From sex to date?

LegacyUser

Hi guys

Going unregged here as Im a boardsie but dont post on this forum.

I was recently on grindr and had a hook up with a guy.

The thing is from looking at his profiles on grindr and other sites I think that he would like a relationship. I don't normally do hook ups and I get the feeling he doesn't either. I think he might have judged me because we had a hook up.

I want to ask him on a date but feel a bit awkward and shy about it.

Any advice

Daith

Just say "Hey" and ask him to meet for a coffee or a drink?

lucasmaximus

Aww, sounds cute. Jusk ask him out, keep it nonchalant

BuffyBot

Daith wrote: »

Just say "Hey" and ask him to meet for a coffee or a drink?

This. Worst he can do is say no, and life moves on

J_E

It's quite common a hookup can become a friendship/relationship.

Mr.Frame

Ask.....

LegacyUser

Ask how? Really casually?

I'm just really nervous. Long story but I'm 34 and never had a boyfriend

J_E

unreggd9545 wrote: »

Ask how? Really casually?

I'm just really nervous. Long story but I'm 34 and never had a boyfriend

"Do you want a coffee/drink sometime" - They'll get the message.

Aard

unreggd9545 wrote: »

Ask how? Really casually?

I'm just really nervous. Long story but I'm 34 and never had a boyfriend

Whether in person or text, just be (for want of a better word) normal about it. Don't give a brusque, super-casual, I-do-this-all-the-time one-liner, but conversely there's no need to write him a sonnet. If he says no, then at least you've found out now rather than after months of agonising. There's nothing to lose.

Mr.Frame

unreggd9545 wrote: »

Ask how? Really casually?

I'm just really nervous. Long story but I'm 34 and never had a boyfriend

That's kinda cute

You're never too old to have a boyfriend.

All you say or txt,,"fancy going for a drink some night during the week"?
IF he says yes ,great, if it's a no , you move on and try with someone else sometime.

There are lots of guys who want to date and have a relationship ,even those on gaydar or grindr.

Good luck and do let us know how you get on

LegacyUser

I asked and he said yes to meet up

Mr.Frame

unreggd9545 wrote: »

I asked and he said yes to meet up

Yeah! Well done you
Keep us informed now wont ya

MiloDublin

I always though gays do it the other way around, sex first and then exchange of names etc. I have a straight friend who envies the lifestyle and says getting laid with women is an uphill wining and dining struggle. I think if the physical chemistry is there on both sides there is an opening so go for it!

LegacyUser

Its weird. He said Yes but when I asked when suited him there was no reply.

The conversation more or less went like this (although a bit more elaborated)

Thursday night

Me; hey would you like to go for coffee or drink sometime
Him; Yes that would be great
Me; Cool I'm flexible timewise
Him; Nice one

Friday lunchtime;
Me; Cool when mighy suit you

Saturday - He's on but no response

MiloDublin

unreggd9545 wrote: »

Its weird. He said Yes but when I asked when suited him there was no reply.

The conversation more or less went like this (although a bit more elaborated)

Thursday night

Me; hey would you like to go for coffee or drink sometime
Him; Yes that would be great
Me; Cool I'm flexible timewise
Him; Nice one

Friday lunchtime;
Me; Cool when mighy suit you

Saturday - He's on but no response

This is a very Irish response; saying what they think you want to hear instead of what they really want to say. I lived in Germany where people seem initially rude because they say what they think, coming back here involved a lot of relearning.

LegacyUser

What do you mean Milo?

J_E

unreggd9545 wrote: »

Its weird. He said Yes but when I asked when suited him there was no reply.

Ask him if he's still interested in meeting up - people can forget/have other commitments, don't be quick to assume he's not interested yet. If he's still messing around, don't retaliate, just say nothing and see when he gets back to you. If he doesn't then - he's probably not really interested.

Aard

If you're going to ask him out, then at least suggest a time and a place. Going from what you have posted it looks like you're expecting him to organise this date! After him saying "Nice one", you should have suggested something. Basically he said yes to you asking him out then you stopped texting. He might have gotten the impressing that you're not serious about it.

LegacyUser

Aard wrote: »

If you're going to ask him out, then at least suggest a time and a place. Going from what you have posted it looks like you're expecting him to organise this date! After him saying "Nice one", you should have suggested something. Basically he said yes to you asking him out then you stopped texting. He might have gotten the impressing that you're not serious about it.

I wasnt asking him to organise more asking when suited him!

Aard

Yeah but you left like 12 hours before you specifically asked when would suit him. Tbh if it were me I wouldn't exactly be racing to text you back. I know what your intentions are, since you've spelled it out in this thread. All your potential date has to go on are three short texts and a huge delay.

ETA: Whatever happened to phoning people?! Instant result!

LegacyUser

Oh god I dunno what to do now.

I sent a grindr message saying

"Hey if you're free during the week maybe we could meet for lunch some time this week?"

No answer

spurious

You - 'I'm free for lunch Xday, would love if you could join me'

a) Him - "Can't do Xday sorry, but what about Y day" - interested
b) Him - "Can't do Xday, sorry" - not interested.


If a) away you go.
If b), leave it.

J_E

unreggd9545 wrote: »

Oh god I dunno what to do now.

I sent a grindr message saying

"Hey if you're free during the week maybe we could meet for lunch some time this week?"

No answer

Can you not phone him? Get his number? Don't message him until he replies anyway or you'll start to look clingy.

LegacyUser

Cydoniac wrote: »

Can you not phone him? Get his number? Don't message him until he replies
anyway or you'll start to look clingy.

How am I supposed to get his number if I shouldnt message him.

You're right though I dont to seem clingy

Mr.Frame

unreggd9545 wrote: »

How am I supposed to get his number if I shouldnt message him.

You're right though I dont to seem clingy

Give it a day or two ,then when hes on, ask how he is ect etc and then maybe say u still up for a pint/lunch during the week ?
If he says yes ,you make the arrangements.
I feel you pain man ,the not knowing what the F*** is going on, give it another try and see what happens.
Best of luck

J_E

unreggd9545 wrote: »

How am I supposed to get his number if I shouldnt message him.

You're right though I dont to seem clingy

Wait until he replies first - it could be a case he's just away and if he comes back to a string of messages it'll give the wrong impression. Sometimes it can be hard to wait but it's better if you do!

LegacyUser

The thing is he's not away. He is on quite often.

Should I wait until he replies?

Mr.Frame

unreggd9545 wrote: »

The thing is he's not away. He is on quite often.

Should I wait until he replies?

Like i said above, give it a day or two, have a small bit of chat first, see how it goes, then ask if hes still up for a meet.
If u constantly keep sending him messages you will come across as being too pushy.
Give it a day or two before you contact him again.

LegacyUser

Ok so I havent heard anything from him. The last message was Sunday. Should I contact him now?

Ash885

Take it from a complete self confessed cling, all you want is closure at this point I'd say. For me, lads need to have the balls to tell you which way or otherwise. If you are to message him, and that's up to you, I'd take it at the angle of getting a responce as to if it's a waste of time waiting around. People do have other things going on, but the fact he's online regularily and stuff, yeah seems a bit cheeky.

LegacyUser

So I think something might be happening!!!!!!

Took Mr Frames advice. Started fairly informally then asked if he still wanted to meet - he said yes! I said cool how about Saturday.

He said; I'll keep you posted!

I said; cool - well look forward to it if you can make it and I got a smily face back!

Healthis

unreggd9545 wrote: »

So I think something might be happening!!!!!!

Took Mr Frames advice. Started fairly informally then asked if he still wanted to meet - he said yes! I said cool how about Saturday.

He said; I'll keep you posted!

I said; cool - well look forward to it if you can make it and I got a smily face back!

Sorry but he's no intention of meeting you. He's just fobbed you off with those texts. The "I'll keep you posted'' basically means he has no interest in meeting you. If this guy was interested then he would make time to meet you. Stop texting this flake, delete his number and move on. Don't come across as desperate op.

Annasopra

Sounds weird but good luck OP

LegacyUser

Healthis wrote: »

Sorry but he's no intention of meeting you. He's just fobbed you off with those texts. The "I'll keep you posted'' basically means he has no interest in meeting you. If this guy was interested then he would make time to meet you. Stop texting this flake, delete his number and move on. Don't come across as desperate op.

I dunno. Maybe you're right. I dont get it.
He says yes as if he is interested but then fudges the issue.

Daith

unreggd9545 wrote: »

I dunno. Maybe you're right. I dont get it.
He says yes as if he is interested but then fudges the issue.

I'd agree that it seems more a fob off than anything. Honestly I think he's just unable to say "No, I don't want to meet" but can't and is hoping you'll just stop texting.

I hope I'm wrong OP though...

LegacyUser

We met for coffee today. It was a bit awkward though. But he did ask if I wanted to meet him again.

Healthis

Awkward in what sense?

azezil

Healthis wrote: »

Awkward in what sense?

Oh gawd I've seen you naked now I have to talk to you kind of way? :pac:

Mr.Frame

unreggd9545 wrote: »

We met for coffee today. It was a bit awkward though. But he did ask if I wanted to meet him again.

Yeaaaa,that's good to hear. All first dates are a bit awkward,but whatsmore is, he asked YOU if you wanted to meet up again,so go for it.
Enjoy it ,dont analise it,try to relax and have a laugh.
Keep us informed

LegacyUser

Healthis wrote: »

Awkward in what sense?

It seemed like he didnt want to be there. He was a bit kind of stony faced and no smiling. Then he rushed off quite abruptly. He said he'd contact me that evening. He didnt.

I dont think he's interested really but then I'm kind of confused because he did meet me for coffee and then he did ask if I wanted to call out to his place again.

Daith

unreggd9545 wrote: »

I dont think he's interested really but then I'm kind of confused because he did meet me for coffee and then he did ask if I wanted to call out to his place again.

Does he just want sex?

Aard

Why are you bothering chasing somebody who acts like that?

Penny Tration

unreggd9545 wrote: »

It seemed like he didnt want to be there. He was a bit kind of stony faced and no smiling. Then he rushed off quite abruptly. He said he'd contact me that evening. He didnt.

I dont think he's interested really but then I'm kind of confused because he did meet me for coffee and then he did ask if I wanted to call out to his place again.

Sounds like he just wants sex. Doesn't want to talk to you sober, is downright rude on a coffee date, but asks you to come over to his?

That should tell you what he wants. Doesn't sound like he wants anything more than a casual ride

Daith

unreggd9545 wrote: »

It seemed like he didnt want to be there. He was a bit kind of stony faced and no smiling. Then he rushed off quite abruptly. He said he'd contact me that evening. He didnt.

Honestly though when you're typing this is there not alarm bells going off in your head?

My advice would be forget him (however hard *that* is) and move on. If he wants more he'll text.

J_E

unreggd9545 wrote: »

It seemed like he didnt want to be there. He was a bit kind of stony faced and no smiling. Then he rushed off quite abruptly. He said he'd contact me that evening. He didnt.

I dont think he's interested really but then I'm kind of confused because he did meet me for coffee and then he did ask if I wanted to call out to his place again.

If you want the ride, by all means go ahead. If you want anything more than that, drop it now. Pretty clear signal for sex only.

floggg

green_screen wrote: »

Sounds like he just wants sex. Doesn't want to talk to you sober, is downright rude on a coffee date, but asks you to come over to his?

That should tell you what he wants. Doesn't sound like he wants anything more than a casual ride

Downright rude?

In all honesty, you've no way of knowing whether his behaviour was rude or not (especially given how little info provided here).

There are many reason why it could be awkward - particularly if he is shy/nervous, or if the OP was himself.

Let's not rush to conclusions.

Though Id leave it to him to make the next move OP.

marcus2000

I was just reading through this today and I was going to suggest that it looks like he aint interested in dating you but was unwilling to say No, as 'he would seem rude'. But after the last post, Im thinking maybe he aint rude. Maybe he is a bit shy in the offline world. Or maybe he hasnt yet moved into accepting that its not just a sex thing....and meeting for coffee could be a big thing for him, and maybe he panicked a little....The suggestion of going back to his could be just that he feels more comfortable there - and not that he just wants sex.

Ok, My suggestion is its been two weeks..and uv gotten no where. Perhaps, you should be direct and honest. Say exactly what you've said here. U want more than sex. you like him and ud like to go on a few dates. you've never been in a relationship and would he like to go for DINNER with you on Friday night? If he says no or cancels, block him