Post Weight Loss Issues

LegacyUser

Hello, this is going to be a long post so I apologise in advance.

I'm 27 years old and for my whole adult life I've hovered between overweight and obese. A few years ago I lost 4.5 stone, and have kept in or around that weight for a few years (gaining some back and losing it again). This year I realised that I was starting to gain a lot again and decided to get down to a healthy weight once and for all. My breasts had sagged a bit after my large loss in 2009, but despite my size I was ok with my body for the most part.

In April of this year I gave my life an overhaul and started eating healthier foods, walking and swimming. I upped my water and did everything I could to ensure my diet was balanced and I was losing weight at a slow and steady rate, which would be sustainable. I'm now the lightest I have been since my early teens and about 1.5 stone away from my goal weight.

The problem is that my body is utterly destroyed. My entire torso is covers in stretch marks and excess skin, my arms are among the worst I've seen and my breasts are so bad I can't even look at them in the mirror. I am spending a lot of my time wearing 2 bras, support tights/undies and making sure my arms are completely covered at all times. My belly skin is hanging down and is full of hard lumps of what I think is leftover fat.

I disgust myself. Today I went shopping for a dress for an event and I had a full on meltdown after having to look at myself in changing rooms. I ended up sobbing in the centre of town and having to run to the nearest loos to try and calm down. I have a very supportive partner who always tells me I am gorgeous, but I won't even let him see me naked anymore because I am so ashamed and self conscious. I feel like I am being dramatic and shallow because at the end of the day, it's just looks isn't it? But it isn't. I am getting welts on my ribs from trying to support what's left of my chest. If you saw a picture of my body alone, it is like that of a woman 40 or 50 years older than me who has had children.

My body issues are seeping into every facet of my life. I have a stressful job and am constantly on the go trying to find time for my partner, friends and exercise around that. I think maybe a factor of how I feel is pure exhaustion? I have given getting healthy my all and I am left with a ruined body. I didn't want to look like a model or expect a perfect body, but I didn't expect to look worse than when I was 6 stone overweight.

I don't think I will be able to spend the rest of my life feeling like this, so I looked into cosmetic surgery and quotes range from €15,000 to €20,000. I think this is what sent me over the edge. I will never be able to spend that kind of money on it. I can't fix myself and it's killing me.

I have spent most my adult life being a confident, loud, happy in herself person.... Even when I was obese. I would have pitied someone like me, someone so wrapped up in their looks that they can't just live their life, somebody this self obsessed.

I don't want to be this person but I can't see a way forward. Any advice would be appreciated.

December2012

Have you spoken with either a doctor or a personal trainer about your skin?

R.D. aka MR.D

If you can't afford the surgery then maybe you would consider getting help from a mental health professional.

A friend of mine was in a similar position. When I met her, it bothered her a lot and she would constantly be annoyed about it but couldn't afford the surgery either. Slowly she came to accept herself and it's not causing her so much anguish.

She still looks the same as before but what has changed is the way that she looks at herself.

I think if you can't afford the surgery then you need to get help to raise your confidence. It might seem like you could never accept your body the way that it is but it's about a change in perspective. You can change your thinking.

sunnyt

First of all well done on losing so much weight. You should be proud of yourself even if you don't like what you see in the mirror at the moment.
I'm going to echo the replies of the other posters; talk to your GP and see about counselling. Also are you in a gym or would you look into personal training.]? I swim and run but I am far from toned! A personal trainer could work with you to target specific areas. It's not surgery but you would see some results. If that is not an option (PT is expensive) most gyms will give you a programme to suit your needs when you join and usually you get a free review every 3-6 months.
You should be proud of the new you. I'm sure the world sees a lady with a great figure and what is obvious to you is not obvious to the rest of us. Have you thought about getting a personal shopper to help you select a dress? A lot of the big department stores offer this service for free. You call them and make an appointment. You can tell them what you want. I have a big chest so I never want a strapless dress and I can ask them to have a couple of things ready in my size with some styles that I would be comfortable in when I get to the store. It takes some of the stress out of shopping and might help you a little.
Good luck with it op. x

LegacyUser

Thanks to all of you for your replies.

I think maybe I do need some help in accepting myself as I am. At the moment it's beyond comprehension to me but maybe some CBT or something would help, so I'll look into that.

It is sad, everyone I know has been saying that I most be delighted with myself. I've always taken pride in my appearance in terms of hair and makeup, and I have an odd style which I've always liked. To the rest of the world I probably do look like a normal size 12 woman but I kind of feel like it's a lie because there's nothing normal about my body.

When I was starting out I was concerned this might happen so I spoke to a GP who suggested that I take up swimming again, as it would be good for toning without being hard on my joints. She said that at my age if I lost weight at a slow pace and stayed well hydrated that I shouldn't have an issue with excess skin, as it usually affects people who either lose weight very fast or had more weight than me to lose. I think I must have just been unlucky with my skin type.

I might have a look into a PT but I am not sure they can do much as while the bad areas on my stomach still have some fat, it's the skin that has sagged, and likewise with my chest and arms.

I am starting to suffer ill effects of having excess skin but have been embarrassed to go back to the GP because I don't think there's anything she can do. I guess for now I'll have to push on with getting as healthy as I can, maybe sorting out my head to deal with it a bit better and then worrying about it later.

I don't know anyone else who has been through this and it's isolating because it's embarrassing to talk to people about. I told 2 of my female friends who were dubious as to how bad it could be, so I showed them my chest just to prove a point and tbh, they were both horrified. And it sucks that my body draws that reaction.

If I can't fix the physical, I think I'll have to focus on the emotional and mental for now. Thanks again.

Semele

Your GP should be your first port of call for advice on surgical options if there are any or for a referral for psychological support.

My last placement was in a hospital, in the surgical unit. It was in the UK so things may be different, but a lot of what I did was psychological assessment for people seeking cosmetic surgery on the NHS. Almost every referral that I saw was granted funding, and a good number of them were around the aftermath of weight loss.

It's worth asking your doctor to investigate options anyway. Calling it cosmetic surgery lumps this kind of thing in with bum implants etc and implies the taxpayer is funding vanity procedures, whereas in fact many of the people I saw had "cosmetic" issues so far outside the normal range of things that they could be considered deformities, and the NHS has the foresight to recognise the impact on wellbeing this had for some people. It's only "cosmetic" in that there isn't a functional, medical consequence, but that doesn't mean it's not highly distressing and even disabling for some people.

I also saw people for therapy around body issues (usually CBT-based with some mindfulness exercises) and would definitely advise that as another option. Most people I saw were really nervous at first about seeking mental health help but found it very useful in the end and took a lot of strategies away from it to use themselves.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

Batgurl

If you haven't already, invest in the best underwear you can find. It might sound mental but a few €100 on good quality bras and pants will not only do wonders for your figure but it will boost your self esteem. Way cheaper than surgery too.

I used to buy the bog standard penny's/dunnes/M&S ones but now I only buy wonderbra/la perla/gossard. Only buy white, black and nude (go with everything) and also invest in a few fitted camis, silhouette slips and body sheaths to wear under dresses and work gear. Expensive but worth the investment.

Well done on the weight loss-you are an inspiration and I guarantee you that's all people think when they see you, not your lumps and bumps

RZoran

Have you checked out what type of prices are available in some of the accredited hospitals that routinely cater to medical tourists in a country like Mexico? That is probably the route I would go if I was in same situation.

sadie06

Huge congratulations on your impressive weight loss. The commitment you have shown to get that far is outstanding!

I'm sorry that you don't feel fully rewarded for all your hard work, and that you are struggling so much with your body image. Regarding the surgery, I presume that price includes all the problem areas that you wish to tackle. Have you thought about breaking down the procedures, and prioritising them?

You mention your breasts as not only being a problem for you cosmetically, but also causing discomfort. Could you save or get a loan for a breast lift, and take that as your starting point? The advice to seek help and work on your self esteem is completely valid, but I also feel that if you were moving towards your end goal, however slowly, that would give you greater peace of mind.

Best of luck!

Dixie Chick

Congratulations on the weight loss. I really feel for you, you have worked extremely hard.

15-20K as a personal loan would be what some people would get for a car....I would go for it. That's just my personal take on it

Best of luck op

zef

Op well done on your weight loss.
I have heard anecdotal stories about women in Ireland qualifying on the GMS for breast implants and reduction if there is acute embarrassment or discomfort.
Perhaps have a chat with your gp to see if anything could be done to help you. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I'm a guy who has gynecomastia ("male boobs") and who is on the medical card. I went to my doctor and explained to him how bad it was making me feel. He wrote a letter to a plastic surgeon in one of the Dublin hospitals, whom I have now met. The surgeon will carry out the operation as soon as I get down to the required weight, and the Irish state will pay for it (although there is a bit of a waiting list). Best of luck. Oh, and well done!

ruthy_2504

Well done Op on your journey so far.

I'm following your thread with interest as I am in a similar situation though not near as severe as yours sounds to be.

I was always a heavier child than all my friends, and through my teens went through various bouts of dieting with no lasting success.

Roll on to 2007 and at 23 I decided to p or get off the pot so to speak! I lost 3 1/2 stone over 2 yrs, sticking the golden pound a week. I am however left with the saggy tummy that on a bad day I despise more than the tummy I had with 3 1/2 extra stone! Thankfully those days are definitely the minority and most days I can park the dislike and be fairly content with who I am.

Op i do realise that nothing anybody says can change how you feel about yourself, however don't be so hard on yourself. We are our own worst critics, partly due to the pass remarkable society we live in. I'm sure if you saw a woman with what you perceive to be your perfect figure and asked her if she was happy with her body she'd have some point to pick on.

Take some time and recognise the hard work you've put in to get to where you are rather than beating yourself up. Good luck x

Teyla Emmagan

Well done on your weight loss OP. I think you're amazing! I also think you should go and see your GP. There must be some waiting list for plastic surgery you can go on if the skin and sagging is affecting your state of mind so badly. Also, as someone else says think about getting a personal loan. It's not that much money in comparison with your happiness. Even if you started with a breast lift so you are not dealing with the welts any more. It's fantastic the difference you have already made to your long term health, and that's the main thing. But you can't have welts on your chest forever and there has to be something the HSE can do for you. Don't give up!!

LegacyUser

Hi O.P.

First of all Congratulations on transforming yourself and more importantly your lifestyle,

I just wanted to tell you that I had cosmetic surgery paid for by the state. I used to have an ear that stuck out more than the other, and one day after my brother teasing too much about this I went to my dad in tears who took me to the G.P.

The GP asked me only one question "Do you think about this issue in your everyday life and does it bother you?"

I told him yes , I thought about my looks (ear) each day and it really got me upset.

He said I qualified for treatment as this was affecting my ability to have a normal life and wrote to the local hospital. I met with a lovely doctor there and a few months later I got a call to tell me to come in for the operation. I only paid the hospital admin fee of 90 pounds (before euro).
Best thing I ever did , no doubt about it.

I hope you do the same and don't stop your new healthy ways. Please find the support of a friend / partner / parent and go to the GP for some professional advice. Don't do it alone.

I just had to write this reply, as I too was overwhelmed at how I was going to fix this , no money at 16, but thankfully there are option available through your GP.

The very best of luck, you've been through so much but it is worth it , keep doing what you are doing OP

LegacyUser

There are no words to thank you all for your input. Your kind words and encouragement have meant the world to me. To those of you who have shared your own stories, you have given me some hope and the courage to speak to a doctor, it's been inspiring and made me determined not to give up. I didn't think the public system here would help me (I have a friend who was given a breast lift and reduction on the NHS in England) because it's technically cosmetic but it is painful, embarrassing, uncomfortable and I feel deformed.

I have a little bit of money saved up in the CU, it was supposed to be for a new car but of worst comes to worst and the public health system can't help me, I'll get a loan to get my chest fixed. It's definitely the worst part and is making me feel unwomanly. In the mean time, I'm going to seek out some support to continue working on how I feel about myself. I have worked hard and am fit and overall have my health which I don't take for granted.

Just setting out how I really feel and getting some honest opinions and advice has really helped me. The only person I've really opened up to is my boyfriend who is wonderfully supportive but I find it hard to let him see how much I dislike my body as it upsets him to see me so distressed. Being able to vent honestly has been wonderful. It's given me some perspective and clarity, so thank you all for taking the time to reply to me.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me, I'll need it when I go see the doctor (going to wait until I have another stone off and am at the cusp of goal weight).

Faith

Hateit27 wrote: »

(going to wait until I have another stone off and am at the cusp of goal weight).

Just on this note - is there a significant amount of loose skin? Because that could be masking your true weight and you might be much closer to your goal weight than you realise. You might not need to lose another stone, all things considered. I'd talk to a doctor sooner rather than later, and they can assess that.