Wife Going in For Mastectomy - What to expect, how to support?

Esho

Hi,

My wife was dx with breast cancer in April.

The chemo is over and the operation is next week.

She will be in hosp for 3 days - day 1 is the op, day 2 and 3 is recovery.

Will she be able to or want to read/ watch dvds/ listen to music in the hosp?
Is there anything else I could bring her?

What will she need when she get home?

I just can't get my head around it- any words to the wise appreciated?

renmorenewbie

Firstly I'm sorry to read about your wifes diagnosis but remember everone has a different story, recovery times and issues so be careful of what you may read on the internet as it may not apply to your wifes situation. Have you been in touch with the Irish Cancer Society or local cancer support group or her breast care nurse? For you as much as for her.

Having had a double mastectomy last year I can say I got a list from the Breast care nurse of what to bring; front opening pyjamas & tops as as her movement will be restricted on the operated side. Had a playlist of my music & tablet kept me going, wasn't interested in reading, especially not glossy magazines with celebrities looking fabulous.

Pratically she will be restricted in what she can do when she gets home and for weeks after; no strenuous exercise, hoovering, heavy cleaning, driving, shopping anything that involves stretching & lifting....these jobs you can do.
I needed help having a shower & getting dressed the first time but every day saw some progress in recovery. She may be nervous being out in public spaces in case anyone bumps / brushes off her so take her lead.

Then we needed to return to clinic for changes to dressings, have fluid drained & check on scars, these were opportunities to ask questions about dos and donts.

I wish you well this week and in weeks to come. Most importantly be there for her as you are.

renmorenewbie

Firstly I'm sorry to read about your wifes diagnosis but remember everone has a different story, recovery times and issues so be careful of what you may read on the internet as it may not apply to your wifes situation. Have you been in touch with the Irish Cancer Society or local cancer support group or her breast care nurse? For you as much as for her.

Having had a double mastectomy last year I can say I got a list from the Breast care nurse of what to bring; front opening pyjamas & tops as as her movement will be restricted on the operated side. Had a playlist of my music & tablet kept me going, wasn't interested in reading, especially not glossy magazines with celebrities looking fabulous.

Pratically she will be restricted in what she can do when she gets home and for weeks after; no strenuous exercise, hoovering, heavy cleaning, driving, shopping anything that involves stretching & lifting....these jobs you can do.
I needed help having a shower & getting dressed the first time but every day saw some progress in recovery. She may be nervous being out in public spaces in case anyone bumps / brushes off her so take her lead.

Then we needed to return to clinic for changes to dressings, have fluid drained & check on scars, these were opportunities to ask questions about dos and donts.

I wish you well this week and in weeks to come. Most importantly be there for her as you are.

Esho

Thank you for this. She had the operations, and is recovering.
Your supports was very much appreciated.

Leogirl

I'm due a mastectomy in March. If you have any further advice I'd really appreciate it. I'm 38 with a 20 week old baby. I'm guessing I won't be able for too much with her but how long before things return to normal?

renmorenewbie

Hi Leo girl

Firstly congratulations on the arrival of your bundle of love. You have someone much on my heart goes out to you.

I guess your recovery depends on how complicated your surgery is, double or single mastectomy, with or without reconstruction.
Do you know if you are having further treatment?

It seems obvious to say but the first week is the hardest and you will see improvements daily.
Do you have a support network, family, friends, neighbours? I would give everyone who offers a job, make dinners, shopping, wash baby's laundry, send your own laundry to laundrette to come back folded. Delegate as much as you can and if you don't have a network. ..well prioritize what's important. lower your standards for a month..stock up on preprepared or chilled food..don't try to be superwoman.

I prepped my kichen/house and imagined not being able to lift or reach as had surgery on both sides. So lowered things onto counter level.

Guess you could something similar with your baby..maybe it could be easier to change nappies on mat on the floor of the living room for a week or two...leave them.in babygro all day...get dad or someone else to do baths.
So practise doing things with one hand.and rearrange things to suit.

I'm not sure if this is what you wanted to know but if there's anything else I can help with just ask

getaroom

Leogirl wrote: »

I'm due a mastectomy in March. If you have any further advice I'd really appreciate it. I'm 38 with a 20 week old baby. I'm guessing I won't be able for too much with her but how long before things return to normal?

No matter how bad you or your family feels, phone your dedicated cancer nurse.
I had reason to ring one day and she was not there. The following day she rang back while I was on the M50, I pulled over and cried for 40 minutes before I could talk, she waited on the line until I was able to talk.

Leogirl

Thank you both. It's a single mastectomy. Implant at same time.

Is it really very painful?? I'm quite nervous.

renmorenewbie

The breast care nurses are great and can give you a lot of practical advice.
No matter what you're worried about they really can help.

You will get lots of pain relief so you shouldn't be in pain, or if you are tell them.
After about 4 days was on paracetamol alone.
I had a crop top and a tight band to wear around my chest 24/7 for a good few weeks, to keep implants in place, which was uncomfortable but just kept ticking off the days until that came off.

Is your reconstruction implant only?
I had latismus dorsis reconstruction. This involved taking muscle from the back, bringing it round to the front under the skin under the arms to act as slings for the implants. This meant incisions front and back and yes the incisions / stitches were sore but after the first two weeks things really started to get better.

The physio will give you exercises to do after ..do these as they work to recover your range of motion.

Be kind to yourself

Leogirl

renmorenewbie wrote:

Is your reconstruction implant only? I had latismus dorsis reconstruction. This involved taking muscle from the back, bringing it round to the front under the skin under the arms to act as slings for the implants. This meant incisions front and back and yes the incisions / stitches were sore but after the first two weeks things really started to get better.

Hi.

Yes as far as is planned so far it's implant only but I'm meeting plastic surgeon next week+ have lymph node removed next week too. I think that will confirm everything

I'm dreading this. Stupidly thought it'd be nothing more than a boob job+ loads of people get them without any real bother.

renmorenewbie

No its not a boob job no matter what way you look at it. I'm not being doom & gloom but dont underestimate this. For me the surgery and chemo were easiest, I was exhausted at times and mainly from the emotional roller coaster.
In some ways it's more like having a baby...I hit a low a few days after surgery when they reduced pain killers and steroids. ..but it made sense when I thought about it...I was coming down off a high!!! So enjoy the drugs

Also dealing with other peoples emotions was hard.
I don't want to frighten you but again it's a bit like having a baby....us women believe we're superwomen...We abbreviate major abdominal surgery to "c section" and compare breast cancer surgery to a boob job.

Cut yourself some slack you have a lot on....just go with the flow but be your own advocate in your treatment ..ask lots of questions and lean on people. .ask for help people like to help.

X

Leogirl

This is really good to hear. I found chemo quite easy. I also found childbirth+ recovery a bit too easy. I was fine. Maybe I'll be ok with this one too :-)

I usually try to avoid painkillers + cope without but I think I'll go against my usual ways for this one :-)

Thank you so much!

renmorenewbie

Great so you really are superwoman.
I just wallow here in the human world.
Best of luck
; )

Leogirl

renmorenewbie wrote:

Great so you really are superwoman. I just wallow here in the human world. Best of luck ; )

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound cocky or anything! I had an easier tolerated chemo+ I was kind of spoiled after giving birth as I'd just been diagnosed a couple of weeks beforehand. Under normal circumstances I'm sure I'd have struggled like most new mums. :-)

renmorenewbie

Only being sarcastic