Partner Only Has Male Friends

Too Much Make Up

Hi

Just looking for any advice or input on my situation. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 and a half years and we've lived together for 3 of those. She's 24 and I'm 29.

While we're madly in love, we couldn't be more different in terms of hobbies, interests and ambitions. She's the laid back introverted type who as soon as she's finished work loves to sit in pj's watching movies, playing video games and chatting with her mates (all guys) on skype while I'm far more extroverted and very much career driven, workaholic who loves going out on a sesh when I'm off work, going to gigs and dancing like a gobsh*te.

However, one thing that has always bothered me over the time we've been together is her complete lack of female friends and her social circle being only guys. While I accept that the stuff that shes into, be it music, comics, video games etc will mean guys will be drawn to her, its always been hard for me when every time her phone goes off it's some lad asking her to hang out, chat on skype or play games online.

I've done my best to try and ignore it for ages, I've told her how I feel and she see's my point of view and says if girls were into the same things as her she'd be just as comfortable having girl mates, but they're not, and its not her fault guys are drawn to her.

Now in a few weeks time she starts a new course in college where her class is almost 90% males, who will have the exact same interest in the stuff she likes, plus the obvious class nights out and stuff that goes on in college

I'm worried this could drive us apart. I accept this is all to do with my insecurity but I can't help feel the way I do.

Any advice greatly appreciated

R.D. aka MR.D

Wow, reading your post actually upset me a little bit. I pretty much only have male friends, too.

Any of my boyfriends have realised (or at least I hope they did) that I have no interest in those male friends as anything more than friends.

Do you have female friends OP? I'm asking because maybe your insecurities are coming from a mistaken belief that men and women can't be friends.

It also sounds from your post that you have more compatibility problems. Are you bored of the relationship? Are you looking for excuses to end it rather than admit to yourself that you two just aren't compatible?

I don't know what to tell you other than to reiterate that having all male friends shouldn't be a problem. Personally, I just get on better with guys because I was a tomboy growing up and missed out on a lot of the important things that girls need to learn to navigate girl friendships. My idea of hell is shopping and listening to each other's problems over coffee. Male friendships are zero drama. I wouldn't want a boyfriend to look down on me or question my normality because of these things.
You admit that you are insecure. Work on that if you want to stay with her.

strobe

I dunno man, myself and my girlfriend would be quite different in terms of our personalities and what we're into in lot of ways. I know this worried her, (like it's worrying you) in the beginning of our relationship, and probably does still a little bit. But personally, I see our differences as complimentary, rather than clashing. I mean, I don't actually want someone like me. Now, I like me, a lot, I think I'm great, but I already have one of them, the position has been filled.

Talk to her man, let her know that you worry just a little sometimes that maybe she'd prefer to be with someone more like her (I presume that's what this is really about, yeah?), hear what she has to say about things rather than internalising stuff and letting your insecurity be the narrator.

Best of luck.

ManOfMystery

Too Much Make Up wrote: »

Hi

Just looking for any advice or input on my situation. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 and a half years and we've lived together for 3 of those. She's 24 and I'm 29.

While we're madly in love, we couldn't be more different in terms of hobbies, interests and ambitions. She's the laid back introverted type who as soon as she's finished work loves to sit in pj's watching movies, playing video games and chatting with her mates (all guys) on skype while I'm far more extroverted and very much career driven, workaholic who loves going out on a sesh when I'm off work, going to gigs and dancing like a gobsh*te.

However, one thing that has always bothered me over the time we've been together is her complete lack of female friends and her social circle being only guys. While I accept that the stuff that shes into, be it music, comics, video games etc will mean guys will be drawn to her, its always been hard for me when every time her phone goes off it's some lad asking her to hang out, chat on skype or play games online.

I've done my best to try and ignore it for ages, I've told her how I feel and she see's my point of view and says if girls were into the same things as her she'd be just as comfortable having girl mates, but they're not, and its not her fault guys are drawn to her.

Now in a few weeks time she starts a new course in college where her class is almost 90% males, who will have the exact same interest in the stuff she likes, plus the obvious class nights out and stuff that goes on in college

I'm worried this could drive us apart. I accept this is all to do with my insecurity but I can't help feel the way I do.

Any advice greatly appreciated

Your girlfriend could have 1000 male friends, with varying degrees of hotness, but this is all irrelevant assuming she is loyal and only has eyes for you. It only becomes an issue if you don't trust her and wonder if she will end up with one of them. Do you trust her?

strandroad

I don't think you're reasonable to be honest. She meets people through her interests and it just happens that her interests are more popular among guys than girls...

It's different when a girl who's into traditional interests such as pubbing and clubbing shuns all women to turn her back on them and talk to/chat up guys only (often claiming that "girls are hopeless"). But that's not what's happening.

Would you rather have a "girly girl" gf? Are you sure you're compatible?

Meauldsegosha

Too Much Make Up wrote: »

I'm worried this could drive us apart. I accept this is all to do with my insecurity but I can't help feel the way I do.

Any advice greatly appreciated

What a ridiculous statement. Of course you can change the way you feel. They are your insecurities so take responsibility for them. Talk to your girlfriend, read self help books, get counselling.

Or do you expect your girlfriend to change to suit you? That's just selfish.

catonthewire

Hi,


Older woman here , who happens to have lots of close male friends...
I was never a girly girl type, loathed having to fit into what was expected of me simply because of my gender...

My male friends are loyal, open , honest, shoot from the hip guys who like me don't indulge in all the silly scenarios that women indulge in, such as falling out for stupid reasons...
One of my ex's , tried to force me to choose between my male friends and him, solely because he was jealous, he got the heave ho...


Your gf has the right to be friends with whom she chooses, if you have issues with this, then I suggest you deal with them very quickly..
Talk to her and explain how you feel, but don't demand she changes, it would appear that she is wwith you for love....
You are more than a friend, and should already know this...

amdublin

I don't see a problem only having male friends on skype etc.

I'd only see a problem if she was treating these male friends as not "friends" on skype e.g. flirting etc.
But there is no indication of this from your op. All indications are she has an online social circle of male friends/a lot of her interests are online with males.

Why make a problem where there is none?