can do is have a similar interest, something you can do together regularly like join a club (gym, darts, table quizzes, kickboxing, cycling, could be anything)
You might find it easier doing stuff as part of a group who meet up regularly to go to the cinema, do a weekly exercise class, or even something like a hike or cycle every 3-4 months.

alias06

If you have been friends with him for over ten years then its unlikely you'll ever stop being friends. He will always be your friend on some level. You'lll be able to get in touch with him and touch base and see how he is getting on and vice versa. But if you have gone to university and he hasn't then you are in a different place as a person. You are moving on to a new stage in your life and he is staying behind. That doesn't mean you can't be friends. But you will have less in common. I think if you want to keep the friendship then try and keep in touch but don't make himi feel bad by telling him how great college is etc. Keep in touch with him and see how it goes. If you find that you really have nothing in common any more and the friendship is dead then you have to just let it go.

Rubberchikken

keep in touch with him, and see how things go.
you're right, you are both different people, getting older, doing different things, but the connections from over the years can still be there if you both want.
if not, then you'll just have to both move on in yer own ways. if that happens, you can both always be friendly, that shouldn't have to change.

it is tough and not easy to have to deal with, but it does happen.

good luck

L0ui5e

You sound like a really nice young man.
Fair play to you for recognizing that things are changing and wanting to do something about it.
Obviously this guys friendship means a lot to you but like you have already been told here, ye are currently moving in different circles so there is the logistics of that.
I think you just need to accept you won't see your friend as much presently due to circumstances beyond both your control but make the effort to do stuff as often as you can.
Now that you are away at college you see your family less often too but they are still your family and you make time for them also Im sure. It's just a readjustment period.
Enjoy your college life, make plenty of new friends, join a club but set aside time each week to skype and text your mate.
Ask him to come visit you some Thursday night in college and try integrate him with your college friends..who knows he might hit it off with your new friends too so it might be an extension of his social circle too.
And as another poster has said set aside time back home every few weeks to do some activities together.
When you meet a girlfriend or later when you marry with children you will also see this shift happening where you have to learn to juggle new circumstances but trust me it happens to everyone and I've no doubt a lovely lad like you will try and keep this guys ftiendship.
Best of luck in this new phase of your life.
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