Bovine Assertion Skills- How to grade.

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A tongue in cheek look at cattle handling proficiency.


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Grades of Cattle Handling Abilty [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]by Anton Coaker [/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]"Over the years, I’ve subjected various youngsters to a cack handed form of OJT (‘on job training’) in cattle handling. The jocular reference, in house, is to the ‘bovine assertion’ skill levels achieved. We’ve seen every level of competence attained in a skill that’s hard to explain, and rarely really mastered. In fact, for the benefit of trying to formalise these things, we’ve now quantified the system humorously applied to operatives hereabouts. I’m sure you’ll find it instructive.[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Bovine assertion:[/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Grade one. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]This degree of competence is outlined by the ability to hold a stick and wave it, recognise a docile old South Devon as a cow and make her walk along in front of you. An alternative measure would be the ability to stand in a gap, preventing cattle from escaping through it. Most individuals can usually attain grade one without too much instruction.
I regret to admit that I once failed to ever bring a certain employee up to this level despite lengthy and careful tuition. In my defence, the individual could hardly count to three twice and get the same answer. He no longer works with livestock

Grade two.
A ‘grade two bullock handler’ is likely of urban upbringing, but has learnt, after gentle reminding, to use his voice when he is driving the ‘litmus paper’ docile South Devon cow. When she turns her head, he will know to raise the stick as well as his voice. A ‘grade two’ may not manage to stop her if she walks at him, or likewise stop the group of yearlings advancing at the gap he is blocking.


Grade three.
We can now start to introduce trickier elements, safe in the assumption that operatives with this grade of skill will actually come in handy. I would expect a grade three handler to be able to notice his charges are starting to turn their heads, and be able to do something about it. If I were happy with the animal, I would allow a grade three to occasionally handle a particularly dopey bull. (This is a touchy subject, as the dopiest bull ever will soon pick up when his handler is incompetent/ scared. I’ve known real softies become stroppy when left with a grade three handler for any length of time – in fact, I’ve known owners of bulls only manage a grade three level themselves, but we won’t talk about that.)
Grade three should include the ability to look at a group of 10-15 cows and notice if one of them is dead/actually calving/walking on 3 legs. Never rely on this assessment though.

Grade four.
We’re starting to get into realms difficult to achieve from a late start now. Grade four bovine assertion skills include being able to spot the individual in the group who is going to turn the rest, and get a stick across its nose before it upsets the apple cart. Equally, you might expect a ‘grade 4’ to handle the bull often, (without ‘Brutus’ ever realising that he out weighs his handler by about a tonne), or cast his eye over 40-50 cows and spot the one off on its own/with a festering wound/ actually missing. It isn’t safe to rely on this inspection either, but hey! you can’t be everywhere.
A ‘grade four’ qualification is, I’m afraid, as high as you’re likely to achieve from an adult/urban start. Take comfort that many a full time farmers who would struggle to better this degree of skill – including, I fear, your scribe.

Grade five.
Due to the esoteric nature of the calibre of grade five cattle handlers, a system of merit stars might be awarded on top of this top grade. The higher skill levels vary due to circumstance, becoming extremely specialised in each sphere of operation. The finer points of managing milch cows are inevitably different to that of handling semi-feral hill cows, or large numbers of young fattening bulls.
We’ll explore the basic grade five requirements, as an indication of the incredible level of intuitive feeling and understanding expected at this level. (Remember, few people are qualified to judge this level.)
A grade five operative has been amongst bovines all of his or her life –and I have known several females quite able to hold a grade five qualification-. They likely absorbed their knowledge subconsciously from when they could walk, at father or granfers knee. They would likely have been passable grade 2 cattlemen by the time they started school, and level 3 going on 4 by the time they were in secondary education. Going to agri-college will have had little impact on their proficiency; many have had no further education. By adulthood, they will have mastered ethereal skills that the unenlightened can scarcely grasp. They’re never silent in the immediate presence of cattle, but rather murmur to them all the while, identifying the difficult individuals in any group. By habit they will ensure they don’t get left with ‘old grumpy’ in the collecting pen, but rather insisted she went on through before she even thought to get arsey. The bull’s ears quickly droop when he is in the presence of a grade 5 handler, knowing he’s subordinate but safe. A grade 5 stockman can be parachuted in to take charge of a stroppy youngster, and re-educate it.
The ability to notice husbandry problems at a glance is a given, although doing this whilst driving past a strangers herd of cattle at 50mph, is something hard to grasp to the uninitiated, but goes on none the less.
I recognise theses upper echelons of my profession, if only to aspire to them. I’ve known candidates for merit stars who display a deep affinity for cattle us mere mortals can barely imagine, and I salute them" [/FONT]