Selfish to emigrate

LegacyUser

Do you think its selfish to be emigrating and leaving parents in their 60s behind?

I have three siblings who are a fair bit older all with families. I am single, and it seems like half the people my age group have moved.

I have recently gotten a decent job here after years of struggling but I want to move (maybe work transfer) after about 2 years experience.

I would feel slightly bad about not being around when they are getting old and feeble, but sure, I dunno, thats life?

charlietheminxx

Life is for living! Carpe diem and get going. You can always visit or move home should you change your mind? I am sure your parents would hate to think they held you back.

tinkerbell

OP you have to live your life. It would be selfish of them to guilt you into staying at home.

Faith

Your parents are in their 60s, not their 90s! The day before I emigrated, my 69-year old dad had tied two ladders together and was very precariously perched on the roof of the shed, power-hosing it. There's not much that they need me for!

Live your life for you. I'm sure your parents would be horrified by the idea of you putting your life on hold for them. They could very reasonably live another 30 years now - do you want to end up in YOUR sixties when your parents eventually pass on, regretting everything you didn't do?

Stavro Mueller

I think you should go while you have the chance. This sort of thing happens all the time - the single one in the family or the one living nearest falls in for the brunt of the caring while the others stand back (or shirk their responsibility). You're not the only one who can help your parents so don't take it all onto your shoulders.

You don't know what'll happen down the line. For all you know your parents might not need much help. You might decide in a few years time that you'd rather live near your parents. Nobody can predict the future so don't go making up worse-case scenarios which might not happen. Worry about it if/when it happens.

emuhead

I have siblings abroad (my parents are also in their 60s and 3 of 5 of their children are living abroad). My parents have embraced Skype, travelling more, WhatsApp, Viber and of course they miss my siblings but I can see they're happy to see them progress in a way they never could have in Ireland. And they share other cultures etc. Just my 2 cents. Go for it. It's not like it's a one way door, you can come back!

Windorah

As a (soon to be) permanent resident in Australia I totally understand the guilt.

Its true though. U have to choose what's right for u. And the world is a much smaller place with flights available at all hours of the day!

Honestly I speak to my family more when I'm abroad than when I'm at home!! There's Skype, viber, what's app, Facebook...

If at all possible would u be able to buy them tickets out to visit u when u get set up?

CaraMay

They are only in their 60's and have support at home from your siblings so GO.

If however you think you might, in the future, regret missing out on years with them then don't.

LegacyUser

As someone with older parents, I would say definately do it now.

Cos to be blunt, in 10-15 years you may have to be helping out taking care of them. You may have already been back home a good few years by that point, and you'll be bloody glad you got to see the world.

I got to travel during my twenties. My parents were older, but still independant. Not too needy. But by the time I was 33 one had had a stroke, and the other aged 10 years overnight.

I now take care of them on a daily basis. They live at home & have home helps etc. But it is full time care regardless. They are both early 80's and not well. It is a huge burden of care.

I don't mind all this ( much) cos I had a brilliant time in my twenties. And afterwards I was able to have a family. But if I had put off any of that I'd be f***ed now.

So go, and have a ball. While you can.

Mr. Loverman

Of course it's selfish to emigrate - you are doing what's best for you. But that's not a bad thing. You have to live your life.

Your parents don't have to become feeble. I live in China where old people continue to be active until they die. I see them every morning doing tai chi and going for walks and using the free exercise equipment on the street. Same with Japan, one of the main reasons they live so long is because they remain active. So your parents can greatly improve their quality of life when they're older by choosing to be active instead of choosing a sedentary lifestyle (which causes muscle and bone loss). So maybe you can encourage them to be more active.

Good luck.

Neyite

Go.

Anytime in the next 20 years you could return home and they could still be in fine fettle. So go while they are 'young' pensioners, then you have more options career wise when you do need to perhaps work your life around their care.

Any older folk I know are well able to work skype, whatsapp, facetime etc.

Dial Hard

guest06092014 wrote: »

Do you think its selfish to be emigrating and leaving parents in their 60s behind?

I would feel slightly bad about not being around when they are getting old and feeble, but sure, I dunno, thats life?

Jaysis, 60s is hardly invalid territory, in fairness. My dad is 66 and still refs football matches for the UCL. He'd howl laughing if he read this.

Just go. If the worst happens and someone's health declines rapidy they've three other kids still here.