Falling for my best friend

loppyloulou

About 6 months ago whilst living in NZ I met a friend (we’ll call her Ann) through a mutual friend. We become close friends really quickly and decided to leave NZ and come to OZ together. At this time I seen her as nothing more than a friend that I clicked with.

When we go to Oz we moved into a house with 2 other lads, we all got on really well but I started to feel more for than just friendship for Ann. We spend some nights sleeping in each other rooms just cuddling and chatting. One night we were high and ended up kissing a few times, nothing else happened. We never spoke of it again and just went like nothing had happened. I’m bisexual, She doesn't know about my sexuality, she knows I’ve kissed other girls so I’m presuming she has some idea but hasn’t asked so I haven’t said anything.

I find myself constantly looking into your eyes and sometimes she’ll stare back and smile and look at my mouth like she wants to kiss me while other times she’ll get awkward and look away. We do be flirty sometimes too, and always give each other a kiss on the cheek and hug in the morning and night. I maybe reading into to much but I do feel there is something between us.

Here’s where it gets slightly complicated and head wrecking for me - she fancied one of the lads we lived with, and when living with him he showed no interest in her. He moved out about a month ago and Ann and he have since hooked up a few times. She’s mad about him and keeps talking about him, I try my hardest to act like it doesn't bother me and give her advice etc but deep down it hurts me. It bothers me more that I know he’s not into her that much but she’s crazy about him, she knows that herself but is still mad about him.

Ann left on Thursday to go home for a few weeks, we were drunk the night before she left and I was so close to telling her that I had feelings for her, but something in my head told me not to so I didn't. I guess I just don’t know what to do, I’m afraid if I tell her she’ll get freaked and not want to be friends anymore, or things between us will change which I really don’t want to happened cause we live together and I haven’t exactly got a large group of friends out here yet so can’t afford to lose her as a friend either way I don’t want to lose her as a friend.

I don’t know what I’m really looking for here, I can’t see her wanting a relationship or anything because I know she likes boys but I do feel there is more than friendship between us. I just really want to kiss her again and I can’t get her out of my head, I think about her day and night and it’s starting to bother me. She's only been gone a few days and I really really miss her.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or any advice on what way I should go about this? Is there any way to tell if she likes me without me having to ask her? am i reading to much into it?

Thanks all.

Idle Passerby

Hi OP, I'm not sure I can really advise but I wanted to respond as I'm sure its something that's bothering your quite a bit.

It kind of sounds like Ann is somewhat interested in you or maybe bi-curious. Do you know if she has any history with other girls? It might be that if your the first girl she's been with that she's a bit conflicted about it, and that would explain her pointedly talking about the guy she likes, almost as if to maintain a barrier between any romantic progress with you.

She may be under the impression that its just a bit of fun for you too and that her talking about the guy isn't hurtful to you. The fact that she is mad about a guy who she is aware isn't all that interested makes me think that maybe she is just after something casual?

From what you've said I would guess that Ann doesn't want anything serious with you/see's it as a bit of experimentation with a friend but you won't know for sure unless you say something to her.

Its going to be difficult for you to continue living with her, watching her be with others regardless if you say anything or not.So I guess the possible scenarios are: say nothing and drive yourself mad with wondering and seeing her with others. Say something and move out if she's not interested,or say something and find she is interested.

pharmaton

I would say nothing Op. I have been in a similar situation and I could never figure out what she wanted. She had previous female friends who were gay so I suspected she had already been "initiated" and we often went out together in groups. They often made suggestive comments which assumed we were together and I did stay over regularly and slept in her bed on those occasions. She was aware of my sexuality and when I did decide to tell her how I felt she was flattered but assured me that hat we had was just friendship. I decided after that to move on with my life, i thought she would understand how mixed my feelings were but although she was kind about it, she never really understood so I ceased contact.
I wish I had never said a word, I cherished our friendship and fear I have lost out on that in the long run.