Managing visitors to house on discharge

73trix

It's a bit silly, in the greater scheme of things like having to experience labour and birth etc, etc BUT I'm wondering about when we get home with baby for the first couple of days.

My OH's parents will be very keen (understandably) to hightail it down to see baby. They live a few hours away. I'm anxious that they will want to stay with us for couple of days but I THINK I would really prefer to be just the three of us for first couple of days to get to grips etc. I really don't fancy having my in-laws there when I arrive home from hospital, tired and emotional and then have visitors on top of things. How do others manage this when a day trip is not really an option?

Or am I mad NOT to have the extra help when we get home??

Then I was also wondering about my OH having the opportunity to "wet the baby's head", as you do. He said he'd like his dad there. So I wondered about the in-laws coming while I'm in the hospital and staying with my beloved that night but then he doesn't fancy leaving us for that first nite or 2 and wants to be with us as much as possible. But then maybe partners do get turfed out after a certain time and he will be back home alone anyway??

Hmmmm... at least with my family, while they are not local either, they will be day tripping to see us in hospital as more do-able, and come visit later on.

Victor

I think one way to do it would be to arrange in advance for a specific date / time for them to visit. While it might be nice to have (a limited number of) visitors in the first few days, it is really a time for healing and bonding and people should (but not always will) be understanding of this. One thing you could do is invite them to day trip on day 3 and then invite them to overnight for the baptism and have that 2-3 weeks later.

If the parents will want to stay a few days, how about booking them into a B&B?

73trix

Its too far for a day trip. They will want to come to the hospital asap. Might be weird suggesting a b&B as they always stay with us but perhaps my beloved/ their son needs to brace that, not me!

RentDayBlues

73trix wrote: »

Its too far for a day trip. They will want to come to the hospital asap. Might be weird suggesting a b&B as they always stay with us but perhaps my beloved/ their son needs to brace that, not me!

Why not just be upfront and tell everyone that you don't want anyone staying overnight in the house for the first week, why would you? You need that time to recover and it's not as if they'll get sleep with a new baby. I would let your partner tell his family

We had no hospital visitors or visitors to the house for the first day, it was so lovely to have our little family time. Everyone visited the next day but no one stayed, despite long drives

lazygal

I would be upfront and not worry about being rude. If we have any more I'll be much stricter on who I let visit me in hospital. I wouldn't let the idea of help sway you - you'll want to get to grips with the baby and having loads of people in and out won't help this at all. The very last thing I'd have wanted is people staying in the house because no matter what you'll feel like you have to make them a cuppa, have a meal ready and the place tidy. None of which you should be worrying about with a newborn.

TL/DR don't have visitors if you don't want to and tell them firmly you'll let them know when they can visit not the other way around.

indigo twist

We had people fall out with us because they arrived unexpected bearing gifts and wanting to see baby ... at 8pm at night, just after we got out of hospital, when me and baby were in bed trying our best to get breastfeeding going (it wasn't working, and both me and baby were exhausted and stressed. Not a chance was I going to get us both up and washed and dressed.)

I wouldn't worry about offending people like that. If they are going to act with so little consideration for a new mother and baby, they should be thick-skinned enough to deal with an honest straightforward "Now is not a good time."

er1983

indigo twist wrote: »

We had people fall out with us because they arrived unexpected bearing gifts and wanting to see baby ... at 8pm at night, just after we got out of hospital, when me and baby were in bed trying our best to get breastfeeding going (it wasn't working, and both me and baby were exhausted and stressed. Not a chance was I going to get us both up and washed and dressed.)

I wouldn't worry about offending people like that. If they are going to act with so little consideration for a new mother and baby, they should be thick-skinned enough to deal with an honest straightforward "Now is not a good time."

Oh my god, I cannot believe the time they turned up and you only out of hospital. I'd be fuming

January

Tell the in laws they can come if they want but they'll be staying in a b&b or hotel.

Dolbert

This has been on my mind lately. My baby's due around Christmas and I'm slightly panicky about how to manage the slew of well-meaning seasonal visitors. My family's already talking about staying over and cooking Christmas dinner at my house, and while it's a nice idea, it sounds like waaay too much if I'll just be out of hospital. Just have to find a way to say it without hurting anyone's feelings, urgh

73trix

Hard one, isn't it? chatted to himself about it since and it looks loke his parents will come for one night when I am in hospital but I have gently asked that they go when I get home as I want a day or 2 with just the 3 of us and becuase I expect to be wrecked and don't want any visitors. I couldn't bring myself to suggest a b&b for them. Sure, he'll get kicked out of the hospital at 9pm ish anyway, might be nice for him to have the company but I would like them to go before babe and I get home.

Christmas?? Whoa...that will be a whole other dilemma - who's house to go to as we will be wanted at both houses. I'm not a great visitor for more than a day or 2 at the best of times and think it will be a bit strange when I have the baby, breastfeeding etc in another house with the in-laws etc but OH will want us to stay for a few days as he is very close to his family, doesn't see them too often cos of distance etc and would happily spend a week there! :eek: But that's a couple months away....right?!!!