21 and still a virgin

LegacyUser

Hi all,

As the title suggest, I'm a 21 yo female and am still a virgin. I'm that embarrassed about it that none of my friends know about it- as far as they're concerned I've had sex with a few guys.

I'm highly sociable and outgoing, but the issue has been that I've never had a boyfriend as such, and therefore I still find myself a virgin at 21. I know that I could technically lose my virginity if I desperately wanted by a one night stand or whatever, but I really don't want to go that route.

I hear friends talking about sex all the time and although I play along with it, honestly I feel left out and embarrassed. It's got to the stage that I'm too embarrassed to be with any boys who are interested in me because I'd be mortified if they found out I was a virgin- I'm quite paranoid over it.

Is anyone else in the same situation?

fizzypish

My first GF was 21 and I was 18. We were both virgins. I remember at the time being a bit embarrassed when my mates brought up the topic. Don't rush anything. There's no need to be paranoid either. It'll happen when it'll happen.

kjl

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 21, the only reason you think it's such a big deal is because you are making it one.

Stop worrying, it will happen and try to enjoy it.

Big Bag of Chips

Hiya OP, it might feel like everyone around you is having sex, but that might not be the case. We have loads of threads here from people in their 20s who are still virgins, so at least some of the people around you haven't had sex yet!

When I was in school one of my friends was a real "lad". After our leaving we didn't see each other much - I went away to college and work for years and we only met up again years later. I would have expected him to have had a string of girls and all sorts of experience! I have no idea how the subject came up, but he told me he lost his virginity at 23.

It might not feel like it now, but trust someone who's a little bit further down the road than you are (!), you are so young! Enjoy yourself. Go out at the weekends. Avoid sex talk with your friends - chances are they're exaggerating anyway! And try not to obsess that you are the only 21 year old virgin in the world... you're definitely not!

Tokyo

OP, there was a thread recently in another forum on boards taking a poll of the ages people lost their virginity, and quite a high number of posters lost their virginity at 21 or beyond, so there is nothing to be mortified about - you are far from being the only one in this situation.

Not wanting to go down the route of one night stands is a good thing, so stop measuring yourself against your friends and their experiences with men, as it really does sound like you are turning it into a far bigger deal than it needs to be. The right guy will come along who you will want to be with and lose your virginity with, and you'll be glad that you waited.

LegacyUser

orangegak wrote: »

It's got to the stage that I'm too embarrassed to be with any boys who are interested in me because I'd be mortified if they found out I was a virgin- I'm quite paranoid over it.

This is really not something to be worried about at all, any fella worth your time won't have an issue with it and any fella who does is not worth your time.

pajor

I've been with my gf for some time now. She's even older than me and we both lost our virginity to each other. She doesn't drink, so you can see how that my fit into the equation too. I was desperate to do it though, she not so much initially. But I didn't do it for the first time in a drunken stupor which I'll forever be glad for. We were together for a few months before we did the deed. Waiting for her was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

In short, a guy who isn't patient with you, doesn't deserve you.

robman60

Honestly OP, any guy worth your time won't care at all. I'm a little younger than you and still a virgin, and honestly, it doesn't bother me in the slightest, and why should it? You need to ask yourself that question. Why does it bother you? If you think guys will be out off because you're a virgin, I think you're wrong. I've never heard a guy mention that as a bad thing. In fact I've heard the opposite.

retro:electro

Op there is nothing at all wrong with still being a virgin at your age. Not to be patronising but I for one think it's really commendable and it's actually something that guys admire in girls especially nowadays. No guy wants to go out with a girl who has been around, sure they are good for the one night or whatever but they wouldn't be girlfriend material as such. You have respect for yourself not to choose that option, and that will show and you will find a guy you will respect you for that. Instead of it being something you're ashamed of it should be something your proud of. I can guarantee you that in a few years you will look back and be proud of the fact that you waited until you were ready and comfortable with someone. Don't get too bogged down by what others are supposedly doing, you never know they could be just all talk anyway.

cactusgal

I was 26. Never bothered me. It's really not the massive deal that people make it out to be. Sex is important, but having it or not having it should not identify you.

The Friendly Newcomer

It pains me to see someone feel embarrassed to be a virgin. I am a 20 year old male and I am still a virgin and I actually couldn't care less what people think. I think it's good to see a young person waiting until they have found the right person instead of sleeping with any and everyone.

You sound delightful OP and I hope you start to feel better about yourself.

Tramps Like Us

OP no bloke outside of a one night stand situation would be put off or anything close to it by you being a virgin, in fact for some it would be the opposite! Don't worry about it and try not to lose it in a way which you will regret just for the sake of it.

LegacyUser

Hi all,

OP here. Thanks so much for the lovely messages! I guess I can't help being paranoid about it nowadays, I've literally never told anyone that I'm still a virgin. I know that may seem a bit stupid but ever since I told friends I wasn't a virgin anymore (a lie I know, but it was justified!!) it was such a relief. There were no more 'so when are you gonna lose it? it's getting late' chat etc- they were a lot more concerned about it than i was!

As I mentioned, you'd probably never think I am still one- I go out every weekend etc, have lots of friends. Just have to continue trying not to let it hold me back!

The Friendly Newcomer

orangegak wrote: »

Hi all,

OP here. Thanks so much for the lovely messages! I guess I can't help being paranoid about it nowadays, I've literally never told anyone that I'm still a virgin. I know that may seem a bit stupid but ever since I told friends I wasn't a virgin anymore (a lie I know, but it was justified!!) it was such a relief. There were no more 'so when are you gonna lose it? it's getting late' chat etc- they were a lot more concerned about it than i was!

As I mentioned, you'd probably never think I am still one- I go out every weekend etc, have lots of friends. Just have to continue trying not to let it hold me back!

Would you consider telling your friends the truth?

Stavro Mueller

orangegak wrote: »

Hi all,

OP here. Thanks so much for the lovely messages! I guess I can't help being paranoid about it nowadays, I've literally never told anyone that I'm still a virgin. I know that may seem a bit stupid but ever since I told friends I wasn't a virgin anymore (a lie I know, but it was justified!!) it was such a relief. There were no more 'so when are you gonna lose it? it's getting late' chat etc- they were a lot more concerned about it than i was!

As I mentioned, you'd probably never think I am still one- I go out every weekend etc, have lots of friends. Just have to continue trying not to let it hold me back!

I don't know why your friends need to know such personal details in the first place It's crass and you shouldn't feel you have to supply them with the gory details of your sex life or lack of. You are entitled to keep your private life private if that's what you want. Even if you weren't a virgin, why should you be telling your pals all about it? Frankly, your friends sound like a bunch of immature sex-obsessed morons.

Don't feel pressured into losing your virginity to the first man who comes along if it's bothering you that much. A far better idea is to wait until you meet a nice guy and lose it to him when you get to know him better. If he has any respect for you at all it'll be no big deal to him. If your friends start asking questions tell them it's none of their business. If they want to share their exploits with all and sundry that's their choice. Yours is to keep it to yourself. Nothing wrong with that at all

Punishers

orangegak wrote: »

Hi all,

As the title suggest, I'm a 21 yo female and am still a virgin. I'm that embarrassed about it that none of my friends know about it- as far as they're concerned I've had sex with a few guys.

I'm highly sociable and outgoing, but the issue has been that I've never had a boyfriend as such, and therefore I still find myself a virgin at 21. I know that I could technically lose my virginity if I desperately wanted by a one night stand or whatever, but I really don't want to go that route.

I hear friends talking about sex all the time and although I play along with it, honestly I feel left out and embarrassed. It's got to the stage that I'm too embarrassed to be with any boys who are interested in me because I'd be mortified if they found out I was a virgin- I'm quite paranoid over it.

Is anyone else in the same situation?

You're missing nothing,Friend.

owenc

The Friendly Newcomer wrote: »

It pains me to see someone feel embarrassed to be a virgin. I am a 20 year old male and I am still a virgin and I actually couldn't care less what people think. I think it's good to see a young person waiting until they have found the right person instead of sleeping with any and everyone.

You sound delightful OP and I hope you start to feel better about yourself.

I'm an 18 year old virgin and i'm mortified.

I don't actually care about sex its kind of one of those things i'll take if I can lol. But I am wanting to lose virginity but can't see me losing it anytime soon.

ex classmates really made me feel desperate.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, the really sad thing is.... Your friends actually couldn't care less. Really! Do you care whether or not your friends are virgins? Do you care when, where and who they lost it to? Do you care if they do or don't sleep with someone at the weekend?

Your friends are being nosey and full of bravado, but the reality of it is, they are too wrapped up in themselves to care about the smaller details of your life. And I don't mean that in a derogatory way.. we are all too busy and too wrapped up in our own lives to be that bothered by someone else. You can absolutely 100% guarantee your friends don't think about you and what you do or don't do a fraction of the amount you think about yourself. Same way you don't sit around all day thinking about them or what they've done etc.. You're too busy with your own stuff.

I wouldn't tell your friends anything else. Because they don't need to know. And if them thinking you've had sex gets them off your back then let them think it. It's nobody's business one way or another. I know I mentioned age before, but even in 5 years time you will look back and see how ridiculous and childish you all were at this age.. And 5 years after that you'll look back at that time and see it with added wisdom!

We were all there, and at various ages we all think we have it sussed. We've figured it out, and we know it all. But every few years we realise we are still figuring it out. There will always be new things to experience, new lessons to be learnt from those experiences and one day the realisation comes that we will never know it all, we'll never have it sussed!

Anyone a bit older than you has been where you are now. Learning and figuring out, and realising that all those "problems" we had, weren't problems at all. (Have a look back at your teens... How many "end of the world" problems had you? And now only a few short years later, none of them matter) We've all been there. You are just starting out! Just remember that the day will come when nothing about this matters to you. For now it seems like the most important thing in your life, in 5, 10, 15 years time you will look back and smile at the innocence of it all.

The Friendly Newcomer

owenc wrote: »

I'm an 18 year old virgin and i'm mortified.

I don't actually care about sex its kind of one of those things i'll take if I can lol. But I am wanting to lose virginity but can't see me losing it anytime soon.

ex classmates really made me feel desperate.

Why are you mortified?

Jinonatron

OP.

I'm dating a 26 year old woman. I am 25 myself. Recently she told me she is still a virgin. It's really not an issue. To be honest I really like this girl and it makes her more attractive thinking that she has not been just sleeping around for the sake of it.